Man breaks up with fiancée; says, 'being negative doesn't make you interesting.' AITA?
"AITA for breaking up with my fiancee for being too negative?"
PositivePercy0991
When I (32M) first started dating my fiancee Amy (34F) little over a year ago I had some initial reservations about her sense of humor. While she was undeniably funny and often had the room cracking up, much of it was at other's expenses and considered "sarcastic wit".
I personally was not raised in this sort of environment where ribbing and teasing were present, while her family seemed to turn every conversation into a verbal joust, so I had considered if maybe we didn't mesh.
My friends however assured me not only was Amy only joking (and was exceedingly good at it), I should appreciate the intelligence that comes with it, something I did ultimately agree with. So we continued on and eventually got engaged about 4 months ago.
However, Amy is, beyond her comedy, a negative person. She refuses to let anybody enjoy anything she does not enjoy, and is incredibly vocal about it all. A few examples off the top of my head:
She's a part of a few social media groups that makes fun of "caucasian cooking" (she is indeed caucasian). She not only makes mocking the dishes a daily routine, she once posted a dinner my mother made on one of the group, complete with "not a speck of seasoning in sight! Pray for me I'm marrying into this whiteness!"
When I told her my mom would be pretty hurt if she found out Amy brushed me off and said it's just a joke and my mom would never find out.
• She caused a massive fight within her own family because her cousin took her kids to Harry Potter world at Universal. She made entire FB posts calling out the woman for supporting transphobia. It was hell for a week and all Amy could talk about. It hasn't be resolved, the cousin blocked Amy and that's it (no, Amy isn't trans, she's a vocal ally though.)
• She was adamantly against the Barbie movie and made fun of anybody who was excited for it for months leading up. When she found out it was a feminist film she changed her mind and became obsessed with it, probably harder than anybody who was into it for being a "girly film" like she was making fun of (we saw it 3 times).
• She won't let me watch anything by Joss Whedon anymore, and Buffy and Angel are some of my fav shows.
• She doesn't like dogs and thinks they're gross and stupid. She likes cats more and is very vocal about how "dog people are cringy." I have a dog and she has little to say about him that isn't a complaint. She's never asked me to get rid of him or been outright cruel to him though.
• The tipping point came the other day when we heard Jimmy Buffet died on the radio. Now, I'm not some die hard Buffet fan, but I don't hate his music and I expressed sadness he was gone.
Amy, with her face in her phone, scoffed "what a shame. Guess we'll run out of music for American waterparks!" At this point I had enough and told her it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for her to like something once in a while. She rolled her eyes and said "it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for you to get some taste." That's when I was done.
When we got home I started packing clothes. She must have thought I was joking because she laid on the couch playing on her phone until I went to leave. She asked if I was seriously throwing away our whole relationship over Jimmy Buffet, and how stupid that was. I didn't say anything and left.
I got a call from her this morning. Her anger has become sobbing and pleading and bargaining. She says we're great together. She isn't wrong. We've been building our lives around each other. But honestly? I really haven't changed my mind.
When I think about spending the rest of my life with a woman who sh*ts on everything and everybody I just feel exhausted, more than I do sad about losing her. She's a beautiful, intelligent, successful woman, but I really just can't do it anymore.
My parents have suggested telling Amy if she can change that part of her, we could work it out. But, I feel like Amy's negativity is the foundation of who she is as a person. I feel like if I give her that chance we'd be wasting even more of each other's time. I think we will be happier with other people who match our personalities better. Does that make me an a**hole?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
WellyKiwi
NTA. She sounds exhausting. You two are not a good match at all. Go live your best life!
chaoticnormal
The guy proposed 8 months into the relationship. Idk why he thought he knew her in such a short time. And lookee here- just past the year mark and his eyes start opening up. NTA but maybe slow things down next time.
Taprunner
I was gonna say, an 8 month proposal sounds incredible early to me. I'm guessing OP is located in the US and I know people over there get married way earlier in the relationship than I'm used to, but 8 months? He barely knew her!
Fun-Yellow-6576
She doesn’t sound like a pleasant person to be around. The making fun your mom should be a deal breaker.
WhiteKnightPrimal
NTA. You're not compatible. Her jokes are only jokes because she gets called out on insulting things and people. She's exhibiting controlling behaviour, too, like banning you from watching Whedon shows (also a Buffy/Angel fan btw). That's just way out of line, hate Whedon all you like, but his work can still be enjoyed. Same goes for the Harry Potter World issue, btw.
She's spending all her time trying to impose her dislikes on everyone else by insulting and belittling them. Guaranteed she'll say you broke up with her over Buffett, and not for the actual reason of her continuous negativity, insults, and controlling behaviour. You're definitely better off out of this relationship.