'AITA for not keeping my ex-wife's stuff for over 2 years while she figured things out?' UPDATED
"AITA for not keeping my ex-wife's stuff for over 2 years while she figured things out?"
Nefariousness414
So me and my ex-wife were married for a little over year when she came home from a girls trip and decided she didn't want to be married anymore. Wouldn't really give me a reason for this, didn't want to discuss it unless it was with a therapist, which I didn't want to do unless she told me first because I didn't want to be blindsided by something with a stranger present.
Long story short, I could have been a better husband, she could have been a better wife. But we separated, divorced, and that was fall of '21. Fast forward to now. We've had very minimal contact (for taxes or mail, stuff like that) but have been very civil with each other.
So this past summer I hadn't heard from her for months and wanted to clean out my garage. Some totes of clothes and decorations that I'll never use. So away it went to the trash or donated.
Now when we first separated I gave her plenty of time and opportunity to remove her items from the house(anything that wasn't blatantly mine like my PC and stuff like that.
I honestly just wanted her out of my life so I told her to take whatever she wanted), even leaving the locks unchanged for a whole year after divorcing because up till then her name was still on then deed to the home.
I guess she moved away after the divorce to another state? I'm unsure as I just didn't ask and didn't care. So recently she text me and said she would be in town and asked if she could come get her stuff and remove some of the house hold items as well like a gas grill and a table.
Items we got when we were together and have been left with me and used by me for the past two years and the items that I've gotten rid of. So am I the AH for just telling her no? I don't want to be mean about it but it's been two years since we divorced.
How long was I suppose hang on to this stuff? She never asked me to hang on to it for her. Plus the common house items that I've been using, am I just supposed to let her have those and buy new stuff? I'm very confused about what she expected after two years of being divorced.
Edit: There was a previously discussed time for her to get her stuff. (I'm going through text messages trying to figure out what to tell her) It was last Christmas and she never showed up because she said she got caught up with family and had to fly to New York for the New Years party. That was also the last time we spoke till now.
I told her her stuff was gone several months ago since she didn't contact me to get it after so much time had passed. I do have one item that I'll return to her because it was her family's and I didn't know it was left here. No response thus far. Legally I'm fine, I talked to my attorney. Morally, I feel bad but it is what it is. I truly figured she'd moved on so she didn't want the stuff.
Speculation about the divorce: I don't know why she left and I don't care at this point. Chalked it up to things don't always workout. She had already made her mind up about the divorce. I didn't see a need to talk about it and hear about all the ways I "failed" as a husband. I felt bad enough at the time and it wasn't going to change her mind on leaving so why do it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Well-you-did-asked
Nta she is . Nope she had 2 years to get her stuff. If you had kept everything I would have told her there was a storage charge. Tell her since she did not contact you earlier you assumed she had moved and left everything behind. Solid no to her getting anything at this point. Property abandoned at your home is kept for you to decide on.
PurpleStar1965
Anything of hers in totes tell her they will be on the curb for her to pick up. But furniture, grills etc. no frikkin way. Sounds like she has a new place to furnish and figured she will just go shopping at your house. She has no claims after a finalized divorce and two years passing.
NTA.
ManufacturerNo6126
NTA you are not a storage unit.
PoetRevolutionary160
NTA. Your divorce is the final step in severing your relationship and should've taken into account all property and financial matters.. You are under no obligation to store her stuff or give her anything she abandoned more than 2 years ago. Just tell her it's gone and then block her.
Banyewestlover999
NTA. She most likely cheated on that girls trip. Awfully “coincidental” how after an entire year suddenly she wants to end the marriage directly after coming home from a trip with the girls…as for the stuff? Ur not her personal U-Haul. Sounds like u dodged a bullet OP.