"AITA if I move out without telling my wife?"
InColour-0331
After 15 years, my wife (39f) told me (37f) she wants a divorce, but doesn't think it's necessary for me to move out. For most of our relationship, I have shouldered the bulk of our living expenses. After years of being in and out of work, she finally found a steady job in 2021.
However, her contributions to the household have still been sparse. She is only responsible for the rent, which I recently found out doesn't always get paid on time or in full. Everything else, utilities, insurance, groceries, phone, car note, etc. are on me.
When we first got together, she had a good job, but shortly after we started living together, things changed. She decided she wasn't fulfilled with her chosen career and wanted to pursue art, which I encouraged and supported because I loved her and wanted her to be happy.
But, it has put me in the position to be the only one with a steady income for the last decade. It hasn't always been easy, especially during the pandemic, but I've always kept us afloat. While she has remained carefree and unencumbered. I have also raised my step-children (twins 22) who still live with us and aren't currently working or in school.
However, now that she wants a divorce, I don't think it is fair for me to stay and continue taking care of a household of adults. Plus, being in the house is painful for me, which she thinks I will get past once I "find peace."
Her argument is that she travels a lot now, so me moving isn't a big deal because she can just sleep on the couch when she comes home and that I'm still her best friend.
But, I believe her reasons are more likely related to the fact that she knows she can't take care of the bills on her own and wants to keep me around so she can keep living off my salary. So, AITA, if I start looking for my own place without telling her?
Here what people had to say:
Electronic_Fox_6383
I would move out and "find peace" in your own living arrangements. Best of luck to you. NTA.
Feisty_Average1979
NTA. Move out and take your name off all of the bills. If any utilities are in your name cancel them. Cancel any cellphone service and internet plans, for example Netflix & Amazon Prime.
UnconfirmedRooster
NTA. Move out and be the one to initiate the divorce IMO, find a good lawyer and be proactive.
jdz-615
NTA. If she is wants a divorce. Why would you still live together. And I agree. She wants you to stay so her lifestyle doesn’t change.
opshleen
Hire an attorney & get their advice and file for divorce first.
Grilled_Cheese10
Exactly. It always seems like the person initiating the divorce has their plan all figured out and tells the person they are leaving what they expect them to do. Consult your OWN lawyer before you do anything, then let your (usually) cheating spouse know what you'll be doing. It doesn't usually match their plans for you, but that's not your problem.
south3y
Move out. To her, you're nothing but a cash supply; supporting her entire family and not even getting laid.
Wait, did your wife have the twins at 15?
InColour-0331 OP responded:
17
Man, it’s time to grow a spine and move out immediately. Stop being their ATM and a doormat. Move out immediately. You truly deserve better. You made need to see a therapist to help you work on your low self esteem. She’s a user. Run!!!