Woman buys 'overly personal' gifts for BF's family; gets called 'stalker' by his sister.
AITA for getting my fiance's family gifts that were too personal for Christmas when I'm new to them?
I'm engaged to Noah and this was the first Christmas I spent with his family. I met them in the summer after we moved to be near his family now that he's finished with college. We're getting married in February and we're expecting our first child together in May.
Being someone who has no family and seeing how close his family was, I wanted to make sure I showed my appreciation for them with the gifts I gave so I tried to get something each person would love. One of his sisters loves to read and so I made a book sleeve for her with little details from all her favorite books.
One of his nieces is on the spectrum and has wanted clothes for her stuffy, so I made some clothes for her to put on the stuffy. I bought his mom a jewelry box that she had admired a couple of times after she mentioned never having a real one.
For his dad I bought him a frame for his office big enough to hold photos of his whole family on, since he always complained he couldn't find one big enough or nice enough, and had no more room for individual frames. I included photos Noah had provided me in it. I got his other sister her favorite makeup which she mentioned she couldn't afford to buy lately.
Then I got his brother a signed piece of memorabilia from his favorite sports team. For the rest of the nieces and nephews, I bought wish list items the parents weren't getting.
Noah thought they would love everything. He told me I didn't need to go to the effort I did (I spent weeks tracking everything down and searching for certain items) but he really thought they'd like them. But when Christmas Day happened I could tell something was off. I spent the whole time worrying that I had bought them stuff they didn't like anymore or something.
They said nothing. But then the next day they asked Noah what the hell I was thinking and I was like some kind of stalker buying them such personal stuff when I'm an almost stranger to them. The next day we saw them again and I apologized for the gifts I gave them and told them I would be a lot more mindful in the future. I offered to make it up to them.
One of his sister's called me a stalker to my face and told me it was no wonder my family didn't want me if I was so creepy to do stuff like that. Noah yelled at her. I apologized again and told them I didn't want to hurt anyone and I would learn from this. They told me I had overstepped. Noah said we were leaving and they owed me an apology.
I feel so bad. Noah is supporting me and told me I did nothing wrong. But surely there wouldn't be so much offense if that were true. I need to ask AITA?
Also, not sure if this is relevant or not but I grew up in an unhappy home. My parents were unkind to me and my sister. She was much older and also hated me. I think maybe because of how our parents treated her.
But I ended up with nobody who wanted me by the time I was 16 and I was homeless for a good period after that. That's what Noah's sister meant. I had told them honestly when they asked.
I wanted to clarify something that might sound strange. I had spoken to them on the phone before but we had not met in person until this year. With Covid and us living in a different city at the time I had not gotten the chance. But they were genuinely all close before this.
I also wanted to clarify that we had met in person before Christmas, and more than once too, but I feel like I messed up expressing that here. I met them for the first time in the summer. Also, since people have been asking, they got me gift cards and they did not return the gifts.
Here's how people judged OP:
KarlyPie writes:
NTA. I'm so confused. You got them thoughtful gifts and they were mad about it? They would have preferred gift cards or stuff they didn't really want? They sound like miserable people. Sorry that happened to you. It's 100% them, not you.
GoldRule5896 OP responded:
That seems to be what they expected from me, yes. Or maybe like small trinkets. I got gift cards from them. Clearly they felt that was more appropriate for the level of relationship and I feel so bad that I made it uncomfortable for them.
Wooden_Albatross_832 writes:
NTA, just wow…I wanted to ask if they knew about your past and how you said you have no family? Maybe if they knew they would not have been so rude, disrespectful, etc… I mean you are marrying their son so kinda weird for their reaction to be what it was.
GoldRule5896 OP responded:
They are aware. I had mentioned it because they had asked me about my family and especially when we got engaged and wanted to know if there was anyone from my side they should meet. There isn't, so I wanted to be transparent without going into all the uncomfortable details.
Lawn_Orderly writes:
NTA. Your gifts sound very thoughtful and you ran them by Noah. Not sure what's going on with his family but in the future you can save a lot of time getting generic gifts.
TheCotb writes:
My next gift for them would be the finger.
Gold-Carpenter7616 writes:
NTA. And if my son ever brings home someone so considerate and sweet, I will make sure he knows she's the best woman he can ever hope for, and he better treats her like the angel she is!
I can't get behind people who don't want nice gifts. I would be happy to be seen in my interests and/or needs. Not your fault. Also Noah sticking up for you is great. He knows why he loves you, for sure.