'AITA for going to court to stop the mother of my child from moving with our kid?'
"AITA for going to court to stop the mother of my child from moving with our kid?"
When I (M24) was in uni I went on a few dates with 'Amy' (F22) and we slept together (with protection) a couple of times. It didn't work out but we parted on friendly enough terms. A few months later I hear through a mutual friend that she's pregnant and I call her to ask if that baby's mine.
She ignored my calls so I went round her house (we both did uni in our home city) and her Mum told me she wasn't interested in seeing me and it wasn't my business. So I left and didn't go round again.
I thought the baby was probably mine (though couldn't be sure obviously) so I went to a solicitor in town and asked what I could do and they told me I had to wait until the baby was born. Fast forward a few months and I hear she had the baby so I go back to the solicitor and they go to court for me to ask for declarator that I'm the father, parental rights and responsibilities and contact with the baby.
I wanted some residence too, like two nights a week or something, but the solicitor told me I probably wouldn't get that while the mum was breastfeeding and that seemed fair enough to me.
Amy never contested anything I asked for in court so I got it all and I started going round her house with my Mum to see the baby. He's such a cool wee guy. His mum named him without asking me before I got my PRRs which I'm a bit upset about but nothing I can do about it. Amy's been mostly OK with me but her Mum is always really cold and a bit difficult.
A couple of weeks ago Amy told me she was moving to take a new job and taking the baby with her. The job is a really exciting position at a financial firm in the capital city and probably not the sort of opportunity she'd have here.
The capital is not too far away, 40 mins on the train, but I was unhappy that I would have to travel further for contact. Amy wasn't interested in talking about it and said she was the main parent and I would just have to make it work. I was really upset so I went back to my solicitor and they have asked for a specific issue order to stop the baby's address from being moved out of my city.
The court won't decide for another couple of weeks but I got a call from Amy's Mum saying I was selfishly trying to ruin Amy's future and she should be able to make the decision because she gave birth and if I wanted a say I should have married her before knocking her up. AITA for going to court and interfering with Amy's future?
Edits to address some recurring points:
I didn't get a DNA test. I asked the court for declarator that was the father and they served the papers on Amy and she decided not to participate in the court process. I gave evidence about our relationship and my interactions with Amy since then.
Amy herself has never denied that I'm the father, her position was just that it was none of my business. I feel like folk are concentrating on this and trying to make out that I'm pushing some kind of lie when it's not something that's actually in doubt.
I am not seeking a relationship with Amy or trying to reinsert myself in her life or control her. All I want is to be a co parent with her. I don't really understand the comments saying she doesn't want a relationship with me therefore I shouldn't have tried to be involved in my kids life?
I get that it's not a great distance especially compared to some American cities and I get that it might look I'm just interested in my convenience but I'm really worried that if the trains are on strike or I miss a train or whatever and it impedes my contact then I will look bad when I ask to have residential time with the baby. I am hoping to eventually be an equal parent and I'm scared that is in danger.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
gsydhsbj writes:
YTA all this seems kinda creepy. She’s not interested in building a relationship with you. Take the 40 minute commute and see your child. Stop preventing her from improving her life and thereby YOUR kids life too.
Sterixx writes:
YTA. I could understand if she wanted to take your kid 4 hours away, but 40 minutes is nothing. Better opportunities for Amy will create a better life for your son. By preventing her from moving you're not only sabotaging Amy, you're impacting your baby too. Why? Because you're too lazy and selfish to travel 40 minutes.
Corgi_Cats_Coffee writes:
Absolutely YTA! 40 minutes is nothing. The mom is trying to improve life for herself and the baby. WTH would anyone stop that over 40 minutes!?!? Like, I wait longer than that for food in many restaurants!
hdsschizothrowaway writes:
With traffic my ex is easily driving 40 minutes or more to come see/get our son. Not a big deal at all
Mean-Temperature-981 OP added:
I've been sat here the last hour questioning whether traveling Glasgow to Edinburgh for contact 4-5 times a week is really such a big deal. But it is! And shared residence later on would become so, so difficult.
BellaBeaBuzzes writes:
Glasgow to Edinburgh - cmon noo. I’d jump the train to Edinburgh for a night out, you can do that for your wean
the_diabolical_0ne writes:
Ya, this is so creepy. If I were Amy, I'd demand a DNA test & if he's not the father, move far far away.
OP added after reading the feedback:
I've been knocked a bit by all the negative responses so I'm going to think again about what the best solution might be.