Woman is offended when asked to be her friend's 'secret maid of honor.' AITA?
When this woman is hurt by her friend who is getting married, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not wanting to be my best friends “secret maid of honor”?"
We have been friends for years. All through out high school my best friend, we’ll call her Morgan dated her now fiancé Jack. Morgan and Jack are getting married in August of this year. Leading up to her engagement she expressed to me she wanted me to be her maid of honor.
She straight out asked me to be because she “couldn’t imagine anyone else.” Jack also heavily involved me in the planning of the proposal! Fast forward to now: I have been helping plan everything for Morgan, bridesmaid proposals, bachelorette party, ceremony, catering, venues, reception, after party, honeymoon and budgeting for all events.
I joking made the comment while I was showing her the new budget breakdown, “I guess since I’m your built in MOH we don’t have to worry about a MOH proposal in the budget.”
Morgan then told me, “we’ll actually we still need to budget for that because I want Lindsey (her sister) to be my official MOH.” I was like, woah pause, I have been doing ALL of the heavy lifting for the better part of a year and you’re now telling me I’m not going to be your MOH?
She then told me, “we’ll you’re like my secret MOH, you can still be my MOH and do all the MOH things but Lindsey will just be my official one.” I don’t know why this really bothered me.
I’m still apart of the bridal party but I’m being expected to do everything I mentioned earlier while Lindsey is being expected to do nothing because “she is too irresponsible.”
I won’t be given credit either as not to embarrass Lindsey. I honestly want to relinquish all this unnecessary stress and responsibility. AITA for not wanting to be her second secret MOH?
Let's see what readers thought.
floater45 writes:
NTA and just wow. This might be petty, but I’d be like, “okay, well I will start turning some of this over to Lindsey…she’s going to have to put some effort in because this is a lot of work!” And then that is what I’d do.
Maybe keep one or two of the most important things under your supervision, but Lindsey needs to sweat for this wedding…whipping out the credit card, making calls, getting contracts, etc. LOL.
Also we’re proposing to the wedding party now? What on earth? Reason 917 I think weddings are ridiculous.
girl1997 writes:
NTA. My friend was 20 when her sister was getting married. Problem was her sister lives in Georgia and we were going to school in Pennsylvania. This makes helping with planning hard. Plus there is a 9 year age gap so while they do get along as sisters, there were some inherent difficulties due to that.
So, she had 2 MOHs. Her sister, and her best friend. Neither was “secret”, they had slightly different roles, and it worked for them. Maybe it wouldn’t work for everybody, but it’s a whole hell of a lot better than a secret MOH.
excitedpeanut7 writes:
Nta. Op, please stop doing anything related to this wedding. Tell bride she has 24hrs to call every place you’ve set up and change contact info to her or Lindsey instead of you. And that if that’s not done you’ll just cancel everything that still has your name attached.
I’m sorry you put in so much work for a friendship that you can see is one sided. You’re not the AH for being pissed, annoyed, or petty. Cut your loses and be done with her.