Wife tells husband to get a job, he runs behind MIL, Reddit says let MIL have him.
"Am I the a**hole for telling my husband I'm done paying his bills?"
Away-Librarian-1168
I am 23 years old and my husband is 26 years old. I have 2 step kids and 1 biologically mine but I claim them as mine always! My husband recently lost his job for the 3rd time in the past year and a half. Due to attendance, his last job let him go like the other 2 jobs did.
The 1st time he was let go, I was going through it because my younger 2 just started daycare after staying home with me for almost a year and a half. My husband kept calling out because he so-called wanted to "spend time with his family at home," but when he was home, he would just play video games or leave to go play basketball.
At first, he had the PTO to stay home but it started running out and he wasn't getting paid. So, I decided to find a full-time job while my kids were at daycare. But, nowadays daycare costs more than a 4-bedroom house.
I know what you guys would say, "why didn't he stay home with your kids?" But honestly, he would fall asleep watching them or play games not watching them. So, I felt more comfortable with them in daycare where they would actually be watched. It got to the point where I had to take out loans to pay for my kids' daycare, his car (that's under his dad's name), and other bills.
I couldn't take it anymore. I was stressed, depressed, and exhausted because I was still taking care of my kids while being a full-time worker. I told my mother-in-law that I was exhausted seeing him sleeping in and doing nothing all day, but she told me to think about how he felt, and that I shouldn't make him feel bad about losing his job.
After 5 months of being unemployed he finally gets a job for only 4 months. Mind you, I was still recovering from him the 1st time he got fired. My mother-in-law told him not to worry about finding another job and to just go to school full time.
I explained to her I would be okay with that if I could take the kids out of daycare because it would help me financially and I could pay back the loans. Also, he could be a full-time dad/ student. She then told me he can't be a full-time dad and student that's not fair to him and of course, I felt bad about suggesting that.
3 months later, he still wasn't enrolled in college and still didn't have a job. I told him I needed help with our bills, kids, and the upkeep of our house but he went to go tell his mom what I had told him. She told me she did it by herself and she didn't depend on her husband.
I told my husband I didn't sign up to do this by myself and I should be able to depend on him for certain things, like his kids. He told me he had been looking at jobs and applying but no one had gotten back to him. I told him I understood but you could help me in other ways.
I really thought he understood where I was coming from but that only lasted 2 weeks. But then, he finally found a job and again, that only lasted 8 months due to attendance. I recently enrolled in college, so I finally put my foot down. I told him it's unfair for me as his wife suffering and stressing about how I can pay all these bills by myself meanwhile being a full-time mom, full-time worker, and a part-time student.
I told him and his mother I was done paying his bills and I was only going to focus on myself and the kids. His mom told me that's not how marriage works. So am I the a**hole for telling him I'm done paying his bills?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
rocketmn69
Tell the mother she can have him back... contract has expired. She can pay his bills. She did it by herself, but she only had 1 spoiled child, you are looking after 4.
m_nieto
Quit expecting your MIL to help you. It’s clear he’s still a little boy who never cut the cord. They both expect you to be his mom cause he’s such a special boy. Kick him out and drop him.
Jjjt22
I think MIL doesn’t want her son to come home. She wants OP to continue to put up with his shit so she doesn’t have to.
The OP responded here:
Away-Librarian-1168
She has told me before that he is no longer her responsibility and that I am his wife now.
ArmChairDetective84
Tell her that’s not how motherhood works..that you are divorcing her loser son and she can either take him back or he can be homless.
BlazingSunflowerland
I'd also drop his kids off with his mom every day. She can watch them if she thinks he doesn't need to work and he doesn't need to watch his kids. Then I would take the other child to daycare. I wouldn't trust his mom with the one that isn't her grandchild.
PeggyOnThePier
Op now you know how your husband got the way he is. His mother is wrong about everything. Pack up his video games and his 2 kids and she can take of him you can go to college and put your child in daycare. Things will be a lot easier for you. No more stress and you can have a wonderful stress free life.