Woman 'refuses' fiancée's weight requirement; he dumps her, says she 'badmouthed' him.
'Am I for refusing to weigh myself in front of my partner?'
I am very insecure about my weight and put on over 10kg through covid, work stress and grief. I received an ultimatum in July from my fiancée that if I didnt lose 4kg by my birthday (yesterday) the wedding at the end of this year is off and demanded to know what my starting weight was.
I was really distress/sad by this at the time of request that I couldnt even engage with him for a week. I even saw a psychologist to help me process it. I eventually cracked and told him my weight (76kg). We don’t live together. I worked really hard and lost 5kg in about 5 weeks. Yesterday was my birthday, the weigh-in day, he came over to visit.
First thing in the morning. I want to get this over with (still upset by the whole experience) and I stood on the scale in my pjs with my weight coming in at just over 70kg which he looks at and verbalizes.
He weighs himself then asks me to come back and re-weigh myself in front of him without any clothes on. I refuse. My reasoning was that I already felt humiliated and I was mentally only prepared to do it once which in my mind I did.
He thinks I’m the a&^hole because I refused to do something that was important to him. I think he’s the a@*hole for making me go through this experience. I texted a single trusted friend who gave me some reassuring words (essentially that I’m not crazy and this isnt my fault) which i shared with him not saying who the friend (F) was.
He thinks that is not impartial and i’m badmouthing him. We broke up over my refusal to re-weigh myself in front of him without clothes on. I know people who are impartial…. The internet!. Am i being unreasonable/the ah in not doing something that was important to him? Am i for refusing to weigh myself in front of my partner?
Info from OP: I just turned 40 and he is a year and a half younger than me so 38. We're both lapsed catholics. He broke up with me.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
mcnegyis wrote:
Neither of you are a@# holes. He wants someone who’s in shape and healthy. You’re not willing to go to put in the work to do it. That’s not wrong, you can live how you want. But he also has the right to not want to be in a relationship with someone like that.
qwerterifique OP responded:
Bro.. what are u talking about? I starved myself and hit the gym. I exceeded his weight requirement . I just refused to re-weigh myself without clothes on in front of him.
PuzzleheadedGift5532 writes:
This is a control issue, not a weight issue. His moronic and harsh handlling of the situation would piss off Mother Theresa. At the risk of overstepping, can I ask why you are even thunking of going through with this wedding? How horrible will the next stunt he pulls be? RUN!
qwerterifique OP resonded:
Coz when things are good he made me happy and i love him. Things have been slowly deteriorating over time. More comments etc… but when you love someone you love someone right?
ASweetTweetRose writes:
I want to give you the biggest most supportive hug!! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and surround yourself with only supportive people!! The last few years for all of us have been s$#t and things aren’t done yet. The last thing you need is someone who only cares about your weight and thinks your PAJAMAS are going to make a difference on the scale!!
Oo I sincerely wish I could wrap you in the most protective hug!!
qwerterifique OP responded:
Thanks friend.
NeanderthalMeander writes:
Not only did you lose the weight, but proved it fully clothed. The hell does he want from you? NTA and do NOT go back to that. Self respect starts at home.
galaxy_defender_4 writes:
WTF did I just read? Girl the point to dump his ass was back in July when he gave you the ultimatum!!!! If he doesn’t love you as you are he isn’t worth the heartache! Lose weight if YOU want to by all means but to do it just because he said he wouldn’t marry you if you didn’t shows enormous controlling behaviour, immaturity & huge AH vibes! NTA!