'AITA for not sharing a free meal with my anti-Instagram boyfriend?'
"AITA for not sharing a free meal with my anti-Instagram boyfriend?"
ChelseaCheesy
I post my food pics from when I go out to eat on Instagram. It's just for fun, I spend like 30 minutes a week on it, tops. My boyfriend is a very sweet guy in many ways, but one thing that I'm not so much a fan of is that he often hops on the bandwagon of hating on innocent things.
Not just not liking something, but making sure everyone knows he doesn't like it even if nobody asked. I can't help but notice a theme: Pumpkin spice lattes, pouty selfies, Taylor Swift, etc. As you can guess, he is not a fan of of the food pics and thinks it's very annoying and cringe. He doesn't even follow my insta even though he has an account :(
Even though I don't have very many followers, I have started getting occasional offers and invitations from restaurants in my city to try their food for free in exchange for a review. Nothing crazy—no steak dinners so far—but I've gotten a few sandwiches and several baked goods.
Well, I just hit the big leagues and got invited to a new restaurant opening that includes a free appetizer and entree for me and one guest. I immediately invited one of my Instagram friends who I have gone out to eat with on several occasions and who also enjoys taking food photos.
I told my boyfriend and he's angry that I'm not taking him and says I'm doing it out of spite—I really think I'm not? If the restaurant is giving me free food in exchange for a post, I'm gonna put more effort into the post and spend a few extra minutes making sure that I actually get very good shots.
And I'd rather do it with someone who isn't going to sigh and roll their eyes through the whole thing. Also, I think it's pretty audacious of him to be actively unsupportive of an activity that hurts no one, but then also expects to benefit when it's actually successful.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Ok reverse this and tell me how you feel. Your BF takes the food pics and you don't. He gets offered a free dinner and decides to take another girl instead of you. That wouldn't bother you?
ChelseaCheesy OP responded:
If the other girl also has a food instagram and the invitation is in exchange for an Instagram post then yeah, it makes sense to take her. But to really be a reverse of this scenario, I would also have to actively crap on his food pic hobby. Which I wouldn't do, but in some bizarre world where I did—how could I expect him to invite me to a food pic event? That would make no sense.
I also really don't understand why everyone is assuming that my friend is a guy. Food insta is a stupid girl hobby, except when it would be a ~juicy detail~ I guess.
Choice_Mongoose2427
Your gut feeling about this is absolutely correct. You’re there to do a job essentially and his bad attitude would be a hindrance to you getting it done right. NTA. I want to also gently point out, as a married woman of 21 years, that for a relationship to work and be healthy and happy, your partner needs to be supportive of the things you’re excited about.
They don’t have to be interested themselves, but they do need to encourage and lift you up. Your boyfriend is disdainful of your passion. Did you know disdain has been scientifically proven to be one of four predictors of future divorce? True story.
A person’s character is their playbook. It dictates every move we make and defines who we are. The person you’re describing takes joy in robbing other people of theirs. You’re not the only person he does this to, as you’ve said.
He is also someone who feels entitled to the spoils of other people’s successes after putting a lot of energy into knocking them down a peg with his disparagement. This is his character. I hope you see that. This isn’t the behavior of a sweet guy.
It’s mean spirited, petty, and selfish. Of course he has other qualities, but all of this is right there too. So coded into his playbook of character is these poor qualities. That means they show up in all kinds of subtle ways. I bet if you look for them, you’ll find them.
aniyabel
Yes this.
I’m a Disney Adult, and I am sure my husband thinks I’m a little extra but he never once has been anything but supportive.
Chumpool
Heck I hate Disney and I have a pass. My wife and daughter love it, so guess what? I love them both more than anything.
TheYankunian
I’m a huge anime fan and my husband isn’t into it. He doesn’t stop me from enjoying it and he thought my cosplay was awesome.
AllowMe-Please
I crochet and have a ton of yarn stash. My husband is a smart man who codes and is a linguist but he simply cannot understand what "magic" I do with a stick and some string.
But he sits there dutifully and hears me explain to him when I'm frustrated and stuck on something and must frog the entire work even though he says it's like one language that his linguistically focused mind will never understand.
He's bought yarn for me and has listened to my excitement when I get new hooks. He's even helped me untangle yarn that our cats got into (why do they insist on stealing all my yarn‽).
But ask him about crochet and all he'll be able to tell you is, "I think there's something called a single crochet? Something about a magic circle?"
I'd be so sad if he openly disparaged it like OP's boyfriend does.
A_little_lady
I'm a cosplayer and my partner is also supportive even though he's not really into the hobby himself. I think OP is NTA
EDIT: OMG I love reading about everyone's hobbies and the ways their partners support them and vice versa, it's so wholesome ❤️
adventuresofViolet
NTA, your boyfriend sounds rather exhausting with his I'm cooler than everybody because I hate popular things attitude. Go and have fun with someone who isn't a sourpuss. Enjoy your dinner!
caponemalone2020
To gently point out, the things he actively hates are all associated with women.
No, he doesn’t have to like it at all, but actively hating is a part of misogyny. I don’t think this is a good guy.
LocationAcademic1731
NTA. 🚩 flag. Not because he doesn’t like something, it means he has to give you a hard time about it. There are plenty of things I like and my spouse doesn’t - inverse applies too - and we just let the other one do what makes them happy. I am concerned this is just the tip of the iceberg. Take your friend and have a great time! You didn’t do anything wrong.