Woman destroys BF's life for stealing money from her; realizes she was wrong. CONCLUDED
Trust in a relationship is everything and she blew it.
One woman wrote to Reddit to share her shame regarding the mistake she made that austrocized her then boyfriend and ended their two year relationship. Now, she knows she can't make it right, but she deeply wants to make amends.
'I broke up with my then bf 3 months ago because I thought he had stolen 846 dollars from me. I just found the money.'
Special-Soup1839
I can't say this on my main account and I need to write this out but oh my God, I f*^%$d up. I f*&^%d up badly. I just found the money. It was in the chest of drawers i put it in but the drawer I put it in had a small opening in the back (I didn't know it was there) and the envelope of money fell down there.
I would never have discovered it but the drawers broke so I was taking the chest apart and there was the envelope. It's the same envelope because it has my handwriting on it and the receipt from the bank.
I have to apologize but this is going to be so bad. I told my friends and family about this, about how I suspected that he had stolen from me since he was the only one in my house that day. No one else had a key and I haven't left that room or my house with the money.
God, he lost mutual friends because of me. I ended a 2 year relationship over this. I just didn't believe him when he said he didn't take it.
I hurt him for no reason and then I blocked him. An apology won't be enough. I'm going to contact him tomorrow and then I'll tell everyone else. Wow, I f*%$#d up.
Here were the top rated comments after this initial post:
ilove-squirrels
Over 30 years ago I lived with a guy that I really, really loved. His sister came to visit and lost a couple hundred dollars. I got blamed for taking it. It was ugly. I cried so hard and just couldn't understand how anybody would think I would steal from them, especially him. We split up. She found it not long after I left.
Even this many years later I think about that every now and then and it still hurts that I was called a thief when they were the ones that lost their own money. I lost some friends during all that. It sucks.
Positive_Dinner_1140
After you apologize to him you need to make sure you tell everyone. I doubt he will want to speak to anyone who didn’t believe him but they still should know the truth.
SquatDeadliftBench
She destroyed her relationship, destroyed his relationships, and destroyed his trust without any evidence. OP seriously f^%$#d up. Irrationally f*^%@d up.
Goku_Kakarot91
Not tearing that chest of draws apart or at least taking the f*^%$#g drawers out is so wild to me.
Choice-Intention-926
You have to defend him as loud as you slandered him.
SoDamnToxic
They 100% will not go around telling everyone that they were wrong and slandered someone for years and ruined their friendships because of their own fault. They'll go 'yea funny story, he actually didn't steal the money, I found it, pretty crazy, I apologized to him already' and that is the last anyone will hear about it.
People who go around gossiping and slandering people with no evidence aren't people to accept accountability in any meaningful capacity because they are looking to be a 'winner' in the games they play and this will make them the loser.
Three days later, the OP returned with another ashamed update.
'I'm meeting up tomorrow with my ex who I thought stole 846 dollars from me. I was wrong since I found the money.'
Special-Soup1839
I'm meeting up with him tomorrow. A little after my first post, I logged off and messaged him on social media. He read it within minutes and messaged me back, 'We have to meet in person to talk about this.' He didn't want to discuss it further online and tomorrow is the only day we are both available to meet.
I do want to say that anything that I post here isn't an attempt to get sympathy or justify what I did. I'm aware what I did is wrong. I'm also not trying to get back with my ex or be in his life in any way. All I'm trying to do is apologize.
The reason I made this second post versus doing an edit on the first one is because I don't know if edits are allowed and I don't want the first post to be removed. Obviously I can't undo what I did but maybe someone who is about to make a rash decision might read it and realize how one decision can really mess up someone's life and to maybe think about it before they do it.
When I made my post, and realized it was getting popular, I thought about deleting it and I almost did multiple times. There's nothing like having thousands of people tell you how wrong you were to really drive home the fact that you f*^#$d up in a major way.
After messaging my ex, I then went and talked to everyone I told in person which was my immediate family, and our two mutual friends. When I broke up with my ex, I only told my family and those two friends that I couldn't find my money and thought he had taken it.
My family and those two friends were shocked but believed me. After messaging my ex, I told everyone the truth, that I found the money, and they were all stunned. My dad was really disappointed because though I never discussed it, he thought I had concrete proof for ending it.
One of my friends was livid and went straight to apologize to my ex. The other friend's reaction was unexpected and she just said ok and said she wasn't planning to message him. In addition to those people, I have told the guy I'm dating, and the new friends I have made just so everything is clear.
I asked my family and two friends, 'is there anyone else you told so I can clear things up'. My mom had told a few family members and I called them and told them what happened. They live out of the country and would never meet him.
