Man thinks wife's customer with Down syndrome is in love with her, demands she quit her job. UPDATED
'My husband wants me to quit my job because of a customer.'
Direct-Caterpillar77
I(f41) have been married to my husband (m36) for about 2 years. Together for 5. We have two children ages 2 and 3.
I run a cafe with my sister and it’s located in a very popular neighborhood with lots of office workers. There’s also some type of “day center” (I’m sorry, my English is not very good so I don’t know the proper terminology if I use offensive words tell me and I will edit it). This day center is for people with different kinds of disabilities. They do simpler types of work.
There’s a man maybe around (25-30) with Down syndrome that attends the day care near my cafe. Every morning, his taxi drops him off at 7:30 and he comes to our cafe and gets breakfast and coffee and sits at the same table facing my work station.
He doesn’t say much just smiles and asks how I’m doing today and what my plans are. He refuses to let my sister or one of the girls helps him, it must be me. If I’m busy he waits until I’m available. Then he starts his day at 8.
We close at 4pm and at 3:30pm he comes again and sits at the same table until his taxi comes at around 4 and usually I give him a soda or a smoothie on the house. Apparently when I’m not working, he gets very confused, stays for a while without understanding why I’m not there and then leaves without eating.
My sister and her wife were invited for dinner with me and my husband. I was home sick the week before so she was laughing and telling us about the man and how he refused to be served by any other employee and just waited outside for me. My husband was confused so my sister explained everything about this customer. My husband was silent the rest of the dinner.
When we went home, he asked me why I never told him about this customer and that he thought that the guy was being disrespectful. He asked if he knew I was married. I was confused to why he would say something like that.
Then he became angry because I said that he had Down syndrome and he said that there are functioning people with this syndrome and that I was the prejudiced one not him.
I told him that I was aware of that but this man in question seemed and appeared to be much younger and when he started, one of the people working in the day center noticed his behavior and came to check if he was making us uncomfortable and explained that he had the mind of an 8 year old and is creature of habit.
At the time we told them that he was very polite and pleasant to have as a customer. My husband wasn’t happy about it. Next week my husband showed up at 7:30 and took that exact table the man usually takes.
When he came he was very flustered and didn’t know what to do so he just stood near my work station with his sandwich and coffee in hand. I asked him if he wanted me to help him find another table but my husband was very angry and told the man to respect me because I’m a married woman and to not come and stare at me again.
The man apologized and he just left and waited outside all confused. I was heartbroken and begged my husband to apologize and to leave the table because the man is a creature of habit and doesn’t really like change. He said he didn’t care because obviously he’s in love with me. (My sister told my husband about how he gave me a valentines card last year).
When I got home my husband said that he makes good money and we don’t need my income. He had contacted my sister to ask her to take over my share of the cafe because I didn’t need to work. He said he was most disappointed because I never told him about my customer or the card he given me so I must’ve thought it was out of line.
But it wasn’t like that at all, it’s just that I get hundreds of customers every day and I don’t have to tell my husband about all of them. He said it wasn’t the same as someone who’s in love with me. Being in my cafe every day and sometimes when I’m alone.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
OverallDisaster
Your husband is a complete jerk to do all of this - from confronting this guy to going straight to your sister to quit your job for you. Is he so controlling like this in other aspects? Because I would have a hard time believing he's not.
The OP responded here:
Direct-Caterpillar77
He called my job a hobby. I work 7am to 4pm four days a week and I make mid 6 figures/year and he called it a hobby. We don’t need your hobby he said.
OverallDisaster
How demeaning. Does his behavior here turn you off? Because it's pretty callous and low to treat someone like he did your customer (and how he is treating you). This whole story made me sad.
sunnydaysforlife
If he’s so controlling now, just imagine what will happen if you quit your job and don’t have money of your own…
joebusch79
Quit your husband, you’ll be happier.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
'Update about my Cafe. I’m leaving work for now'
Direct-Caterpillar77
Hi! I posted yesterday about my husband who was upset about a customer of mine with Down syndrome. I have shown my husband this post and he thought that I wasn’t fair relaying the story.
He didn’t know what the guy’s (let’s call him Jimmy for convenience) condition was so he just didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of a guy waiting for me every morning so he wanted to check who that was. Then he was angry because I ignored his feelings when I tried to help Jimmy find another table.
Now he has promised to apologize to Jimmy because I told him that he was very scared today when he came to our cafe and didn’t know if he could sit at his usual table or not. I have talked to the “teacher” at the day center and explained everything and apologized.
Apparently Jimmy has been reluctant to attend the day center and has been calling in sick. It broke my heart and I was so angry with my husband and told him everything about it. So he will apologize to Jimmy when the teacher deems it appropriate to.
About my work. My husband does make good living and yes but I don’t want to sell my share to my sister even though she wants me to. I own 65% and I love my cafe. But to meet my husband halfway.
I will be hiring someone to take over my work and I could still be owner and a stay at home mom. My husband agreed to this and is very happy about it. He has also apologized for calling my work a hobby.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update:
Ellie-Bee
Are you going to be happy being a stay-at-home mom if you love your cafe? I know you are trying to find a compromise, but you shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Your husband was way out of line and I’m glad he will be apologizing to Jimmy. But you didn’t do anything wrong in this situation, so why is a job you love on the chopping block? Whatever you decide, I hope you will be fulfilled. You seem like a kind person.
virtualchoirboy
Husband, together 34 years, married 28 years. I still say your husband acted horribly. Knowing how it has affected Jimmy makes it even worse.
Think about your husband's behavior for a second. He didn't trust you to handle the situation. He didn't care to communicate with you to understand it better. He didn't bother going in and respectfully watching from a different spot instead of the table Jimmy normally used, thus causing a disturbance.
No, he thought he was going to control the situation his way and 'teach Jimmy a lesson'. He went in like bully. He went in as if HE was a part owner of the cafe and there was an issue that HE needed to clean up. He caused concern for Jimmy, so much so that Jimmy is no longer accessing the services that are his right.
I also think you're making a mistake switching to being a stay at home mom over this. Your quitting now is only going to make things worse for Jimmy. After this incident, even if your husband apologizes, Jimmy's routine is still going to change because you're suddenly not there anymore.
And as far as Jimmy is concerned, he's probably going to assume it's his fault no matter how many apologies he gets. Sad state of affairs all around.
amber_bam
I don't think this will turn out the way she hopes.
PurpleFlavoredCherry
I don't think so either. This dude had no problems intimidating a kid with down-syndrome. He seems like the kind of man who gets jealous over his own kids and pets.
Miss_Bobbiedoll
She told the husband he had Down's Syndrome before he went to the cafe and he would have been able to tell when he saw him, so I don't buy he didn't know it until he read the post. And why does the sister want her to sell? OP should be pissed at her hubby for having this convo with her sister, and be leery of the two of them because apparently her sister wants her out.
Finally, I don't understand why OP agreed to stay at home just because her husband wants her to. She won't like it--especially not after running her own business.