Woman falls in love with married neighbor; dreams about being 'stepmom to his kids.'
'I fell in love with my neighbor and then I babysat his kids. Now I'm questioning my feelings.'
I obviously can’t talk about this with any of my friends or my mom, but then I saw a Reddit post on Tiktok and I thought this would be a good place to talk about this.
I'm also gonna post this in a couple of different places based on what came up when I googled 'best reddits to post on for advice', so also sorry if this shows up multiple times. Finally, I know you all are gonna judge me but at least try to understand my side. Thanks.
I'm a 34yo woman. Seven months ago I had a messy breakup with my long term boyfriend, so I moved in with my best friend and her husband in a house we are all renting together. It was then that I met my neighbor, who I will call K. He helped us move our stuff into the house and I was instantly smitten.
We live in the suburbs of a major city, so we both ended up taking the train into work at the same time each day. I knew K had a wife and kids very early on, he talked about them often and pictures of them on his lockscreen, social media, etc. However, initially it started out as a very innocent, silly crush.
He is handsome and funny and sweet. The first time we rode the train he asked me about my job and seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying, which is something my ex never did and is something we fought over a lot.
He is always doing things for his kids, like bringing home treats and stuff for them and staying on the phone with his older daughter the entire ride to work because she needed a pep talk before a school presentation. It was just so easy to imagine how lovely and attentive K would be with me because he is like that with everyone else.
K has never said or done anything to imply that he has feelings for me yet, but we are genuinely friends by now because we talk on the train (which is about a 20 min ride) almost every week day.
I have never had trouble getting the attention of men, and with this basis we have already, I know that we could easily become something more. I also learned shortly after I developed feelings for him that his wife is someone I went to school with, and I was surprised because they are polar opposites.
He is funny, she is dry, he is exciting, she is cautious, he is a little dumb, she is very smart intellectually. Lookswise... this feels mean but yikes. I just don't think that their personalities fit very well together at all, and I can easily see K getting stuck in a relationship because he's just so nice.
The issue is that yesterday evening K knocked on my door and asked if I could watch his kids for a bit. This was of course no trouble, and I said yes right away. He told me that his wife had gotten into a car accident while away on a business trip, and because she is pregnant he was super worried and had booked the next flight out to go see her.
They don't have any family in the state currently, so he asked me to keep an eye on them for a few hours while a family friend drove several hours to watch them at night.
Now is there the issue came in. These kids were an absolute NIGHTMARE. There were three girls, and the oldest was your typical bratty preteen x1000. She was rude and didn't respect my authority at all, arguing with me about everything from dinner to who had to clean up to what movies she was allowed to watch.
I even heard her call me a bitch under her breath a couple times. The middle was rowdy and constantly wanted to play loud, messy games even when I told her no. The youngest was mostly sweet and quiet on her own, but she joined in with whatever drama the middle wanted to create.
I agreed to play hide and seek with the younger two and ending up getting locked out of the house. When I went back and tried to convince the oldest to let me in through the back screen door, she pretended she couldn't hear me and put her headphones in. Thankfully, the family friend arrived a few minutes later and let me in and then I went home.
This makes me sad because before now I would often dream about being a stepmom to K's kids one day because of how highly he would talk about them. Now I want nothing to do with them--but at the same time, this is further proof that K and his wife are not happy because children from a happy home do not behave like this.
I just want to have a relationship with K but I do not know if it is possible because his kids and I would not get along and this is even before a potential divorce where their mother could easily get them to hate me.
I really love K and I know that we could have a beautiful relationship if I pursued this, but this has really shaken me. I just wish I had someone to talk to about this but everyone in my life would judge me.
Here's how people judged OP:
rewq657 writes:
Wow. You need therapy, like yesterday. His kids are like that because they don't know you, they don't know why their awesome dad had to leave and they don't know their mom was in an accident.
You're really thinking about being the stepmother to his kids, while his pregnant WIFE just got in a car accident. You need help, and I hope K somehow sees this post and stays away from you
RedStradis writes:
Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you love him. You romanticize him and have this fantasy life in your head. In your head you act like he would drop his wife and run away with you. You justify this belief by saying his children are wild so it must be an unhappy home. Meanwhile you completely ignore the fact that his wife is pregnant and he dropped everything to go to her.
You say the kids do not respect your authority, it sounds like they barely know you and suddenly you’re in charge. You’re not their mother and will never be their mother. You think you will have a beautiful relationship with K if you “pursued” him? No you wouldn’t. He has a family that he clearly loves.
Just because he is nice to you doesn’t mean he wants you. I encourage you to discuss things with a professional because this isn’t healthy.
Gorgeous-and-Acorn OP responded:
How do you know whether or not I love him? Are you inside my head? You can love someone before being in a relationship with them. And just like I don’t know for sure that he loves me, you don’t know that he doesn’t. You never know until you cross that bridge.
I know he wouldn’t just drop everything and run away with me. There would be months and even years of divorce court, custody arrangements, etc. if he decided to leave his wife. (And before the comments come in, yes I know there’s no guarantee that he will do that.
But K is a good honest man, if anything were to happen between us he would absolutely leave his wife because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us and he told me he believes very strongly in fairness.)
That’s why I’m asking, I know this could be a messy situation if anything happened. I just want to know if his kids being difficult will make things worse if it DOES happen. I want to know if the potential pros outweigh the potential cons.
Then OP gets a text from K and shares this screenshot:
Here's what people had to say after reading the text conversation:
[deleted] writes:
I was having a crappy day, but this has brightened it considerably. Thank you!
[deleted] writes:
Not even kidding, I am so glad he found it and put 2 and 2 together. This level of delusion can be terrifying, especially if you only find out about it AFTER you've been Fatal Attraction-ed. He can take the proper steps to distance himself and his family now.
[deleted] writes:
Sounds like you’ve just been slapped back into reality.
[deleted] writes:
Not even kidding, I am so glad he found it and put 2 and 2 together. This level of delusion can be terrifying, especially if you only find out about it AFTER you've been Fatal Attraction-ed. He can take the proper steps to distance himself and his family now.