They also didn't really remember but the general viewpoint I got from all of them was that I had to be careful with what I said because it could hurt someone. I then asked the two friends, one who said they had told her bf and the other one said no one.
The one with the bf, who wasn't planning to message my ex, forbid me from talking to her bf and so it ended there. What I have done is told my family and two friends to give my number out if they remember the people they told and if that person wants clarification from me. I don't care who it is. They can call me and I will clear it up.
I thought about making a public apology online but I can't really do that now because this situation is too specific. I also really don't want random Internet people knowing who I am, especially because of the messages I have gotten privately.
Just a quick comment about these private messages: I appreciate the messages I have gotten from people who have been affected by rash decisions/lies from others or people who have done what I did and how it affected the other person's life. It has made me realize how badly I could have ruined my ex's life and I still don't know the extent to which I did though I told a few people.
However, there are the other messages, the ones where people are hateful, angry, racist (I never said what race I was) or misogynistic (never said what gender I am and some of you really hate women). I just want to say, the person who hurt you, I'm not her/him/them.
Ok, I'm sorry that happened to you but saying hateful things to me isn't going to help you in any way and isn't going to stop you from feeling the way you feel. So maybe work on that and I realize that's ironic coming from me but when you go to these extremes, you're even more screwed up than I am.
It's only been two days but that's basically it. This is probably going to be a long process for me but yeah these are the consequences. So I'm doing what I can. Yes I am aware that this doesn't fix what I did. I am aware that nothing I can do will fix it but I have to at least try to make amends.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update:
dunnndunnnDUNNN
Glad to see that you're taking massive accountability of your mistake. Hope there is another update after you've talked with your ex, but wishing you the best of luck in cleaning up this mess.
Sailor_Chibi
The original post was so wild to me. I would’ve torn that chest of drawers apart before jumping to the conclusion that my partner of two years had stolen the money.
Actually I would’ve torn it apart, and if I hadn’t found the money, I would’ve spent the rest of forever going “I must have moved it but I SWEAR I DIDN’T MOVE IT but goddamn it I must have”.
ka-ka-ka-katie1123
Honestly, as sh*tty as the original situation was (and it was incredibly sh*tty), kudos to OP for actively communicating to everyone involved about her f*^k up. There are a lot of people who would have just deposited that cash and never said a word to anyone about it.
Medium_Sense4354
There’s some weirdo all over her post saying she’s a liar and she accused him of stealing bc she was cheating lmao. Like where do people get this stuff?
shoule79
For some reason the fact that OP blew up a 2 year relationship 3 months ago and already has a new boyfriend stuck with me. I have a feeling they have more red flags than China, beyond baseless accusations of theft.
OP gave another update:
So I met with my ex and it didn't go great. We met at a park and I can't even describe what happened. He went through several emotions from not wanting to see me again, to wanting me to explain, to yelling, to waking back and forth, and finally to wanting to try things again. I think the saddest part is he just started crying.
Seeing him go through this just hit home how badly I f@*&%d up badly and I'm only now seeing the full extent of what I did through his eyes.
He wants to be my friend(don't ask me why he wants to be friends with me. don't ask, I don't know why)and I'm against that. I'm not a good person to romantic partners(again, not trying to martyr myself) but he is insistent.
He says that being his friend will help him heal so I will try. I could have f^%$#d up his life majorly and I don't know emotionally/mentally how much I ruined him so I'm going to try to help him the best I can. Yea I'm aware I'm the a&^^%le but I'm trying. I know nothing will fix this but I'm willing to try to help him since all of this is my fault.
In the past week, this being friends might work out. Also I put so little about what we talked about because that's what he's comfortable sharing. He also knows about these posts.
These are a few questions I'm also answering just based on the endless questions I have been receiving. Again, anything I put on here isn't a justification of my behavior. I'm not excusing what I did. I am taking full responsibility for everything that's happened.
Why did you not remove the drawers to look for the money? I did remove the drawers to look for the money. The money fell through the drawer and into a ^%le in the chest. There were all new bills so it was a pretty flat and thin envelope. When I removed the drawers, I didn't see the thin &%le.
When my chest broke, I was going to send it to the landfill. My landlord told me, if I broke it up into pieces, he would get rid of it for me. Only when I broke the chest into tiny pieces did I find the money inside the inner portion. If I had just got rid of the broken chest even without the drawers, I would have never have found the money and I would still to this day believe my ex took it.
Why did you have 846 dollars? I closed an old bank account I didn't use and i removed the rest of the money and planned to go to my bank in the morning to deposit the money.
