Woman 'ruins' family vacation because sisters don't approve of her marriage. AITA?
"AITA for being the reason why the family vacation has to be canceled?"
Ok to make it short: i married for money. My husband is with me for appearances and we are happy with our arrangement. My husband and I married because I have all the "qualifications" to please his family and he takes financial care of me. We are very fond of each other and love each other.
But not in the classical marriage sense. We are like amazing roommates with some benefits. He and I are free to live our life's independently and without stresses. He is not worried about being cut off from his family and I am finally financially stable and am free to work my job that simply is not as economically beneficial.
To the problem: My sisters have never approved of my decision. They say i sold myself. Which... fair. But still we (used) to be civil with each other.
Last week we hd a family BBQ. I went without my husband. Everything was going great until my oldest niece (21) sat down next to me and we started talking. And then she asked be me straight up, if I was with my husband for money. I explained to her how we met, our agreement and so on.
She then asked me if i think it would be okay for her to pretend to be her gay best friends GF. I told her it was up to her to decide and if there was no negatives to it (like her having actual feelings for him, someone getting hurt like a romantic partner etc etc). It was a lovely talk.
Strike two was apparently when my other nieces asked me where my husband was and I told them, that he was on vacation. They asked me why I didn't go with him and I said that we only sometimes go together to vacations. We usually take little trips together but go on longer vacations with friends or family.
My niece(16) asked me if it was true what her mom and aunt said about me being a gold digger and i just said" i guess so". Like, that doesn’t face me. I know my sisters constantly talk about me behind my back and I am not ashamed about my marriage at all. so i see no need to lie.
Later that night my sisters cornered me and we had a fight about my words with my nieces. They said it was completely inappropriate what i told them. That I am free to live my weird life but to not let my niece think, that it is okay what I do.
I called them small minded and that I was only answering my nieces questions and I was even honest. They are free to do their own decisions. My sisters kept cornering me, calling me all sorts of names and saying i was basically influencing their daughters negatively because I was miserable.
I said some words back and left, not talking to them the whole week. Now there is a huge fallout because I pulled out of the family vacation because of this fight. But the vacation would be at my husbands summer House. And as I am not going, my husband doesn’t feel comfortable lending my family the house.
My family has been calling me a huge AH and my sisters said that i was blowing things out of proportion. AITA? SHOULD i STILL GO?
Let's see what readers thought.
atealin writes:
NTA. You are the gold digger, yet they expect to reap the benefits of the gold even when they judge you for you. Entirely proportionate responce, OP. Also your nieces are old enough to start thinking for themselves and these are very good conversational topics which are better handled without parental scowl around.
Congratulations on your marriage. People forget that "marry for love" is quite a recent thing and in not that distant past it was most like a business deal and if you could find a spouse that treats you with respect and you grow fond and friends together it was considered a successful marriage.
It seems to me that's what you have, even if it is not the fairytale dream or the religious ideal.
acceptablebunch0 writes:
NTA, but I don’t think you need to be so harsh on yourself or your husband. All relationships are partnerships, and work in different ways.
You clearly care for this guy and respect him, and he clearly trusts and respects you so frankly stop calling yourself names and accept that you have a good relationship with someone you care about. It all sounds very sensible and mature.
twoawful76 writes:
NTA. Your family is awful. What are they telling your nieces about you behind your back that prompted those questions? It looks like you're a hot topic of conversation. If they don't want their kids exposed to such ideas, maybe they shouldn't gossip about you so much around their kids.
Now they're upset because they won't have access to your husband's summer house. Do they not see their own gold-digging attitude there? Your relationship works for you and your husband.
You each know where the other stands. You're honest and open about your situation. That's more than I can say about many "normal" marriages. I wonder if your sister's marriages are as secure.