Unemployed boyfriend insulted that girlfriend calls him her 'maid.' AITA?
AITA for telling my girlfriend I’m not her maid in public?
I (M29) recently got laid off a few months ago, so I’m out of work and take care of all the household chores and childcare while I’m applying to new jobs.
Yesterday, I went to a party with my girlfriend (F29) and she was talking about out situation with her friends while I was sitting with the group.
She laughingly said, “I don’t mind it! It’s nice having my own personal maid!” and everyone kind of laughed along with her.
I told her “I’m not your maid,” because I don’t like jokes like this and she told me to “chill out.” I told her I was being serious, because she’s made jokes like this before and I hate it.
I really don’t like being the only one to do housework and I can’t wait to get back to work and have a more equal arrangement again. This kind of made the situation awkward.
When we got home, she blew up at me for making such a big deal over “small talk” and called me a major asshole. She said I should be grateful she didn’t say worse things about me considering how she’s footing all my bills right now. AITA?
Here is what people had to say in response to this story:
So she stopped doing any housework because you got laid off? Is she picking up extra shifts to cover expenses and home less, or is she just being a A H? You are NTA.
I rarely post here, but certainly NTA. Your girlfriend has a power issue. I had a serious girlfriend like this once, but instead of taking it, I gave her a better response. She would come over to my place often to sleep, because she still lived with her mother. After coming over for a couple of months, she tried to take over my place.
She would continually complain about me putting my dirty clothes on the floor. I was working a full-time job, a part-time job, AND going to school. When I got home most times, I just wanted to shed my clothes and go to bed.
I didn't care if they wound up on the floor. She wanted me to get a hamper to put the clothes in and it was an incessant and needless argument all the time. Finally, one day she wanted to go to the store to get a hamper.
I told her that I was not getting a hamper. I probably would have, had she been nice and reasonable about it. She didn't have the ability to do that. She said, 'Honestly, I don't know why anyone would just throw their dirty clothes on the floor!'
I said, 'Because I know that you'll pick them up.' She didn't talk to me for a week and that's when I found that living by myself was nice again. The relaltionship only lasted a couple of months after that.
We all know the situation where a woman stays home to care to for the children and house. She does all the housework and it's burned out. Because childcare and housework is more than 40 hours a week and constant on call.
The husband says he's footing the bills so he doesn't have to lift a finger at home. Everyone tells her to leave or start putting money away so she can leave.
This is that situation, except reversed. It doesn't matter why you're staying home, you are and she's treating you like shit. What if you called her your money pig or sugar mama? She'd be big mad. NTA.
NTA. She said you should be grateful she didn't say worse things about you considering how she's paying all the bills - she really told you because she is paying all the bills this gives her carte blanche to verbally abuse you?
I hate to say it, but your GF has been put into a position of power in your relationship, the mask has come off, and she has showed you what she is really like. She actually believes that because she is supporting you right now that that gives her the right to disparage and make fun of you to anyone she wants as much as she wants, and that she is a good person because she only did it a little bit.
Think about this. There are more red flags waving here than in a parade in China!
Just wanted to clarify: gaslighting would be the girlfriend denying she ever made those jokes. This is the girlfriend being dismissive/uncaring about OP’s current lived experience while also being judgmental which is equally as abusive and gross. Also OP is obviously NTA, I agree.
Dude. come on..... You think this is how someone deserves to be treated? You're lucky she didn't say worse things.
She's a very small person and this is what happens when someone small receives a little power. NTA, but consider if this is a healthy environment for you and your child.