Woman feels annoyed brother invited friends to her pool, fiance says she's 'being rude.'

Hosting people can be super fun, but it can also feel stressful and inconvenient if it's not on your terms. There's a big difference between being mentally prepared and excited to have people over, and getting mildly ambushed by people who are now in your space, no matter how close you are.

Communicating this to the guests, however, can be incredibly awkward. Which is why it's often easier to suffer through an unplanned gathering.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for feeling annoyed when friends came to her pool during her work day.

She wrote:

AITA for not wanting people at our pool?

My fiancé and I own a house with a pool in the backyard. His brother, Jay, had asked the day before if him and his family (wife + 3 kids) could come over on Sunday to swim after one of the kids’ sports games, which was at a park close by to us. Now, fiancé and I own a business together that requires WFH (work from home) on Sundays. Everyone that we know is aware of this, including his brother.

I voiced my opinion that I felt it was weird for people to be at our house while we were working in the basement, but fiancé assured that it would just be chill. He said it’s normal for family to use people’s pools even if they weren’t home. So, we let them come thinking that they would swim for maybe an hour then leave. But it wasn’t just them.

Fiancé’s parents also came (we figured they would), but the kicker is that Jay also invited 2 of his friends plus their partners and their kids as well. We do know these people but both fiancé and I were not aware of this beforehand. So now it’s a full on party in our backyard while we are working in the basement. I became very annoyed that they did not only invite themselves but some of their friends as well.

It made me feel guilty that I couldn’t be in my own backyard to host people because I was working. It also felt like they were just using the house and didn’t really care about seeing us, the homeowners. Not to mention, the house was a complete mess. We had a busy Friday and Saturday and I didn’t bother cleaning much before because I figured it would just be Jay’s family.

Everyone was here from 1:00 PM til 7:00 PM. We finished work around 3:00 PM, at which time fiancé put on his swim trunks to join them outside. I got in a pretty bitter mood from it all and stayed inside. I didn’t say hello to anyone cause I figured they weren’t even here to see me, just my pool.

I did some laundry and some cleaning up and I did end up seeing a few people who were coming inside to use the washrooms. I said hi and tried to make some small talk but I really wasn’t happy. Fiancé came in and said that I was creating an awkward/unwelcoming atmosphere by not being outside.

I told him I never planned to have a party today so I was just carrying on doing what I originally had planned which was laundry and cleaning. Fiancé keeps saying that I was rude for not joining them outside after work.

He also says things like “the pool is meant to be used” and that “it’s family time”. AITA?

ETA: Answering those who have asked, we bought this house together completely 50/50.

People quickly shared their thoughts.

StonewallBrigade21 wrote:

'Fiancé keeps saying that I was rude for not joining them outside after work.'

NTA - You're not obliged to host a party you didn't want with people you didn't invite.

Encartrus wrote:

This is a fiancé problem, not a brother problem.

NTA.

SpicyTurtle38 wrote:

NTA, but you and your fiancé need to have a serious conversation about this- it is guaranteed not to be a one-time thing and you clearly have very different expectations about your home life. I hope you’re prepared for unexpected and unwanted guests for the rest of your life.

Your fiancé clearly thinks your home is a community center, and you clearly think it is a private place. Neither approach is “wrong” but they are entirely incompatible.

TimotheeChalamet wrote:

NTA. They invited themselves over to YOUR property, with no consideration of giving advanced notice of the extra people. They're treating your space like theirs and that's not right.

Set some clear boundaries and tell them when they can or cannot come to the pool, and establish the rule that they need to ask for permission/give heads up before they invite anyone else. The only rude people are Jay and his wife. And your fiance's not very helpful either.

MousingJoke wrote:

NTA. I mean who invites people to someone else's house without as much as asking? And since your partner accepted it just like that, you can see a glimpse of your future.

So there may be people who are fine with this kind of thing, but you are obviously not it, so if you are not prepared mentally for this kind of crap all the time, please try some stern talking/counseling about boundaries, and if your future husband still does not understand that it is also your private space, then I would re-evaluate the wedding maybe?

NandoDeColonoscopy wrote:

ESH. You need to communicate and express your boundaries if you want to establish them, and passive aggressiveness isn't going to do you any favors on that front. Your fiance sucks for not pushing back when the unrelated folks rolled up. And his brother sucks for inviting friends.

While most of the commenters agree that OP is NTA, pretty much all of them think OP and her fiance need to communicate with other more clearly about expectations around the pool.