Did you look for the money at all? I did. I looked for the money for two weeks. I went room by room and basically deep cleaned my apartment looking for it. I moved the drawers, the chest and still didn't find the money.
Why did you think your bf took it? I have cameras covering my driveway and my living room. Once I deep cleaned my apartment looking for the money, I went to the camera footage. This footage showed me getting out of the car with the envelope of money, walking into my house and then walking into my bedroom.
I heard myself tell my bf where I was putting the money so the next day, I went to look for it and it was gone. Thinking I would find it and then never finding it in the next two weeks just made me suspicious. My ex was the only one in my house those two weeks and he was the only one, who saw me walk into my bedroom and put the money away.
I convinced myself that he had talked it because he was the only one with me. The video footage , in my head, was the proof I needed because I saw myself walking into the house with the cash and him being the only one with me and then the cash disappearing.
Why is 846 dollars enough for you to end a relationship? o genuinely believed he had stolen for me and I just thought, why would I want to be with a thief? I did ask him if he had taken it but he said no. I didn't believe him and I eventually broke up with him because of it.
Who did you tell? I told my 2 best friends the full details and told my family that we just weren't together anymore. I didn't go on social media, or reach out to his family, friends or acquaintances.
Why did your mutual friends stop being friends with him? The mutual friends we had were my 2 best friends and we've been friends since we were like 4. They became his friends because one worked in his field and another shared the same hobby as him. When I dumped him due to my suspicions, they chose to believe me and drop him.
Why did your friend forbid you from taking to her bf? She was embarrassed. I didn't know this but she vehemently defended me to her bf who said I essentially had no proof that my ex actually took the money. In the moment, she just reacted and didn't want to be wrong.
I take the blame for that because she just believed me as her best friend. I have since talked to her bf and cleared up everything. She has also apologized to my ex.
How are you in a relationship months after your breakup? I'm not in a relationship. I have gone on 4 dates in the past month before I found the money with this new guy and we're not exclusive. I didnt realize dating meant relationship so my bad. I did however give the new guy a rundown of what i did and he's fine to wait for me to clear things up.
Edit: Please stop messaging me privately about why he wants to be friends with me. I don't know, he said that we have to try being friends. He's insistent on it. I have told him this is a bad idea. He doesn't think so. I also offered him the money already and he said no. I offered to clear things up with his friends and they knew nothing about it.
I also didn't go on these dates with the new guy this past month. It was the month before I found the money, the month before my first post. Yes I'm aware that's still quick after a 2 year relationship since that's only 2 months.
I also haven't seen the new guy since then (about a month) at all except for a phone call telling him what happened. We're not in a relationship or exclusive. For all I know, he's probably dating other people.
I'm not trying to get back with my ex at all in any way. Even I know that trying to get back with an ex, after what I did, is horrible and it wouldn't be an apology. It would be me trying to go back to the way things were before I f*&#$d up. I'm not trying to be in his life at all but he won't budge on his decision.
Again, nothing is a justification for what I've done even though ppl are going to insist that it somehow is. This was also be my last update about this and I'm logging off this account. I will continue to live my life while trying within reason to make amends. But thanks for the different perspectives and advice. Bye.
Final update:
I can't say this on my main account and I need to write this out but oh my God, I f^%#$d up. I f^%#@d up badly. I just found the money. It was in the chest of drawers i put it in but the drawer I put it in had a small opening in the back (I didn't know it was there) and the envelope of money fell down there
I would never have discovered it but the drawers broke so I was taking the chest apart and there was the envelope. It's the same envelope because it has my handwriting on it and the receipt from the bank.
I have to apologize but this is going to be so bad. I told my friends and family about this, about how I suspected that he had stolen from me since he was the only one in my house that day. No one else had a key and I haven't left that room or my house with the money.
God, he lost mutual friends because of me. I ended a 2 year relationship over this. I just didn't believe him when he said he didn't take it. I hurt him for no reason and then I blocked him. A apology won't be enough. I'm going to contact him tomorrow and then I'll tell everyone else. Wow, I f&@*$d up.
Here's what people had to say after the final update:
After you apologize to him you need to make sure you tell everyone. I doubt he will want to speak to anyone who didn’t believe him but they still should know the truth.
You have to defend him as loud as you slandered him.
Over 30 years ago I lived with a guy that I really, really loved. His sister came to visit and lost a couple hundred dollars. I got blamed for taking it. It was ugly. I cried so hard and just couldn't understand how anybody would think I would steal from them, especially him. We split up.
She found it not long after I left. Even this many years later I think about that every now and then and it still hurts that I was called a thief when they were the ones that lost their own money. I lost some friends during all that. It sucks.