Wife gets promotion, openly mocks husband at work, he forgives her, Reddit doesn't. UPDATE
"AITA for joking about my husband in front of our work colleagues after he refused to socialize?"
SpringDear333
About a month ago, I (F38) was promoted to a higher position at my job. I am now in a more senior position than my husband (M41) at work. My husband has always told me how happy he was that I got the promotion. But sometimes I get the feeling that he’s embarrassed that I’m technically his superior now.
Last night, we had a work-related social event. It was supposed to be an opportunity to build team cohesion and that sort of thing. My husband didn’t really want to go (he’s pretty introverted), he also said he had a migraine and didn’t want to make it worse.
I told him that it would be weird if he didn’t come, and people might think that he’s jealous of me getting the promotion. After some more persuasion, I was able to convince him to come along. When we got there, he greeted a few people but ended up spending most of the time sitting in a corner on his own and only chatting with a few people at a time.
Aside from that, the event was pretty good, and most of our co-workers were present. At some point, I was in a large group when (Sarah F46), who had not yet seen my husband there, asked where he was and jokingly asked if he was as serious and mysterious at home as he was at work.
I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn.
I also mentioned how he has a fear of heights and how he was shaking the entire time when we crossed a rope bridge during our honeymoon. I did say a few other things like how I sometimes feel like I’m his parent.
Everyone was interested and surprised to hear all of this, and we did share many laughs together. At some point, my husband walked into the conversation and quickly pieced together what we were talking about. The rest of the conversation was awkward after that.
On the drive home, my husband was not speaking. When I asked him if everything was alright, he said that I surprised him. I was annoyed by him being vague, so I told him that I knew that he wasn’t feeling 100%, but that he was acting childish for not socializing and acting offended.
He said that it was childish and rude that I was sharing his personal details with our colleagues. I then told him that he was blowing things out of proportion, but he didn’t respond, and the rest of the ride was silent. When we got home, we argued again about the night's events.
My husband said my behavior was appalling and that he questioned if I had any respect for him. I was angry by his outburst so I told him that he was only being sensitive because I was technically his superior now and that was what was really bothering him. The argument ended there, as my husband didn't want to "waste any more time" and went to bed.
This morning, I texted my younger sister what happened, and she accused me of being insensitive. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
morgaine125
Dear lord, YTA. It’s bad enough that you mocked him and shared personal information about him to your work colleagues, but even worse that you mocked and shared personal information about him to *his * work colleagues. And you mocked and ridiculed one of your subordinates. Your behavior was completely unprofessional and disrespectful toward your marriage.
distantobserver20
Indeed. First, you project your take that Hubs must be feeling hurt/disappointed/embarrassed (emasculated?) by your new post-promotion, "superior" role, & then you demean him by making negative comments about him to coworkers. Ha ha, so funny, let me attack my spouse under the guise of sharing witty anecdotes! YTA big time.
Don't be surprised when introverted Hubs files for divorce. You're insufferable. FYI that your little performance at Hub's expense may also cost you dearly at work. As a colleague, I'd be appalled by your cruelty & would not trust you moving forward. As a manager, I'd call you in with HR to address your attempted humiliation of another employee, marital status irrelevant. You get an 'F' in team-building.
richardsworldagain
I hope he complains to HR about you discussing private information and you get demoted.
Dry_Sandwich_860
Seriously? You're senior enough to have been promoted, but you don't understand the basics of professional behavior? Of course YTA. To be frank, the vibe I get is that maybe you shouldn't have been promoted.
You don't sound mature enough to understand or supervise people. I hope I'm wrong but I foresee a lot of drama in your team. If it turns out that you're not up to the responsibility, then you could get a bad reputation and find it hard to move on to another position.
It was completely fine for your husband to focus on talking to just a few people. He attended the event--and it's fine and normal that he didn't want to spend his free time at a work event. Do you really not get that people have different styles as far as interacting with others? I feel sorry for the people you're in charge of now.
As for the personal comments, it's hard to know what to say. Are you actually confused about what's appropriate personal information to share about your spouse or are you looking to make excuses after you chose to run your husband down to make yourself look better?
Also, it's weird that you keep talking about being his "superior." You mention it over and over--both to us and him. The problem is not him. It's that you're immature and have no idea how to behave or treat people.
6 days later, the OP returned with an update.
"UPDATE - AITA for joking about my husband in front of our work colleagues after he refused to socialize?"
SpringDear333
I’ll start this post off firstly by saying I was completely in the wrong. There are zero excuses for how I treated my husband that night at the work social. He is, without a doubt, the personification of a perfect husband. Honestly, at times, I find myself wondering if he's too good for me.
He’s the kindest person I know, he’s incredibly supportive of me in every way, he’s funny, he's very intelligent, easy to talk to, and yes, he’s also very good-looking. I feel heartbroken about the things I said, especially about the fear of heights thing. My husband only bothered overcoming it and crossing that rope bridge for my sake after all.
After reading the comments I received and doing extensive self-reflection, I profusely apologized to my husband, and I told him that I do love and respect him. I apologized not only for the things I said that night but also for my general behavior since I got my promotion and my accusations of him being jealous.
Being him, he accepted my apology immediately and even said that he had already forgiven me because he considered my actions to be a mistake rather than intentional. He then actually apologized as well because he thought that he had spoken out of anger and escalated the situation when we got home.
Since then, I’ve been trying my best to be worthy of him. He told me that we should let the whole thing be in the past, but I think I always cringe when I think back to that night and the time leading up to it.
Things at work have also been pretty smooth. My husband doesn’t mind going in and chatting with our colleagues. Yesterday, he, in fact, expanded on the rope bridge story with one of our colleagues, so I think he’s comfortable. Now, I’m really just hoping that I can be as good a spouse as he is.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
bendybiznatch
I’m kinda speechless at the amount of grace your husband has. But don’t assume he’s not still deeply wounded. Some things can’t be taken back.
The OP responded here:
SpringDear333
I’m kinda speechless at the amount of grace your husband has. He's truly an amazing guy who I'm incredibly lucky to have.
Everly_xD
This update feels like one of those sh*tty YouTube apologizes. How you acted in the original post just make this update feel like your trying to save face.
Sweet_Xocolatl
Damn, one promotion and the power went straight to OP’s head. Yikes. Dude is an actually saint for forgiving her so easily, even going as far as to needlessly apologize. OP wondering if he’s too good for her is the realist thing she’s said in her posts.
alphaboo
He had a migraine! All I want to do when I have a migraine is lay down in a dark, quiet room and she insisted on dragging him to a social event and then dumped on him for sitting quietly in a corner while she badmouthed him.