AITA for wanting my boyfriend to skip his uncle's 50th birthday to be at my 21st?
In a recnet post on the Someecards Am I The A**Hole page, an anonymous person asked for help with an upcoming problem. Here's her story...
My 21st party is this Saturday, and has been booked since October last year. My boyfriend of over a year, his uncle has booked his 50th party for the same date about 3 weeks ago.
She planned her party much earlier.
My boyfriends entire family is invited and all of them RSVP’d at the start of May to say they were all attending. I only found out about his uncles party at the end of last week, and all the food for mine has already been paid for. We’ve paid per head for food, so around £600.
She's already paid for everything.
My boyfriend let me know on Monday that his family have now said they are unable to attend as they are going to his Uncles 50th instead - 5 days before the actual party.
I was annoyed because I thought it was in poor taste for many reasons, but the main one was that they could’ve let me know 3 weeks ago when the uncles party was booked, before we paid for the food so we weren’t wasting money.
The communication by the boyfriend isn't great.
My boyfriend has now said he wants to go to his uncles party first and then turn up to my party later on. I told him that’s unfair as mine has been planned for the past 7 months whereas his uncles has been planned for 3 weeks.
He wants to be able to have his cake and eat it too.
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to not go to his uncles and just come to mine?
Here'w what people had to say to OP:
Auriana A. says:
If I've only known him for a year I'm not spending money on people I barely know. NTA, and from reading the post and your comment update I’d ask for the money for their food to be paid up and then I’d be dumping him and his family.
That’s not cool at all, and he invited them he should be paying for them whether they go or not. Plus you’ve only been together for 6 months it’s not worth it to waste your time
Taylor E. says:
NTA, and from reading the post and your comment update I’d ask for the money for their food to be paid up and then I’d be dumping him and his family.
That’s not cool at all, and he invited them he should be paying for them whether they go or not. Plus you’ve only been together for 6 months it’s not worth it to waste your time.
M. S. says:
Lose the boyfriend...
Matt J. says:
He didn't make his uncle plan his party that day. Dude got invited to two parties the same day and is trying to make it to both. She should leave him because he's trying to make both of them happy?
Nia O. says:
His whole family should go to both. If you live together yea I’d be mad. If you don’t let him drop by there first.
Chelsea S. says:
They definitely just showed you you aren’t important at all . I’d just remove myself from their lives honestly. Boyfriend didn’t stick up for you and the uncle could have made his party a couple days later . Or even the week after . They definitely weren’t going to attend to begin with is what I’m seeing.
OP wanted to 'clear some things up' after reading comments:
I’m not necessarily mad at my boyfriend, I agree that’s his family and I’m ok with that. I’m upset with his family. I turn up to every family event they throw, as my boyfriend wants me to go, but he will always ditch me for anything to do with family.
I was hesitant to invite his family to begin with, as we had only been together for half a year. My boyfriend is the one who asked if they could come back in October.
The uncle was not invited to my party, but he knew it was happening as we spoke about it at my boyfriends 21st in early May.
Altogether, I invited 15 people from him family and all have cancelled.
3 years ago was my 18th and it was during the height of COVID and had to be cancelled. I had a big celebration planned then but unfortunately, it couldn’t go ahead. I am only having a 21st celebration because I couldn’t have an 18th, and want to spend it with my family.
L. K. responded:
I would actually be upset with my boyfriend. I don't play about my money. It was his idea to invite his family, at the very least he should be offering to partially cover the cost of his family canceling.
As to the actual party, there is a high probability that if he goes to his uncles party first, he will miss a significant portion of yours because he will be guilted into staying. NTA, send him a Venmo request and recoup some of your coins. No one is about to waste MY money, no ma'am.
Vicki W. says:
Hold up. HE made you invite them, HE makes you go to all his family events, ditches you at every turn, yet you tolerate that AH behavior?? Honey, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. You're not his priority and will never be.
C. A. says:
Also anyone saying you're TA needs to ask themselves why they are trying to teach young women to have subpar standards when it comes to dating men.
Sarah D. says:
Yes you are TA. He’s compromising and goin to both. He’s allowed to support his family and you on the same day.