Woman chooses career over being close friend's bridesmaid. AITA?
When this woman is concerned about her wedding, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for choosing career over a wedding?"
I (21f) was asked my by childhood friend (25f) to be her bridesmaid a few years ago. Of course, I accepted was super excited for her. The two of us met in KY 15 years ago, and then my family moved, eventually settling in Chicago. Our families remained close despite the distance.
Since being asked to be a bridesmaid, I have moved up to Wisconsin for school and in the past year have started working at my campus’ daycare, which I have thrived at and I am very hopeful that I will be offered a full time position when I graduate in May.
My friends wedding is the last Saturday of October. 2 saturdays ago was her bridal shower and party. Getting time off at my job is very hard and has led me to only seeing my family a few times a year and my friends back home and extended family once a year.
We can ask of months in advance, but it all comes down to finding another student worker who is willing to take my shift in my classroom. For her bridal weekend, I was unable to get Friday off.
After work, I took a 5 hour bus ride to Chicago arriving around 9. I had an early flight the next morning and needed to be up at 3 am, the same for my returning flight Sunday. I, admittedly last minute, informed my friend that this meant I would need to have an early night on Saturday and leave her party early.
She became very mad at me calling me a bad bridesmaid and friend. So, I flew into KY around 9, immediately changed and went to the shower and then stayed out until 1.
Got to my 7 am flight back to chicago, and then busses back to Campus. I was exhausted, but I know she was happy I was able to stay the whole time. Now, we are 2 weeks away from the wedding.
The bride told me she wants me to get to KY the Wednesday before the wedding to do bonding activities and the rehearsal dinner at her moms place. I informed her that as of now, no one has offered to take my Wednesday and Friday shifts, but I could very easily get there Friday night.
She lashed out once again, saying I am selfish for not being willing to fly in Thursday and call in sick Friday, despite the fact they know I am not sick. We are short staffed, it’s a teaching crisis, coverage is hard to find especially last minute.
I told her that it sucks my workplace is like this, but lying to my employer is not something I want to do especially since I really need a job offer in these next few months. She told me I would never treat my family like this, she told me if I loved her I would jeopardize work for her, and other nasty stuff.
She gave me an ultimatum that I either arrive Thursday or I don’t come at all. I told her that’s not possible as of right now, and she has since rescinded my bridesmaid position and blocked me on everything except text.
At this point, I don’t want to be her friend or attend her wedding at all. There’s more I couldn’t fit in this word limit, but her behavior has been very selfish and hurtful. Am I the asshole for not jeopardizing work for her?
Let's see what readers thought.
otherwise09 writes:
NTA. I feel like people need to understand that their weddings are not the most important day in everyone else’s lives. And also clarification: did she just tell you to come Thursday? Or has that been the expectation for months?
shamrock09 writes:
NTA. But your job sounds like it sucks. You should be able to take days off when you know you have an obligation several months in advance and it should not be on you to get people to cover your shift. That's crappy management and doesn't sound like it's someplace you want to work long-term.
Your friend, however, is an AH for only telling you recently how long in advance she wants you to be there for the wedding.
I put some blame on you for not being able to get there on Friday if the wedding is Saturday since it's fairly standard to have a rehearsal dinner the night before a wedding but wanting you there on the Wednesday before is a bit much, especially when she only gave you a couple weeks' notice about that.
spareimagination0 writes:
NTA, life happens, situations change, and some things end up being out of your control. It is pretty shitty of her to decide 2 weeks before the wedding that you have to be there on a Wed, not on the day you previously agreed on.