'AITA for refusing to spend time with my stepsister?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to spend time with my stepsister?"
Backstory: I’m 15F. My parents divorced a year ago because my father cheated. He married the affair girlfriend like instantly. I think he’s a complete jerk and I told the judge I wanted to live with my mom, so I do but they still said I had to go to my father’s every other weekend.
I don’t want to see him, so I refused to go at first, but it was stressing my mom out with court stuff. I agreed to go as long as his wife is totally hands off and I can stay in my room and not be bothered except for one family activity of their choice.
So that’s where we are, every other weekend, my dad picks me up, talks at me in the car because I won’t talk to him, we go to family therapy where everyone but me talks, I stay in my room until sometime Saturday when I go out with them to do something “fun” and then mostly stay in my room until my mom picks me up on Sunday.
I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy, so I’m fine, but everyone else not so much.
Affair wife has kids (12F, 9M) that would go to their dad’s on my weekends so I never saw them but the schedule changed so now they’re there when I am. 9M is fine, he asks to borrow a video game now and then but he’s like polite about it and gives them back so sure.
12F won’t leave me tf alone, any time I don’t literally have my door locked she’s barging in trying to talk to me or wanting to do something. I tried to tell her to leave me alone in a nice way, but last time I just up and told her I never want to talk to her and I’m going to ignore her from now on.
She cried about it, affair wife got mad, my father said she’s having a hard time with the divorce too and I shouldn’t take it out on her. I told him he could stop forcing me to visit then and problem solved.
Everyone is mad. My mom says she gets it, but 12F probably is just looking for someone not her parents to talk to. I just don’t see why it has to be me.
Here were the first round of comments:
NewtoFL2
NTA. Dad needs to tell his wife to deal with her. kid.
KindlyCelebration223
NTA. Oh no, the kids are having a hard time with the divorce? /s Well maybe they should have thought about their kids before they boned each other while married to other people (feel free to use that in family therapy).
Are her kids just going to their dad’s on the weekends you are home with your mom? Maybe you can change it so you are only their weekends her kids are at their dad’s.
I have a nagging feeling that your dad & his wife changed their schedule so they get a kid free weekend twice a month. So changing yours to be opposite theirs would kill two birds with one stone: you don’t have to see the kids & you mess up their plan.
Sea_Firefighter_4598
NTA. But speak up in the next family therapy session and tell the therapist exactly how you feel about dad and the new family. A no holds barred session might get you closer to what you want. At the very least they will know you can't be therapied into submission.
PhilosopherINside956
NTA, you cannot help feeling the way you do considering your dad is forcing you into a situation with a woman he betrayed your mother with. They’re expecting this perfect blended family, but with zero time for you to heal.
Glinda-the-witch
NTA. Tell your father, you’ll be happy to talk to the 12-year-old. Tell him you will explain the facts of life to her, and what an affair is, and how her mother and your father broke up both of their families or, he can just let you stay home with your mother.
Armed with advice, OP came back with this update:
Edit - Ok, after reading everything and thinking about it for a few days, here’s what I’m going to do. A lot of people suggested letting them have it in therapy. So, tomorrow I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy.
They want me to talk so I’ve got a whole filibuster planned if I need it and no one else is getting a word in edgewise. My father will be addressed as “Cheater” and affair wife as “Adultress” from now on.
If that doesn’t get me dropped off back at my mom’s, when the other two kids get to the house they are going to be told everything about the cheating. I’m rewriting the lyrics to a really catchy song to be about my cheating father so I can sing it at him and get it stuck in his head if needed.
Guess we’ll see if that works better than ignoring them.
Edit #2: It’s been an intense weekend y’all. I dropped all the nukes in therapy. My father nearly got kicked out of the session. He was big mad but he wouldn’t let me go home.
As soon as the kids got to the house, I caught 12F and apologized for snapping at her and told her I had just been on edge a lot since her mom and my dad cheated and that’s why everyone broke up. She didn’t know, so she started crying and yelled at her mom and all hell broke lose.
Leaving out the rest for reasons, but my mom came to get me, the cops got involved, and it turns out affair wife said she would divorce my father if he brought me back to their house anyway so at least for right now I can stay at my mom’s.
I guess what happens next depends on what the court says, but I had to go talk to some people yesterday about what happened plus I was able to record some of it so idk I hope it’s enough for me to be free.
Here's how commenters reacted to the updates.
DrewDonut
Cheater Dad: Shall we play a game? OOP: How about Global Thermonuclear War?
Cheater Dad: Wouldn't you prefer a nice game of chess? OOP: Later. Right now, lets play Global Thermonuclear War.
Her father’s taking her to family therapy, and bringing her over, so that everyone can have a miserable weekend. Why bother, if he doesn’t care? He could just as easily say that he understands, and call every month. After cheating and leaving, the whole “appearances” angle has gone to hell.
Status_Negotiation35 OP responded:
My theory is this. He was mad my mom kicked him out and divorced him. He couldn’t make her stay. I heard them arguing about it. Fortunately my mom is a strong person and stuck with her guns. But he knows for right now he can make me come over so he can make me stay sort of and maybe sort of make my mom deal with him in some way.
He knows the clock is ticking so all this therapy and crap is a last ditch attempt to try and make me stick around. It’s not because he loves me, it’s because he thinks I belong to him and I’m trying to take myself away like my mom. I don’t think he loves anyone but himself.
I_dont_like_rice
I would have paid cash money to be a fly on the wall at that therapy session.
momofeveryone5
You would think the court would take the 15yo at her word that she didn't want contact...
piercingeye:
Yeah, but the courts' default stance seems to be to extend visitation to parents unless there's clear evidence of abuse. In this case, OOP's father definitely should have thought twice about forcing OOP to spend time at his home.
(Along with, you know, thinking twice before cheating, destroying his relationship with his daughter, etc...)