Woman 'humiliates' SIL at her 30th birthday party after being accused of 'lying.' AITA?
When this woman feels guilty about potentially humiliating her SIL, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for embarrassing my SIL in front of a group of her friends and family at her birthday party?"
This incident happened Saturday and it was sort of a boiling point for me. But first some background. I (27F) married my husband Jay (27M) 2 years ago and we have been together for 8 years.
Jay's older sister Mia (30F) and I have had a difficult relationship from the beginning. It seemed like we might get along well at first and be close because she seemed nice and we had some things in common.
But she also made one or two jokes about my appearance that left me a little unsure. Jay told Mia she wasn't being kind and he would not tolerate her disrespecting me.
She went out of her way to include me after that and introduced me to her friends and planning to hang out with me more. But she would often tense around me and would joke up and down that it was like hanging out with a teenager.
This is because I look younger. Mia feels like she looks old and is very insecure about her appearance and her perceived age.
For some time now Mia has told me I need to share my skincare routine and share the youthful secret. I have always told her the same thing. I have always been willing to share the few products I use.
But I don't use much at all and I am honest about that. I have never been 100% faithful to a product either. If money is tight I go for whatever's cheap. But I do have my go to's. She has never believed me and it is frustrating.
Onto Saturday night. Mia was celebrating her 30th birthday with the girls which meant her friends and some of the female family members she's close to and me. It was going fine until I got carded at the bar.
Mia brought up how ridiculous it is for me to look like I'm 18 at 27 and how Fing lucky I am. Then she accused me of gatekeeping my secrets and not wanting others to have the same luck.
Some of the family lightheartedly pointed out how frustrating it must be for me to have people doubt my age to the point of arguments sometimes, and yes this has happened a few times.
Mia said I should share what I used. I was getting tired of her outburst at this point so I told them and even brought up pictures. Mia called me a compulsive liar and said I was selfish and spoiled and how I should learn to be a better family member and friend.
She also brought up that I am trying to make her feel bad by "always getting carded when I go out anywhere with her". She accused me of being anti-woman/girl and being the worst kind of woman.
I lost it at this point and told her just because she was insecure about aging and looking her age and not being 18 anymore didn't mean I had to sit there and take it. I told her she is a Fing 30 year old woman and to be proud she gets to celebrate aging instead of acting like a petulant child.
I left straight after because I was so done. She was furious and has harassed Jay since telling him I was an asshole to her and I owe her an apology. He disagrees with Mia and told her as much. But I do feel bad. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
24magick writes:
Your SIL is crazier than a one-legged toad. I used to get carded for LOTTERY TICKETS well up into my early 40s. (Having 4 Grandchildren has apparently done away with my youthful demeanor these days.)
My "secret" was no alcohol, no cigarettes, very little fast food, the gym, and Olay moisturizer sunscreen on my face 3 times a day. Just don't subject yourself to any voluntary outings with her, and next time she starts her jealous sh&t tell her Botox and Juvederm are quite cheap these days. Send her a Groupon link. NTA
dinafelice writes:
She repeatedly (and publicly) called you a liar. And she did this based on checks notes because she's under the impression that everyone ages in exactly the same way unless they have a secret beauty regimen?
NTA. Mia embarrassed herself long before you opened your mouth, as evidenced by the other people present trying to gently point out the annoyances you probably face by looking "too young"
On a side note, I feel your pain: my family tends to look very young. I'm in my 40s, with very noticeable gray streaks, and I have people who assume I just graduated college (although that's progress, because people finally believe I'm old enough to drink).
I also have people ask me about my skin care regimen (in a more polite way than what Mia did) and I always feel awkward telling them that I mostly just leave it alone.
adventuroustry writes:
NTA. Ask Jay exactly how long you were expected to tolerate her abuse. Because that "light hearted joking" transitioned to abuse a while ago and now is VERY obviously abuse.
She needed a reality check and now you also have her family on your side. They might now have expressed it in the moment but you now do have them on your side.
HOWEVER, it would have been best to deal with the situation on a day other than her birthday. We don't always get to choose our breaking point though.