'AITA for agreeing to everything my wife wants in our divorce?'

"AITA for agreeing to everything my wife wants in our divorce?"

u/sahmdepre

My wife and I are having issues, she is a SAHM and I work to provide financially. I work a high stress job and its very mentally draining and I am not able to contribute that much in housework and childcare.

It has been constant struggle for past year where she is complaining that she feels like a single mother and she has all the mental burden. I tried to help but it was never enough.

In a fight she said that she will be better off without me, that she would do better with child support and alimony and will not have to care about me. It hurt me very bad and I just lost the will to fight. I just became disengaged.

I dread going back to my house after work and my workplace is not a pleasant place. We had a fight on New Years eve and I told her that I am letting her go. I agree with her, she will be better off without me. I asked her for divorce. She got mad and gave me silent treatment for two days.

Then she asked me for full custody of the kids and I agreed. Then she asked me for the house and I agreed (since kids need that big house anyways). She asked me to keep kids on my insurance and of course I agreed.

She said she wants me to move out and I told her I would soon, I have been looking for a shared house as I really do not want to live in an empty apartment.

For some reason she became mad at me for agreeing with what she wants. Started picking up fight about how I didnt change oil in her car when I promised to (I did, I forgot to tell her with all the things going on). I didnt have the energy to argue so I spaced out for a bit.

Now she keeps on crying. What more does she wants me to do? I am willing to give her everything she wants. Thats all I can do. AITAH??

Here were the top comments on the post.

Level-Experience9194

You need to go see your physician, you sound burnt out, and most likely depressed.

Gang36927

She's upset because she doesn't want to divorce. I think she'd rather have you change.

SheilaInSweden

I think you're looking at things through the eyes of depression and burnout – and depression will always want you to take the path of least resistance. This might lead you to decisions that you will regret later.

My honest opinion is that you need to put divorce on pause and seek counseling on your own (and eventually separate couples counseling). It could be that the solution is a change of job, not leaving your marriage.

exray0

Don't give up full custody of your children so easily.

It's not an easy thing to get back once you give it up.

The rest of it do what you want.

inside-war8916

Nta. She's mad because you weren't supposed to give up so easily. The average person going through a divorce would be thrilled at such an easily negotiated divorce.

She either genuinely wants you to show you want to be in the relationship bc she cares about you and doesn't want the divorce, or she's just trying to keep her punching bag around a little longer.

Your way is better for the kids. But - if you are going to look for a place with roommates, chat with a lawyer and make sure that won't mess things up for when kids come to visit.

dear_parsnip_6802

She wanted you to fight for her. That's why she was giving you seemingly unreasonable demands, so you'd say no. Perhaps some therapy to learn how to communicate better with each other even if it's just for coparenting.

external_science6849

If you want to fight for her then fight. If you want out, don’t make decisions now like agreeing to her having full custody. You will regret that later when you won’t be allowed to see your kids for whatever reason.

Take a step back and process. Go for shared custody even if it’s only weekends you have your kids. Moving into a shared place will mean you can’t have your kids spend the night with you, so don’t do that if you have options to get a 2/3 bedroom place.

Even if it’s a 2 bedroom and you get a sofa bed in the living room, make sure there is space for your kids when they need and want you

Manofthehour25

Dude you sound severely burnt out and depressed and I hope you're not actually just going to throw literally everything you have away. Divorce if you must but don't literally give her every single thing

You sound like someone prepping for eventual suicide. Get help now

Loud_ad_1403

NTA....but I think you both should try marriage/couples counseling. And individual counseling for the OP because I'm getting a sense of a suicide trajectory.

6n100

You need to see a therapist for severe depression, you are throwing away your entire life rather than confronting that and it's going to hurt your wife and kids as well. If you don't you will be the AH.