Man with full custody of son doesn't tell ex-wife he got remarried to a man. AITA?
When this man is nervous about his ex-wife, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for not telling my ex-wife I got married again?"
I 28 m was married to my ex-wife for two years before we divorced because I realised I was gay. I had been out as bi from age 16 as I knew I liked men but also liked women however I realised when I was 24 that I didn’t like women.
So I told my wife I wanted a divorce but said I was happy to co-parent our 1 year old she agreed. We both lived in London until recently I moved to Switzerland to live with my now husband and we got married there.
I didn’t invite my ex as she had a new boyfriend who me and our little boy don’t like and I knew he would definitely say something homophobic at the wedding. I have complete custody of our son as he wanted to live with me and my ex agreed.
Now our son was at the wedding and looked so smart so I sent photos to my ex and she started messaging me and calling me telling me I am so rude for not inviting her or even telling her and she did she wanted our son back with her, I said no and now all her family are messaging me saying I am an asshole and should’ve told her. Idk if I am or not. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
rb1327 writes:
ESH, Everybody Sucks Here. Her outrage over not being invited to the wedding is silly. Taking offense at you not even telling her about it is pretty normal.
If your relationship is such that you're sending photos to your ex-wife, then your relationship is also such that you should have mentioned "Joe and I are getting married this weekend, I'll send some pictures of little Bobby in his suit next week."
jasperjamobree writes:
NTA.You have a court agreement for custody. You’re not obligated to invite anyone, let alone your ex. If she truly wanted to be invited to your wedding in Switzerland, then she can travel there to visit your son. Why does she want your son to travel back? Why does she care about her convenience only?
summeroracle writes:
NTA. I don’t get the YTA and ESH votes. She knew you were engaged, the pending marriage was not a surprise. Her belief she should have been invited seems odd if you two are not close, outside of coparenting.
You also have full custody of your son, to which she agreed with, so the idea that her issue is potentially to do with him accruing a stepfather (who she could have met at any point during the custody arrangements) doesn’t make any sense.
It sounds like the visual confirmation of your solidified marital status triggered her, and she’s now lashing out, even so far as to use her own child as a means to hurt you without care for him.
The revelation about your true identity and subsequent divorce undoubtedly hurt her to some degree, so it’s not surprising. However, her behavior is still out of line and unhealthy here.
rightcount writes:
YTA. You didn’t have to invite her and I don’t agree with that part of her reaction, but you should absolutely have told the mother of your kid that her child now has a step dad. That’s a pretty big thing to not mention.