'AITA for putting my boyfriend's cat down without permission?'
"AITA for putting my boyfriend's cat down without permission?"
I (31f) put my boyfriends (36m) elderly cat (Sox) down on Monday and he has refused to forgive me. Background information: My boyfriend got Sox after graduating college so he was about a 15/16.
I started dating my boyfriend around 7 years ago. He loved his cat dearly but whenever I visited it was clear he was pretty relaxed with daily care. Liter box was constantly disgusting and changed maybe once every few weeks. Sox was left out a whole bag of kibble to eat on and often it would go stale with ants and Sox would refused to eat.
We ended up getting a place together and immediately Sox became my responsibility. Liter box, feeding, vet visits. 99% me.
I became pregnant back in March and could no longer clean Sox’s liter box. My boyfriend did for maybe 3 weeks but then he stopped. I ended up hiring my 11-year-old nephew to help.
On July 5th we woke up to find Sox VERY sick. He had been vomiting more than usual for the past few days and had an accident in our office. He was sleeping and would not wake up.
We rushed him to the emergency vet where he was diagnosed with late stage heart failure. We were then given the option to put him down then or treat him. My boyfriend chose to treat him.
He was given an ACE inhibitors and fluids and stayed in the emergency vet for 4 days before being released. Surgery was not an option.
Since picking up Sox he had been a miserable, sickly cat. Our vet gave us pills to manage his pain that has him sleeping all day, constantly drooling, not eating and nonstop accidents.
Two weeks ago I told my boyfriend that Sox really needed to be put down because his quality of life was so low. It was physically painful for me to see him so sick. I was still providing all care as my boyfriend avoided him altogether because it was too upsetting.
He said he didn’t want to put him down at the vets but would take him to his dad's to put him down “the old fashion way”. I said fine, do what you need to do. He kept putting it off and putting it off.
It became very clear this cat was dying and dying slowly and I couldn’t take it. On Friday I told my boyfriend Sox needed to be put down this weekend or I was taking him in Monday. He got upset and left without Sox. So I set up an appointment for Monday and texted my boyfriend the time. No response.
I took off work Monday morning. Called my boyfriend again and told him the appointment time. No response.
I gave Sox his last meal, an extra large dose of pain meds and drove him to the vet where he peacefully passed away with me by his side. I texted my boyfriend to say that he had died and immediately got an angry call.
He said a lot of terribly hurtful things. I was hurt and crying but knew he was speaking from grief so let him say what needed to. My boyfriend returned Tuesday night and has refused to talk to me.
In my heart, I know I did the right thing by Sox. But I think I did the wrong thing by my boyfriend and I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive me. Am I the a**&%le?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA, your BF was living in denial and causing an incredible amount of unnecessary suffering. You did the compassionate thing AND gave him ample time to do it himself and come to terms with it. If this is how he reacts to stressful or sad situations, that doesn't bode well.
Seriously. Choosing to put an animal down is incredibly difficult, and often times people struggle with feeling they did it a day too soon or too late. Here it seems pretty clear that BF was just ignoring the fact that poor Sox had no quality of life, and was likely suffering on top of that.
Not to mention, saying his father would 'take care of it the old fashioned way'?? Yeah shooting a cat is definitely going to be calmer than lovingly giving him a final meal, some extra pain meds, and sitting with him at the vets like OP did.
OP Absolutely NTA, your boyfriend took poor care of Sox on his own, then dumped all responsibility for Sox on you the moment you moved in together, and then was willing to watch Sox slowly die because doing anything about it would have required him to spend a few moments facing a hard decision.
You did what was best for Sox, and if I were you I'd be really concerned that looking out for Sox has meant that the father of your child is giving you the silent treatment like a four year old.
NTA, get a new boyfriend, this guy is awful.
NTA. I was ready to go the other way because I was thinking 'without his permission' meant 'without his knowledge.' You did right by the cat. You did good. Could have and probably should have been done sooner but you did what you could, I think.
Personally, IIWY, I would be rethinking the relationship. For me, how a person treats their pets/animals is a huge indicator of their character. And your BFs behavior isn't painting him in a very good light.
NTA. Your boyfriend though is TA because of the following:
horrible attitude towards Sox's care, leading to a demise filled with suffering for no reason other than his own selfishness.
putting you and your unborn baby at risk.
being a bad, lazy partner and making all of the work associated with Sox your job. I'd take this as an insight into what kind of father he will be.
whatever he said to you after you did the right thing.
his suggestion to kill Sox the 'old-fashioned' way. WTF.
Basically, I'd be getting out of that relationship as fast as possible.