'AITA for taking my 1 year old to Disneyland without my partner out of spite?'
"AITA for taking my 1 year old to Disneyland without my partner out of spite?"
Ommnomnomnom
My partner goes out and drinks with his friends AT LEAST once a week, randomly with no notice. He also doesn’t ever say that’s what he’s doing, it’s usually “hey I’m gonna stop by my friends and hang out for like an hour” and then and hour turns into him coming home drunk at 2am or not at all.
He has done this continuously since our son was born and we’ve talked about it so many times and it still happens.
This last time, he did the same thing last minute when he got off work ( I was expecting him at home) he texts and says he’s gonna hang out. I texted him a couple hours later asking when he thought he would be home, no response.
I waited and texted a couple hours after that “hello?” No response. Later I called him a couple times and nothing. So, I texted him how I felt about it and said please don’t come home (because I don’t want him driving drunk, also every time he comes home late he wakes us up).
The next morning, I wake up and he texted me at like 2:30am saying he was still over there. He called me at 7am before he went to work and I was just so annoyed, he didn’t even apologize or anything just acted like everything was fine.
I vented all this to my mom the next day and since my mom and sister were going to leave for Disneyland that same day, my mom asked if I wanted to come and she would pay for the ticket. (I’m not in a good financial position to have went otherwise).
I agreed and let my partner know the plan. He acted like everything was fine until I got back and he was upset saying “I can’t believe you would take away my son’s first experience at Disneyland from me”.
Honestly I do feel bad about that, but at the same time he NEVER considers my feelings when he does what he does. I’m wondering if I took it too far by making those first memories without him. I sort of did this out of spite/frustration so I probably am the a**hole.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
crumbledav
It’s a 1yo who will not remember it and doesn’t know that Disneyland is any more special than the grocery store. So this convo is actually about you. Are you an AH for accepting a ticket to Disneyland and enjoying a day with your mother, sister and a toddler? Absolutely not. The fact that he can’t be happy you got to have a fun day is petty.
smolbokchoy
I was going to say yes until I read your whole post. Why is he crying about it after the fact he said yes? It’s not like you went behind his back. Seems like he’s not really there for you guys so why tf not girl. I’d say go out and enjoy life more, why should you put your experience with your child on pause waiting for your alcoholic husband to squeeze you guys into his precious schedule?
The OP responded here:
Ommnomnomnom
That’s what gets me too. To be honest the exact convo was “hey I think I’m gonna go to Disneyland with my family for a few days” and he said “if that’s what you want to do” which was probably like a passive aggressive no? Idk. But the whole time we were gone he was calling asking if we were having fun being super nice and when we got back it was totally different.
NeedsMoreCookies
Baby is going to grow up, whether Daddy is around to see it or not. He’s going to miss a lot more “Firsts” if he keeps passing out drunk on his buddy’s couch whenever he gets the chance, and even more so if you split up.
Positive_Problem_173
NTA. Lmfao ur husband kills me ... he actually had the guts to say:
“I can’t believe you would take away my son’s first experience at Disneyland from me”. HAAAAA!!!!!
I'd tear him a new one for that... he's taking it all away himself by not being there. He's missing alot... and if he keeps drinking and driving he's gunna miss out on the rest of his life too... alcohol and his buddies are gunnna cost him his family... what will he have left to show??? Absolutely nothing.
ConversationFree108
Ooh yeah the same. I get why you went to Disneyland and honestly dont blame you lol. My partner was the same-ish. He would make excuses and go out drinking as well. Granted, he would come back, but I hated him being inebriated and coming home in that state.
Don’t be intoxicated around the baby. Anyway, I would physically leave the house whenever he did that and go to my parents'. It did take a lot of talks for him to understand how messed up it was and how unfair it was to me and the baby for him to be behaving like that.
I’d say its his fault for not being around. He should be present in order to enjoy happy experiences. He should be there helping you through the shitty moments. He doesn’t get to pick and chose when to be a parent.
He can’t just have fun Disneyland memories if he’s never there for when it actually matters. So honestly, have all the Disneyland fun you want. Go enjoy yourselves together because you deserve it.
The OP again responded:
Ommnomnomnom
This is kind of how I felt about it. When he’s home he usually has his face buried in his phone (which I another reason I was so mad he wouldn’t respond to my texts while he was out). I do 90% of taking care of our son. We did have a lot of fun even though I do still guilty about it, but I’m tired of waiting around for my partner to be a more present father.