Woman REFUSES to let MIL wear her wedding dress for her vow renewal. AITA?
When this woman is upset with her MIL, she asks Reddit:
"WIBTA for refusing to let my MIL wear my wedding dress for her vow renewal?"
I (24f) got married to my husband Marcus (25m) three months ago, it was absolutely wonderful and went off without a hitch.
My MIL Rose (46f) and my FIL David (47) are going to get their vows renewed a month from now, they both said that my wedding inspired this. I was happy for them and thought it was a great idea, my parents did the same but on a smaller scale when I was 19.
However, a week ago Rose came to me with the request that she wear my wedding dress since she was forced to sell hers when Marcus was a kid, and didn't want to spend the money on a brand new wedding dress. I was shocked and just told her that I would think about it.
I have thought about it and I honestly don't want her to wear it. I want to preserve it for a future daughter or granddaughter and the dress would have to altered in order to fit my MIL.
I'm also afraid of it possibly stained or torn since Rose is clumsy and has ruined expensive clothes of mine or her own because of it. The fabric is delicate and part of it is white, which is notoriously hard to get stains out of it.
Rose has been texting me about it, wanting to know my answer and I haven't told Marcus about her request yet.
The reason my MIL asked me instead of renting/thrifting a dress is because she doesn't think clothing should be rented out and she'd feel uncomfortable wearing a stranger's dress when I asked her about it/offered those options. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
shoutout1234 writes:
NTA - politely, but firmly say no. Do mention it to hubby first because MIL is going to call her son once you say no, and he needs to be o. The same page as you.
Sorry MIL, but the answer is no. Your wedding dress is a very personal thing for a woman. You are just not comfortable with your dress being loaned out and altered a few months after your wedding.
This is a test. MIL is testing you to see if you will rollover for his request. You need to be polite, but firm. Sorry MIL, I appreciate you asking, but the answer is no. (Do not get into the reasons why, once you do that, she will have a mitigation for each reason. So keep it simple. Sorry, but no.).
You can point that customarily a dress for a vow renewal is a simpler version of a wedding dress as the renewal is not the same as a wedding.
If your husband questions why you don’t want to loan it to his mother, tell him that the wedding dress for you has the same emotional connection as your engagement and wedding rings.
This is very personal to you as it is to any woman, and you really can’t help but wonder why your MIL would want to wear her DILs wedding dress for her vow renewal.
She should get a new dress for her renewal and they actually make dresses for vow renewals, because a renewal is not a wedding. The dress for a renewal is simpler than a wedding dress.
If you can’t stand up to her now, politely but firmly, she will own you for everything else that she wants for the rest of your marriage. Do not fall for any guilting, begging, crying, etc. do google vow renewal dresses…
sk1999sk writes:
Nta - politely tell her No. you do not have to give a reason. If she asks why, just repeat, “no” then change the subject. Or you can say, “ no, I am no longer lending clothing to anyone.” it is not your fault she sold her dress. She can borrow dress from someone else. If you can, send your dress to be professionally preserved.
nioc14 writes:
NTA. A wedding dress is personal, and you should not be sharing it with MIL if you don’t feel comfortable to. Certainly social norms would not expect you to do that, so you should not feel like you are the AH. Why have you not talked to your husband about it? You absolutely should talk to him too.