Woman finds out boyfriend stole from his dentist, so she rats him out. 'AITA?' UPDATED
After a woman caught her boyfriend in a lie about unpaid dental work, this raised some red flags. So she called him out, which caused things to escalate. And this was only the beginning...so strap in!
Originally, the woman asked the internet:
AITA for telling my boyfriend he’s a bad person?
So recently my boyfriend got some dental trays for his teeth done (moulds of your teeth), which can be used to put product in to whiten your teeth. He’s done this before but lost his last set of trays, so went somewhere new to get some new trays done.
My boyfriend told me that when going to pick up his dental trays, the receptionist just gave him the trays without asking for the payment of them. He then took the trays and left knowing he had not paid for them.
The receptionist called shortly after he left and explained that a mistake was made and could he please either come back and pay for the trays or pay over the phone. My boyfriend lied saying he was adamant he had already paid before picking the trays up, and it wasn’t his fault that they had no record of him paying/that he didn’t keep his receipt to prove it to them. He was pretty vocal to me about not wanting to pay for the dental trays if he didn’t have to, and that it was the receptionists mistake and on her.
What sparked our argument about this was a car journey where he answered the phone to the manager of the dental practice, who was following up the call with the receptionist. My boyfriend continued with his lie that he had already paid and it was not his problem that they could not provide proof of this.
Now, something about witnessing him lie so easily to this man really bothered me, and it bothered me that he didn’t care if the receptionist may get into serious trouble or even lose her job over this mistake, or that he wasn’t losing out by paying as he would’ve paid for the product in normal circumstances.
After the call (which didn’t reach any resolution) I told him that was very uncomfortable for me to hear and witness, and he’s a bad person for lying like that when he knows full well it was likely an honest mistake by the receptionist, and he got a product he didn’t pay for.
My boyfriends now giving me the silent treatment and seems really hurt that I called him a bad person, he says most people would avoid paying for something if they didn’t have to. AITA? Should I apologise?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
From [deleted]:
NTA in the least. Huge red flag here; what your boyfriend did is outright stealing. He is also stupid. This is the 21st century; the dentist knows he didn't pay and the police will know that too when the dentist presses charges.
From jhercules:
Nta. You called him a bad person because he is. Dental equipment is expensive. So that dental tray was in the hundreds if not in the thousands. He lied and knows that the receptionist could be fired over his lie and doesnt care. This sets up a disturbing pattern. Dump him as fast as you can
From Rogues_Gambit:
NTA he's a thief and a liar
From orcagirl35:
Absolutely NTA. You are right to be nervous about him being able to lie that easily, and the fact that he is okay with stealing is even more concerning.
I would definitely think strongly about this relationship...not saying you should dump him, but maybe have a chat with him about how this makes you feel about the relationship as a whole.
Turns out, a lot happened since her original post. The woman later followed up with this mega-update:
I spoke to the manager of the dental practice. I explained that my boyfriend (BF) had been open to me about not paying and that he doesn’t plan to. The manager said a letter was already on the way demanding the payment, and if BF fails to pay then court proceedings will begin. He was thankful I called and knew it was their mistake, but was surprised by my BF’s attempts to argue with him. That’s a good result for now.
I didn’t plan on telling my BF as I wanted to end it (there’s been too many red flags, so I decided I couldn’t ever truly trust him) and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. But before I got to end our relationship in person, I learnt another painful lesson.
Recently my BF’s laptop broke. This was fine as it was old and he can’t work from home anyway (he sells cars), so he’s used mine. Earlier this week I’m on my laptop working and go to check my personal emails, except my BF’s email was still logged in when I opened the webpage. I go to log out but saw the most recent 30 ish emails were all from the same person, a girl. This was weird as who emails like that to converse anymore? I know it was an invasion of privacy, but I clicked onto the emails.
I deduced this was a girl from his work, they were emailing because her mobile phone was broken, and emailing him from her work email during the day was an easy way for them to still talk. The emails were flirtatious. They mentioned dates they’d been on, he’d clearly been to her house, they spent lunch breaks together and she thought he was single. The more I read the more enraged I became. What if I’d never clicked the email? After considering where I could bury him, I decided to remain calm.
I called my manager to tell her what I’d just learned, she’s super cool and said to take the afternoon. I then called an emergency locksmith and packed up my BF’s stuff (he alternates between staying at mine and his mums), except for his PS5 I bought for his 25th birthday last month. When this purge of my BF from my life was ready, I text him:
“I know about S. Our relationship is over, your things are on the doorstep. You must transfer me the money for XYZ. Please don’t ever contact me again.”
And blocked him on everything.
A little while later, there’s knocking are at my door as he’s pleading to be let in to talk about it. I can see him but stay silent where he can’t see me. He was on his knees crying, begging, pleading for me not to leave him. Whether they were crocodile tears or not, my heart ached. After some time he left with his stuff. I felt relief and had a good cry, but I doubt that’s the last I’ll hear from him.
I feel heartbroken, and stupid. An enormous thank you to all those who said his behaviour was revealing of his character/what he’s capable of, I will apply the same vigilance to future partners. I know this is a dodged bullet, but it hurts like hell.
EDIT
Just wanted to clarify some things:
I kicked him out of my house. I own it, he’s never paid anything towards it and has no documentation linking him to my house. He alternates between staying at mine and his mother’s, with his mother’s being his official and primary residency.
Weirdly, some of you were really focused on the fact I kept the PS5. But I paid for it, have the receipts and it never left my home. I feel like retracting this gift he’s had little over a week as an a**hole tax is morally justified after he’s been a 5* a**hole. (And last time I checked this was a moral judgement not a legality sub?). …I think they’d be very different comments if this was the other way round and he’d just given me an engagement ring and then found out I was cheating not even 2 weeks later. Yes it’d be mine under the jurisdiction of a gift, but is it morally right I get to keep the ring? Probably not.
I noted down the email of the girl my ex was cheating with in case I wanted to contact her directly. I was thinking of constructing a message explaining everything and assuring her I’m not bitter towards her. Then it’s up to her what she wants to do with that info.
Thanks so much for all the supportive messages and comments, I am reading every single one. I’m honestly shocked at the amount of kindness from strangers!
What a ride! What would you have done in this situation?