Man refuses to go on vacation with 'overweight' MIL. AITA?
When this man feels like he's potentially being too harsh , he asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to go on a vacation with my overweight mother in-law?'
Some context about me (30M) and my wife (27F) of nearly 2 years. We had planned a vacation to a town about 800km away and decided to meet her parents at the hotel on the say of the arrival.
The itinerary was for 4 days and I had booked and put down advance for everything from the hotel to the local transportation, private waterfalls and a bunch of other activities for those 4 days.
My wife's mother (58F) is morbidly obese for her height (5' 2') and weighs about 230lbs (105kg) and she can barely walk half a step at a time. We have been telling her to reduce some weight and do some physical activity that she can do like walking, stretching and so on.
Also to cut down on calorie intake as she keeps munching on snacks like chips and chocolates. The excuse she gives is that she's diabetic and would get 'dizzy' if she doesn't eat any of those.
This would turn into huge arguments, even with her husband and she would not improve her lifestyle and keep eating things. She always requires one person to be with her for 'support' and to get in and out of cars and such.
Fast forward to yesterday when we had already reached the hotel and somehow while getting into their cab, she fell down on her bum and broke her hip. Rushed her to the nearest clinic to get first aid and some emergency scans which proved that she indeed broke her hip.
Getting her into the ambulance was itself difficult as it took 4 people just to lift her from the ground and on to the stretcher. We couldn't get anything more than first aid at that place since it was just a small village and she needed immediate care for the broken bone.
So we ditched all the plans, hired an (exorbitantly priced) ambulance, loaded her and all our luggage and travelled back to their place to admit her to a hospital.
We, of course, lost most of our reservation costs, ticket costs and everything and add to that the first aid, ambulance and hospital related charges where we are waiting for a surgery.
I was initially involved in getting her to a good hospital but when my wife brought up this trip and how we can plan one more when her mother is alright, i told her I'm not going anywhere with her mother until she turns her life around, reduces a bunch of weight and stops being a burden for everyone around her.
She told me I'm an AH for saying this and her mother is only fat because of 'medical complications' which are frankly BS because even the attending orthopaedic doctor told her in a subtle way that this could have been avoided if she was 20kgs lighter.
I was angry about losing my vacation time along with a bunch of money I had been saving up for, while also being a physical burden because we had to travel on a cramped ambulance for 12 hours on bad roads.. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
okyesterday245 writes:
NTA. But do expect a ton of Y T A replies and being called fat shamer. Why do you even bother to have parents on a trip? Don't you need some 'you', as in married couple, time?
Tell your wife, if she is so keen on vacationing with her family you will fully support her and wish her luck, while staying at home for some boys weekend with friends.... I mean, she is free to babysit her mother. But you are entitled to some rest as well.
noindependence writes:
It does seem like YTA - just for making your MIL's broken hip all about your inconvenience. Chicken and egg issue with me here. I had an aunt that struggled with hip problems for decades, and her lack of mobility contributed to her weight gain.
And I would've taken her on any vacation and figured out how to make it easier to get around. Seems like you just dont like your MIL.
crymson8 writes:
Your MIL is lying about her snacks and I have serious doubts about her sugar control. If she has diabetes, likely, it is out of control and she will start losing toes soon enough.
She needs to go on a draconian diet and have constant sugar control to get her body back into a less obese situation. That will also have benefits of better sleep, more energy, and hips that don’t break so easily.
For your situation, though? NTA. You have every right to not take her with you. A compromise would be to take her with the understanding that if what happened before happens again, she can figure it out herself as you won’t be in the ambulance this tim. Even so far as to just go it alone for the rest of the vacation.