'AITA for telling my boyfriend to not cosign a $70,000 loan for his parents?'
"AITA for telling my boyfriend to not cosign a $70,000 loan for his parents?"
For context, I absolutely love my boyfriend and his family. (We have been together for two years). They are so sweet and treat me with so much respect and we have a great relationship. But, one thing I don’t really like is how they take advantage of his finances.
He still lives at home but he pays his own bills (car, phone, insurance), and pays rent and the utilities bill for the house.
On top of that, his parents will ask to “borrow” money but they never end up paying him back and he is okay with it. He lives paycheck to paycheck.
The other day my boyfriend, male 22, told me, female 22, that his parents want him to co-sign a 70,000 loan. He told me that they wanted it to help pay off other loans and do some work on the house.
He has the best credit score and makes the most in his family, meanwhile his parents don’t make very much and have bad credit from previous loans.
He got mad when I told him that that was effing crazy and that he shouldn’t do it. I told him that he can’t be attached to that kind of financial commitment when he has no savings or foundation for himself.
We got into more of an argument about it and he called me an asshole for not wanting him to help his family.
It’s not that I don’t want him to help his family, it’s just that he is so young and doesn’t have any financial stability to make a commitment like that.
I don’t know what to do because he is such a sweet guy and would sacrifice anything for the people he loves. I just don’t want him to end up with so much debt and ruin his future financially. Any advice?
We have been bestfriends since we were kids but just recently started dating two years ago due to both having deeper feelings. So, as both a bestfriend/girlfriend I am very concerned. (By the way this all is within the state of California).
We have very much talked about marriage later down the road and moving out together within the next 2 years. We talked this morning and his words were “I’m between a rock and a hard place.” He does not want to sign it, but he feels obligated to help out his family.
At the end of the day I know it’s his decision but with wanting to build a future together, it will ultimately impact me too… Thank you to everyone commenting and giving me advice. It means a lot. I know I have a lot of thinking to do and decisions of my own I have to make. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
raspberrylot writes:
NTA, if his parents have a bad history of loans and their credit score are low, then obviously he should not even touch that paper. What he SHOULD do is help his parent get in touch with someone to help them on credit issues and that's about it. And given he is paycheck to paycheck, how much is that ARP? Monthly bill to pay? Those loan sharks are no joke.
tictactoss writes:
NTA. Lets look at numbers: His family probably has all intentions of paying this load back, but their history says otherwise. A $70,000 loan is around $100,000 in debt with interest (or more), and an $800/month payment he would be responsible for if they stopped paying it. If he can't make that payment, his credit would be scorched.
Once he defaults on that loan (and it would be HIS loan, and HIS responsibility), his credit is going to be screwed for a LONG time. He's 22? Figure a minimum of 10 years.
All the things he is already on track to do, like easily buy a car, get credit cards, rent apartments, etc, will suddenly become so much more difficult, if not impossible. Any credit he does get, will be at the highest end of interest, meaning a car loan that might have been $300/month is now $450/month.
You see where I am going here? His family got into this mess, and they can figure a way out of it without him being involved. This could literally be the deal breaker in his adult life. He needs to look at his own future. Period.
flimsywar writes:
Don't marry him. Don't get pregnant by him. Don't, in any way, have any financial entanglement with him. His family is going to bleed him dry, spit out the bones and look for their next victim. Lock down your credit.
Oh, and dump him. He may be nice, but he's his parents' supplier and will never be emotionally or financially free to start a family of his own. Cut your losses, he can't be salvaged. You're NTA, unless you let him pull you down with the lot of them.