'AITA for telling my husband if he fights for custody of his kids I will divorce him?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my husband if he fights for custody of his kids I will divorce him?"
InitiativeDramatic11
I 27F am vehemently childfree, I am sterilized and have no intention of having or caring for any child. I married my husband, 33M, last year and did not know he had any children until 5 days ago.
I travel for work, work for myself, and have amazing pay for very few active working hours (I am a honeymoon planner, owning my own business); we have a joint account for bills and our own separate accounts for savings and fun money.
My husband sat me down 5 days ago and told me he hadn't been completely honest with me. And revealed he has 2 children 10M and 7F. He pays regular child support, however, it dips into his fun money and he wants to be able to have fun like I am, so he said he would fight for 50/50 custody.
I was furious he had lied to me and was even more angry when he told me he wanted 50/50. He works 12-16 hour shifts as a nurse and that would mean I would have to take care of the children when I'm not working or are working from home.
I told him if he fights for custody, I will leave him. We have a prenup, so a divorce will be rather simple; I get 100% of my business, all of my savings and fun money, and the house, as I inherited it from my grandmother.
He called me an a-hole and told me I should step up so that he can have more money in his savings and for fun. And because the kids won't be much hassle due to their ages. So AITA for telling him I will divorce him if he goes through with filing for custody?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
SpringfieldMO_Daddy
NTA - a better title would be "Husband is a fucking liar and I am divorcing him."
sissyjones
And most fucked up part is that he wants custody to avoid child support. Not because he actually cares about his own children.
Cute-Shine-1701
Well, the kids are 10 and 7 and he has 0 custody and doesn't do visitations with them, and it has been like this for at least three years (OP and him have been in a relationship for three years at this point). So I think it's obvious he doesn't give a shiz about them and never did.
FloMoJoeBlow
NTA. He married you under false pretenses and is now looking for a nanny / sugar momma.
anonymousonlooker123
This right here, OP. Your husband lied to you and probably married you with the intention of saddling you with his children. Get out of this marriage whether or not he fights for custody. He is a liar and a manipulator, and your entire marriage is built on sand.
kikikoni
NTA at ALL. If you wanted kids, you’d have had them already. He probably knew you didn’t want them, and wasn’t upfront about it. He could have chosen to tell you before you married him a year ago, but he didn’t.
He said “I do” KNOWING he was being dishonest, and did you a disservice. Imagine what else he could be dishonest about. Leave him. Edit to add: you COULD also consider an annulment.
Nereus333
Wait, he lied to you about having kids, and somehow you're the AH according to him? Hell no. That's way too big a thing to tell you about a year after you married.
He must suck as a dad since you would have known he was seeing his kids if he was actually seeing them, and now he wants them only so he can have more money to spend? What a gaping AH. Good on you for getting a prenup. Time to exercise it, and exorcise him.
Shichimi88
Nta. Activate your prenup. It’s time to divorce the lying husband. How did he hide his children from you for so long? Were you oblivious?
The OP responded here:
InitiativeDramatic11
We keep personal finances 100% separate and he was paying his child support out of his fun money and savings. I didn't know because I didn't pry into his finances.
knanocl
NTA. "I marry a woman who openly declares that she does not want to have children, so I hide from her that I have two children, what could go wrong?"
Now is your turn: "move on and F the liar!!!"
Hi_Im_Dadbot
NTA. That’s a pretty Fing big lie of omission. Like … weirdly so. The type of thing which should come up in the first few dates, not the first few years of marriage. You do not know the man you married at all. He’s asking for a very drastic change to the life you guys agreed to, so you’re well within your rights to tell him to go F off about that BS.
Mobile_Prune_3207
NTA. You went into the marriage under the terms that it would be child free. He changed those terms by having two children he failed to disclose to you. He also wants to change the terms of your living arrangements by having these kids that presumably.
He doesn't have that good a relationship with seeing that you didn't know they existed until five days ago. Frankly, he sounds like a terrible father. Only wanting custody under the misconception that he'll have more fun money for it. Are the kids going to eat air while they're around? Wash in the river? Sit in their rooms in the dark so they don't run up any household expenses?
TarzanKitty
So, you married a deadbeat dad. Now, so he can pay less childcare. He expects you to be his free childcare? And, he lied and denied the very existence of his children. Divorce him either way.
Later OP came back and updated her post:
Thank you all so much for helping me with this situation, I knew his lies were enough of a reason to divorce my, and I'm proud to announce, Soon To Be EX! I just didn't know if divorcing him with kids in the mix would make me an asshole, especially because he works so much.
He has since vacated my house. I have spoken to my lawyer and am filing for an annulment! I can because he married me in an act of fraud. The AMA protects me as it was a fraudulent marriage. Thank you all once again!