'AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over her younger sister?' UPDATED
"AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend (27F) over her younger sister (24F)?"
Me and my ex have been dating for the last 2 years, during this time her sister has come on to me multiple times, im not completely sure about the amount of times but it was almost every time i saw her.
I have told the sister multiple times to leave me alone and to stop her behavior as i don't do the cheating thing, but that did nothing. i have spoken to my ex about it multiple times, she even caught her sister in the act of trying to lock me in a room with herself. Nothing changed.
I have spoken to their parents about it and that the behavior of the youngest daughter is unacceptable and again nothing happened.
Im not going to lie and say the sister was ugly no, she is actually really beautiful but i am a 100% sure i have not led her on or anything, even when i greeted her i gave her a side hug every single time, i have never been in a room alone with her or anything.
I just kept my distance from her at all costs. I don't have her on insta, Facebook, i don't even have her cellphone number. We have never shared a text or phone call.
Her family even gave me a stupid nickname the puppy because i follow my girlfriend around every where when we are over at their house. The only reason i follow her is because her sisters behavior seemed to stop when she is around.
I have told her that i will stop giong over to her parents house, because that is where the problems are and i want no part of it. She didn't like that idea and sulked around the house for weeks because i didn't want to go with her. No piont in time did i tell her she can't go, i just said i wasn't giong with her.
I relented 5 day's ago and went over, we had to much to drink and slept over at the parents house that night. The morning i woke up, i woke up with the sister completely naked in bed next to me.
I stormed out the room and down to the kitchen and told her we are done infront of her parents. She was silent for what seemed like minutes and started to breakdown asking why. All i said was go look in that room and i stormed out of the house and got in my car.
It took less that 2 minutes, then the calls started to come in not just from her but her parents as well. I didn't answer any of the calls. When i got home 40 minutes later, i had 108 missed calls from her and her parents and 36 messages, 2 from her parents.
The messages from her parents just apologized to me saying, they thought i was joking about the sister every time i brought it up and they didn't believe me. All i got from my now ex was sorry and she will handle it and it will bever happen again, i shouldn't leave, we can work through this.
Im just done. She has even gotten my family involved and our friend. 90% of everyone is on her side saying im over reacting and ITAH dumping her. We can sort thid out.
I sent her a message that she has untill this Sunday to get her things out of my house, im just done. Surprisingly she has not sugar coated anything and explained everything correctly to everyone but im still in the wrong for leaving her.
Her parents in their messages are angry at me for hurting their daughter, my family is angry becuase they love her, our friend are angry becuase i refuse to take her back and saying I'm over reacting. 2 years of this crap and I'm overreacting? AITAH?
Let's see what readers thought.
NTA In the future, when there are clear issues in your relationship do not tolerate them for so long. You waited too long and only harmed yourself in the process. Problems never go away by themselves.
ThrowRAResponse403 OP responded:
Thank you for the advice. But i told her, the first time it happened. Literally the first time i met the sister she tried to kiss me, that was played off but everyone. I accepted it as the excuse is that is how they greet. We weren't over at their house constantly about 2 times a month.
And like i said, when i sticked to my exs side nothing happened. But as soon as she was out of eye shot crap happend. I have even left their house a couple of times on my own and left my ex their becuase of the sisters behavior. I never stayed quite about it
You seem to misunderstand. I said you shouldn't have tolerated it for so long, and that is exactly what you did. You have complained, sure, but you still allowed for situation to continue unresolved for 2 years.
I honestly have no excuse as to why i tolerated it for so long. Whe had an agreement in the beginning that she will handle her family and i mine if anything comes up.
The only thing i can think off for me putting up with the crap for so long is i hoped i will get better and stop. Plus i really love that woman, even now and at the moment it's taking everything not to call her.
chalkonthewall writes:
Yeah, the issue was you were being harassed and they did nothing. You told them, and they never believed you. You asked for help, and they gave you a "cute" nickname.
Why in God's green earth do they think you believe them now that it will change? The sister was 22 at the beginning and 24 at the end. She is an adult it's not a phase. Something is wrong with her. All the family pressure is going to do at this point is to make her sneakier. You have the constant fear that they won't have your back.
Seriously, would they expect a woman to go back into a loving relationship after years of never holding the brother accountable who kept trying to se%ually assault her but failing? She kept saying something, but they never believed her.
djtibbs writes:
I mean you are TA for how you handled the breaking up portion of this story. Would I have handled it the same way? Yes I would have. You are also not wrong for wanting to end the relationship because of this.
The issue is/was about how everyone handled your complaints for 2 years. I would field the complaints about you ending it through that lens. You had am issue with your ex's sister and the complaints were ignored.
They can/will apologize over it but you had to show her literally in the bed naked with you for you to be believed. I would angle with my female friends asking them how would they feel if someone kept making advances on them. Ask them how they would handle it. Might be some cultural difference between myself and you. Those dictate a lot of what is acceptable behavior.
I mean you endured the new nickname for the sake of the relationship. Boundaries are boundaries though. No one seems to have respected yours. Now they want you to relent after someone crossed your last boundary? Seems like their morals don't aline with your morals. Overall I would say NTA though.
noparfait701 writes:
YTA and at the same time NTA . She didn't believe you, and should have . You warned everyone time and time again. I understand why it would be such a hard thing to believe, but you insisted and they still didn't take you seriously.
But, at the end of the day, the question is... Who do you love? Who would you like to spend your life with? You presented them with a situation that many people would not believe, and would think that you're just over reacting, because they ( wrongly ) trusted their younger daughter.
Yes, it was wrong. But many people, if not most, would do the same, unfortunately. It's no excuse, at all, but I wouldn't give up the woman I love because they didn't believe a situation that is already hard to believe.
( Even though it was true ) I'm not judging. At all. I believe you feel really frustrated and that trust has been broken. And that sucks. Now the question is, can you forgive them or not?
After reading the comments OP gave this small udpate:
I haven't thought of giong to the police, will have a chat with my lawyer and discuss possible actions. What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it too far by breaking up. with her.