Man calls fiancé manipulative when she tries to negotiate prenup. AITA?
When this man is suspicious of his fiance, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for calling my fiancé manipulative?"
My fiance(28F) and I(31M) have been together for 4 years and living together for 2. Im a lawyer specializing in commercial real estate and wanted a prenup. I never thought about it until I was in a relationship but I thought about it when we got serious and talked to her about it.
I also watched some YouTube videos about men getting screwed in divorced and got scared. She was extremely angry and thought I was trying to take advantage of her. Now I also did it because my parents wanted me to.
They have some assets they want to pass along to me. Not a huge amount essentially a million dollar house (which is only a 3 bed 2 bath but in an expensive city).
We argued for like 6 months and I agreed to drop the prenup conversation. The reason I did was because her salary is very high and she is very hard working. She is also very well educated with a masters and her family so fairly well of too.
So I just don’t think she would try actually to steal my money. She also is very prideful and after talking to her it seems she hates the idea of agreeing sign a prenup being more of a pride thing. I also accidentally told her my parents wanted it which hurt their relationship.
I got a lot of crap from my dad who had his money stolen by his first wife and argued with him a lot about it. I had to shut them down and they are angry at me for not doing what they want.
We are very close to the wedding. About 2 months away. We are going to the Amalfi coast in Italy to do the wedding. Then my fiancé hands me the prenup and tells me to get lawyer who specializes in it to read through and sign it.
The prenup had most of what I wanted but some of what she wanted and it was fair at first glance. I was surprised because she was very against the prenup and now she is ok with it? I argued with my parents over it for her and it damaged our relationship.
I got angry and called her manipulative and she shot back she wasn’t ok with it initially and it took months of therapy for her to realize why she wasn’t ok with it. She said she felt like I should be ok with proposing to her with full trust she wouldn’t screw me over.
But now that I’ve done that she is ok giving me the prenup I want. I yelled at her that she was manipulative and should have told me earlier and she argued I wanted a prenup because I watched se%ist men on YouTube and listen to my parents over her so she needed to see if I would take her side.
I’m still pissed but technically she agreed to the prenup. We have enough time to review and sign it but I’m just angry at the way she agreed to it. Like she planned this move to test me. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
onlymyop writes:
ESH. You deserve each other. You were the AH in the first instance for letting Youtube and Your Parents convince you into suggesting a prenup and now she's returned the favor. You both are showing red flags in this relationship.
slapatrap writes:
NTA - For it to be manipulative it needs to be done with intent. There is not enough info to know if she did this purposefully to spite you.
Here is the platform for you to stand on when you (and anyone else reading this) wants a pre-nup:
She said she felt like I should be ok with proposing to her with full trust she wouldn’t screw me over.
A pre-nup is NOT about trust. I'm going to repeat that so it sinks in. A PRE-NUP IS NOT ABOUT TRUST. It is a numbers game and is there to protect the parties involved.
Anything, and I mean ANYTHING can happen between now and then and the pre-nup protects the parteis involved. That's it. No excuses. No ulterior motives. No manipulation. No "screwing" the other person over. It's just to cover your ass from the unknown.
stonewall9 writes:
NTA - After reading all of that, definitely get a prenup.