'My wife is going on our anniversary trip with her male coworker.' WIFE RESPONDS
"My wife booked our anniversary trip without me..."
anonymously83638
My wife posted a question about this somewhere (maybe here, I don’t know) and now I can’t find it. She posted about me not wanting to go on an anniversary trip that she had planned, she showed me the responses and some said I was “checked out” of the marriage. a lot of them also said just to book the trip anyways and I’d get over it.
After she showed me the responses we tried to talk it out, but she was mad that I couldn’t give her a valid reason for not wanting to go. She said she hasn’t travelled in over 5 years and she was going either way. I kind of thought she’d eventually get over it and forget about the trip.
Well, she took people's advice and booked the trip anyways, but instead of booking it for the two of us she booked it for her and A MALE COWORKER. Yes, a long weekend in the Caribbean with a coworker.
I asked her if anything was going on between them and she said no. I had no reason to believe she would cheat on me until today, which is is clearly going to do if goes to a resort with him.
She’s a good looking women but has been very loyal for the last 10 years. I am shocked. What should I do? How can I fix this? She thought I was checked out of the marriage but it’s clear she’s the one giving up.
Editing my post to answer questions that have already started coming in.
anonymously83638
I don’t want to go because it’s a long weekend in Canada and I’d rather just hang out at my cabin. Also, she arranged childcare but this way we won’t have to worry about having someone watch the kids.
The coworker - I don’t know anything about him, she never talks about work. She goes to work and comes right back home, when she’s not at work she’s with the kids and is never on her phone so if she’s having a affair she’s really damn good at hiding it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post from the OP:
OverratedNew0423
Why would you not want to go on a romantic trip with your wife?
boudicas_shield
He’d rather sit around his cabin doing nothing, apparently. Wow, I wonder why his wife is losing interest in this marriage.
Ok_Mushroom_7266
I don’t agree with her actions on bringing a male coworker on the trip, she should/could go alone if travel means that much to her, but I will say just from what I’ve read that she is basically begging you to go on a trip. The trip is more than just a trip.
It’s a break from the mundane day to day, an opportunity to bond and reconnect, she probably wants to feel desired and you saying you don’t want to go makes her feel like you don’t want to put effort in or desire to spend time with her.
Sounds like you both need to leave the internet out of it and talk to one another, possibly with a marriage counselor to make sure you’re both connecting and understanding what the other is trying to say.
TraditionalPayment20
I think she’s lying about a guy going to make him jealous. I think she’s tried everything to stir some emotion out of Op and nothing works.
bellabbr
Your wife brought up a want to you, you didn’t listen, ignored her and couldn’t explain to her why you cant meet her want and you are shocked she is checking out of the marriage?
One day later, the OP's wife apparently found her husband's post and felt that she deserved to have her side of the story told.
"Hi, I’m the wife who booked a trip with her coworker."
bigappleparade
And I’m really embarrassed about all of this. A few things: My husband doesn’t use social media, I’m surprised he posted this at all, when I saw the post I confronted him about it. He said he made the post to “prove a point” but clearly stopped reading the responses early on.
I only made my initial post to try to show him that wanting to go on a 10 year anniversary trip wasn’t asking a lot. I deleted the post bc I was embarrassed he didn’t want to travel with me, I know not to get marriage advice online, of all places, but I always like to hear other people’s point of view.
My coworker is gay, my husband knows that, I’ve known him for four years and talk about him ALL THE TIME. He paid his own way and is only going because none of my friends could go (mom life) and he wanted to check out the island as he is getting married there next fall. My husband doesn’t want me travelling with “some guy he never met” but none of my girlfriends could go and I didn’t want to go alone.
I'm standing firm that I need a vacation, yes I wanted a 10 year anniversary vacation to our honeymoon spot, and I’m really sad it’s not happening. It’s been 5 years since my last vacation (and that was to visit his family, so really seven years since my last fun vacation). I’ve had two kids, survived a pandemic and worked my butt off to get an executive level job. I’m getting the hell out of here for a few days.
WTF is that about him wanting to go to his cabin. He never told me that, plus he goes there at least 8 times a year. I asked him about that and he said that it’s because it’s what he enjoys doing and he didn’t want to tell me because I “would make him feel bad”. Anyway, this whole thing is embarrassing. Will probably delete post later.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after hearing the OP's wife's side of the story:
SharkEva
"I'm an introvert and I enjoy my quiet alone time but I also really like my spouse, which is probably why I married them. I can't imagine turning down the opportunity to spend time with them, especially when it's such an important occasion."
That comment sums it up perfectly. I love my free time, but I love to spend as much time as possible with my wife. This guy is checked out of the marriage.
RedditorFor1OYears
I’m a “social battery” introvert, and the moment I knew I was going to marry my wife was when I realized I liked being around her more than I liked being alone. If that’s not the case, then what’s even the point? Like, damn bro, if you’re really happier being alone then just be alone.
LivSaJo
Laughing that the dude is not only gay but she talks about him all the time. Husband obviously doesn’t pay any attention to his wife.
MagicCarpet5846
It’s probably more likely he just lied to get more sympathy. “Look honey! The internet thinks you’re an evil succubus for going on that trip with (coworker)! Cancel it or we’re done!” Wouldn’t be the first time an OP leaves out info to get the answer they want.
SpaghettioTheif
Do you want someone's permission to end the marriage, because you have mine.
Corfiz74
Oh man, is the husband awful. Totally selfish, and not prepared to acknowledge that or compromise in any way at all. "I thought she'd just give in and forget about the trip, like she usually does when I block her on stuff she wants to do!" Gaaah!