Woman forced to leave home when fiancé's ex-wife insists on visiting her old cat.
"AITA: My fiancé’s ex-wife would like to visit for the weekend and doesn’t want methere?"
Buckle up, this is a wild story.
Months ago, my fiancé asked me if I would ever consider allowing his ex-wife to visit because she misses the cat they used to share. A few weeks ago he also asked what I would need to happen to be comfortable with her staying for the weekend.
I asked for him for notice so that I can make sure things are tidy and there’s a comfy place prepared for her to sleep. I also asked to of course — meet her. I think that these are reasonable expectations for any house guest.
A little bit about me: I have a demanding job that keeps me awake and working late at night during the week and at times on weekends. I already know that this weekend is going to be a WFH situation and I am already physically and mentally tired.
Last night, my fiancé told me that his ex-wife plans on arriving Friday evening (2 day notice) and while she acknowledges that’s it’s nice that I’m okay with her visiting, she would like confirmation that I will not be at home for the weekend because it’s “bad for her mental health” to meet me and she just wants a weekend with the cat.
My fiancé suggested that we get a hotel and have a cute little weekend getaway while his ex-wife who refuses to meet me stays in our home. I’m frustrated by this for several reasons:
I don’t think how or where I spend my time on the weekend should be dictated by a person who refuses to make eye contact with me. I just want to be comfy and in my own home while I’m reluctantly working on the weekend.
Why should money be spent on a hotel when the other party could simply acknowledge that I have a right to exist in my home. The entitlement. Her mental health can’t handle meeting me?
I’m absolutely mentally ill and I’m welcoming the woman who used to bang my fiancé into our home with open arms and purchased new pillows/linens to make her more comfortable. I could also never imagine asking someone to leave their home for the weekend when they’re admittedly doing me a favor.
This would not be a cute little weekend getaway. I have to work, do laundry, and all of the other chores one does during the weekend. I would be sitting in a hotel room working and stressing over the loads of laundry that I could be making progress on if I was able to be at home.
I’m not comfortable leaving a stranger alone in my home. WTF? My fiancé is annoyed that I don’t want to leave for the weekend because I have things to do around the house and now his ex-wife is saying she might not come.
He thinks the cat will be sad and thinks I should be okay with her staying alone in our house for the weekend. Oh and by the way, his ex-wife lives with my fiance's mom.
Living with his MOM? Is this insane or what?
This woman hasn’t attempted to see this cat in over 1.5 years. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
lonestartornado writes:
WTH did I just read... Your fiancé's ex is cat-shi& crazy and your fiancé is not that far off if he thinks any of this is a normal or acceptable request. NTA. If my man pulled a stunt like this, I'd tell him if he's so worried about her comfort, he can go stay with her...and take the cat and the rest of his stuff with him!
vegandigitalartiste is shocked and writes:
WHAT????? Don't you think it's odd his ex is living with his mom? I feel like that's very convenient for both her and him. Now whether he owns that or not is a different story.
Why does he keep losing cats after a year? He's gaslighting you because he's mad you didn't allow HIS ex to share the space that YOU built with him. That's a really toxic and manipulative trait. He became the bad guy when he was okay with his ex having unfettered access to your whole house for a full weekend.
You know he'd have found some reason to dip back to that house to spend time with his ex right? You think he would've told you about it? This is SO WEIRD.
apprehensivehippo writes:
Agree. If he's engaged to OP, his concern should be about HER feelings and comfort - not that of the ex. His attitude is just not okay. And for this woman to even ask that OP remove herself from her own home so that she can have her quality time with a pet is just ridiculous.
And who wants their partner's ex having unlimited access to their entire home and personal possessions? That's wacky.
The fiance is actually the problem here, though. He should have told this woman that if she wants to stop by and see the cat, okay, but you will both be home and she cannot stay there. That's what hotels are for. Instead, he did the opposite, entirely wrong thing.