Man confronts fiancée over her rude dining 'quirk,' now he can't find where she went. + UPDATED
"Every time we (25m,26f) go out to eat she orders something 'exotic' and hates it then expects to switch meals with me. She sees this as 'quirky,' I’m about to leave her it’s so frustrating. What are some solutions?"
Throwraredtherup
Maybe I’m making too big of a deal out of this, maybe it is a big problem. This has been going on since we’ve dated In college. I’ll use last night as an example. I’m always “safe order guy” meaning I get chicken tenders, steak, a burger, orange chicken etc… it’s not that I dislike other food, it’s that if I’m doing something crazy I want to buy It, prepare it, coke and serve it…be in control of the whole process.
She always orders the special, the catch of the day, the tasters menu, etc… and she invariably says “I don’t really like this, I should have just ordered what you got…let’s switch.” And she grabs my plate.
Sometimes I’m able to eat her food, sometimes it really is bad and then I go hungry. I’ve brought this up with her and she has up front told me she thinks it makes her “quirky and fun” and I’ve known this since dating her.
Last night we went to a sports bar after our league beach volley ball game and we’re starving. I just wanted food so I ordered chicken tenders and fries. This dingey SPORTS BAR was having a “snow crab special” which of course she wanted.
I begged her to please just order something they couldn’t mess up and she accused me of being so “boring.” Food came, the crab legs looked, smelled and tasted like they were rotting wax and of course she didn’t want it and wanted my tenders. I finally stood up for myself and said no, she could send them back and order her own food.
Cue massive fight. She accused me of wasting food, of not cooperating with her and not “reading the room” whatever the meant. I told her that no I was not doing it this time. She started crying and demanded to go home.
I said no I was so hungry and that I was going to eat my food. I think she got an Uber to a friends house and I have not seen her since. I’m fed up. Is this breakup worthy and what should I do about this?
Edit: We are engaged and live together, we also share credit cards and bank accounts.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
RaymondBeaumont
She sounds insanely entitled and the mentality and temper of a 4-year-old.
Why would anyone want to date someone like that?
TGin-the-goldy
Except 4 year olds are more mature than this.
caremal5 63
In pretty sure she does it simply to annoy OP / to waste money because it seems "quirky and fun". Its better to just break up and move on from if shes having a tantrum over something she refuses to learn from.
txparrothead58
My four year old grandson pulls this when we go out for ice cream. No matter what he orders and I order, he decides he wants grandad’s ice cream and we switch. It is cute with a young grandchild I indulge, but it is disturbing behavior from an adult.
GroundbreakingPhoto4
Oh my God please don't marry someone so inconsiderate, selfish, AND childish.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
I don’t remember the exact timeline of how things went down on Sunday as far me posting but original was locked when she texted me at 6pm telling me that I owed her a huge apology for the way I behaved at the sports bar and the volley hall game (I still don’t know what that is about).
I asked her where she was. She said she would tell me when I apologized. I said I was not going to apologize. She said she needed some time to think about whether this relationship was right for her.
I told her that I was just exhausted by so much of what she does that I couldn’t do it anymore. She hung up and I haven’t heard from her since. She hasn’t even been by to pick up a change of clothes so I don’t know where she is.
I cancelled all my credit cards we shared and opened a new back account and took half out of our shared but she hasn’t taken any money out or used her debit card so I guess I’m a little concerned since for all I know she has just simply disappeared.
I’m not too worried now but If I haven’t heard anything by Friday I’ll call her parents.
I kind of think she’s doing this disappearing act for attention.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's latest post:
Katie-MacDonut
Wait, so to sum this up, she ignored your reasonable requests to order food she knows she'll like, publicly threw a fit when you wouldn't give up your own meal despite being warned that's what would happen, yelled, stormed out, and has been MIA for days? Over a meal?
That she could've easily sent back herself? Holy drama bruh. Like, wow. Bullet dodged, huh? Can you imagine a whole lifetime of ridiculous public tantrums over easily resolvable stuff? Yikes.
WinEquivalent4069
Her "disappearing" is a form of the silent treatment which is meant to punish you for not giving into her demands. Glad you finally stood up for yourself and you're doing the right thing for you by breaking up with her. She's playing games trying to manipulate you. Don't let her. She can try these games on her next boyfriend to control him.
lemmful 29
IF THE FOOD IS INEDIBLE, IT'S OKAY TO SEND IT BACK AND ORDER SOMETHING ELSE. OP, you are not a dog that eats her scraps. She is super degrading. I stand by your choice to break things off, honestly.
Gwynasyn
There are many stories I read where I wonder how in the world the OP put up with the craziest nonsense. This isn't the craziest behavior, but it is crazy how long he seemed to let it go on before putting his foot down.
kalventure
What an infuriating person, but also kinda wish the OP gave a final update because DAMN that final edit is a little concerning.