'AITA for not telling my wife about my time off? She'll take advantage of me if I do.'
"AITA for not telling my wife about my time off?"
At work I do a lot of extra stuff, company party planning, pick up extra shifts, etc. and get extra pto as one of the compensations. Due to this I end up getting maxed out PTO and use it regularly.
Well, I have a major certificate test next week and wanted to get all of my school work done for the next few weeks and spend a large time studying and doing practice exams in preparation for my test.
I took the whole week, after labor day, off in order to do this. I didn't tell my wife, because I knew she would start asking me to do other stuff, go places, etc.
She'd take advantage of me. Despite my intention for pto being academically based. I do have kids, and I know I cannot study for 12 hours a day so I would break it up every few hours and do some stuff with them.
Well, my my first day was fine because my wife was working and my kids were out of the house. So I was able to complete almost all of my 2 weeks worth of school work. Day 2 my wife starts doing the "you cannot stop studying to play with your son?", "he wants to go outside, can you take him?", etc. I told her "this is why I didn't mention having pto.
Because from your perspective I am still "working", yet you aren't going to take it that way." She said I'm an AH for lying to her. Maybe I am, but i know my wife. She gets on me to do extra stuff while i'm working from home, so if I'm not "working" but still studying i knew she would push it even more.
She even does the whole "you better pass your test" stuff yet seems to get in the way of my studying unless it's late at night when she's asleep. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
boyodee writes:
I think YTA. I’m sorry but when you’re married and have children you always have to tell your partner as a courtesy when you take PTO, especially a whole ass week. You easily could have said “hey I’m taking off work for a week but I WON’t have time for this and that” You’re married, you communicate.
Also you blew off your son to study? When you admit you almost did the entire two weeks of work the day prior? Be honest, is this coming at the expense or neglect of your time with your kids, household chores etc?
Because if yes your family ABSOLUTELY deserves to know about the PTO so you all can at least plan ahead.
okseat4312 writes:
ESH. You lied by omission due to your wife’s self-centered-ness. I feel you took the lesser of 2 evils, which I don’t blame you for.
You need to learn to set boundaries so your wife can learn to respect not only your time but also the time of everyone else in her life. If you can get to the point of “I’ll do the dishes at noon when I’m ready for a study break” and she respects that, you’ll be in a better place.
Also, watch out, OP. Your wife is exactly the kind of person who will also hinder your children’s academic goals and endeavors and constantly complains about how hard it is to do what she does.
There are SO MANY parents who do this. I literally have students who come to my office so they can work uninterrupted due to their parents’ constant pestering.
bluemom writes:
NTA. A lot of mom’s are going to try to make you feel bad because reasons. You know the person you are living with. If you have to not tell her about PTO because she doesn’t have the common decency to recognize that you are studying then do what you have to do my friend.
There are extremely hard exams that require lots of prep time and those little breaks and interruptions add up. What I would recommend next time is to go to a WeWork or Regus office for that week so you can study uninterrupted.