'AITA for demanding my roommate remove the tattoo she copied from me?'
"AITA for demanding my roommate remove the tattoo she copied from me?"
For context, I (20F) am a Chinese adoptee. Before leaving for college, I got a matching tattoo with my mother on my pinky finger.
It’s basically a red band that’s supposed to reference the Chinese myth called the “Thread of Fate”, how an invisible red thread connects you to the ones you love. Needless to say, the tattoo has a very significant meaning when it comes to the relationship with mother.
I met my current roommate Lynn (19F, white) last year through friends, although we were mostly acquaintances for most of our freshman year. Dorming for this year was super frustrating and competitive, but I was relieved I was able to room with someone I knew like Lynn.
All of our friends got together for a housewarming party and we started playing Jack Box (specifically the Faker game) to get to know each other better.
One of the questions I was called out for being the faker was, “Raise your hand if you have a tattoo.” Lynn was confused why everyone said I had a tattoo, as it’s not very noticeable, so I showed it to her and briefly explained its meaning.
She said how cool and meaningful it was and enjoyed the simplicity of the tattoo. I thought that was the end of it as the topic wasn’t brought up again.
This week was our finals, so admittedly I was already very stressed. We were cleaning the dorm together to prepare for the break, when I noticed Lynn had gotten an identical tattoo to mine.
I was pretty shocked by it, especially since I didn’t hear anything from her about getting it. I confronted her about it, and she defended herself by saying, “It looked cool” and that “her mom and her liked the meaning”.
The fact that she got it with her own mother made me even more upset, as my tattoo was very specific to my upbringing and made it feel less special. I told her she needed to get it removed or I’m moving out. It all felt very single white female to me.
She called me an a&^hole and we haven’t spoken since. Our friends are split on the issue, with some saying I’m the a@%hole for trying to control what’s on her body and coming off rude and others saying she overstepped by stealing a meaningful tattoo of mine. So AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
celticskye writes:
YTA - You have absolutely zero right to even ask her to remove her tattoo. Her body, her choice. Don't get me wrong, I DO understand why this tattoo is so special and significant to you and your mother.
The concept is extremely beautiful. And personally, if I were you, I'd be flattered that something so beautiful from my culture moved someone so much that they felt the need to do it themselves.
Your relationship with your mother has not changed due to your roommates tattoo. And I guarantee you that there are thousands of other people out there with the exact same tattoo.
Then, after OP adds that the tat includes her name in Chinese characters...celticskye changes their mind:
ETA: I've just discovered that OPs tat includes her name in Chinese characters and that the roommate straight copied the entire tattoo, instead of just getting the simple/standard red threat tattoo, which, in my opinion, changes a LOT.
OP mentioned in this comment they weren't able to ETA their post as of yet for some reason so I'm hoping people see this as it's important context.
Holy F this is next level creepy. Your roommate literally tattooed your name on their body. Move out. Have you seen proof her mother got one too?
Getting the standard red thread tattoo is one thing, but to straight copy your design KNOWING it was your name is just creepy. And now I'm wondering if the roommate has displayed any other weird behaviors...I'm now voting NTA and really wish I could change it above.
Other's weren't so sure...
thatonesl writes:
ESH. I completely understand how much it sucks to feel like someone has taken something that means a lot to you and replicated it as if it were their own.
What sucks even more is when people see that - and make you the bad guy or AH for the rest of eternity because "you should take it as a compliment or be grateful" for their actions. I will be the last person to say that.
Your roommate, if they truly thought the idea was cool and meaningful, could have easily approached you and let you know what their intentions were - or shown you after the work was done without you having to find it after the fact.
Roommate is AH for using your permanent body art and story as inspiration for her and her mother and hiding it afterwards. While they don't need your permission to get the tattoo (and certainly don't need to remove it) - their behavior is strange here.
You are AH for trying to claim ownership of the "Thread of Fate" idea and your roommate's bodily autonomy. She did not "steal" the tattoo from you and your mom - you both still have it and the meaning behind it. It's likely you and Lynn will go separate ways soon and you won't even remember she exists.
And if she DID agree to remove it... As someone who has lasered a tattoo before - it doesn't matter how "simple" or "small" it is. Especially red ink?
Unless you're personally paying for her (MANY) sessions and aftercare the year (+) it takes (and her mothers) - you shouldn't even be opening this up for discussion - let alone DEMANDING it.
melaniesleepy disagrees:
NTA!!!! I see everyone was quick to label you the a^%$ole, but I just wanna validate how sickening it must be to see a white person steal something that’s so intrinsically connected to your culture and also personally dedicated to your mother.
Everyone here is being soooo snotty in claiming it’s not even an original tattoo concept— it’s completely evident that this girl would have never have known about that imagery if not for OP.
It might not have been intentional, but it was an ugly decision of hers. Even if it wasn’t practical for you to ask her to remove it, it will tarnish the relationship she has with the piece, which is all I would want to do. Your feelings are valid bestie.