Woman shamed by friend, 'I eat healthier than you.' Claps back, 'Liar! I've been tracking you.' AITA?
When this woman feels attacked for being on a weight loss journey, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for tracking how much my friend eats to prove that she doesn’t eat as well as me?"
I don’t care what she is eating what is bothering me is her constantly lying and being it up every single day even when I have asked her to stop.
This is such a weird situation, I used to be overweight ( I was pretty fat) and I am finally at a healthy weight. I live with a long term friend and she didn’t join me on my fitness journey but keeps making comments.
It started with comments about doing the same things as me. Like I ate a salad today but I know for a fact she didn’t. I went on a run, and I know it is a lie. So it was constant lies, and when I question her she clams up.
My biggest issue is she keeps going on about how she eats the same as me. It odd and annoying. Like I made chicken for dinner the other day, I get a serving and then she will get multiple.
After dinner she makes a big deal of how we are the same and she isn’t losing weight. Like I just saw you eat four wraps to my one. I’ve asked her to stop so many times.
Annoying but whatever, it changed to her telling me she eats better than me. That she is being more health conscious and what not. My breaking point was coming home and the brownies were gone.
I knew there were still multiples before I left. Later that day she we ton about how much healthier she is and I brought up the brownies and we got in a huge fight.
So for a week I kept track of what I ate and what I saw her eat. Long story short her list was a lot longer than mine.
So today when he went on about being healthier I pulled out the list and asked her to stop because clearly she doesn’t have healthier eating habits huge argument, she thinks I am a huge asshole for shaming her.
Let's see what readers thought about this.
coastalkid7 writes:
Personally I think this is a bit ESH. I completely understand your frustrations. You went on a health journey that she didn't come along for and you're the becoming the sounding board for her delulu behavior.
But as someone who has also been overweight, I'm sure you actually understand that delusion and that your behaviour was a shame game rather than a "you're tapping out my emotional bandwidth with this, I can't listen to it anymore".
zelnos writes:
You are not shaming her. That's an excuse people will use to avoid responsibility. Don't get me wrong, "shaming" definitely is a thing, but not everything you say and do is "shaming".
This seems like a classic case. Denial, lack of responsibility. I will believe you did what you did with good intentions. Actually showing her that she isn't doing what she think she's doing is a good first step in having her realise that she's in denial.
The main problem with being overweight is health complications. If you're healthy you can weigh whatever. But if you're not healthy...that's an issue...mostly for the person themselves.
Pushing someone to realising they are doing harm to themselves through bad habits and that they are in denial of that is, in my opinion, never a bad thing. Who know, in the future she might be thanking you for pushing her.
If this is what it takes to make her stop lying to you and to herself, and to face the denial she's been having, I have no problem with that what-so-ever. NTA.
pveellmagi writes:
yea, ESH. i'm sorry that she won't respect your boundaries around eating as a topic of conversation. that's shitty of her. it clearly irritates you, and were you a survivor of ED it could be potentially triggering--people need to be sensitive about talking about food and weight and she's clearly being a jerk.
that said, logging someone else's food is a clear violation. you're not her dietician. food logs are another potential trigger for people with ED, just because she's blasting past your boundaries and saying potentially triggering things doesn't mean it's appropriate for you to respond in kind.
have you shut her down by telling her in no uncertain terms to stop talking about food and diet around you? if you have constantly tried to shut her down by calling her out on a lie, rather than rejecting the topic itself, that might be the issue. she might genuinely not realize that she's lying and might truly believe she's eating better than you.
if this is the case then, yes, your log is the proof she might need to realize that, but because of how many people in todays culture struggle with ED i just really do not think you should have gone there and it would have been better to just tell her to never mention diet around you again.
notfarmwoman writes:
It's a complicated situation, but I'm going with YTA because you are keeping lists of somebody else's behaviors so that you can pull out documentation in an argument? This is next level asshole work.
Not to mention, what a waste of brain space for you. Stalking your roommate to count how many times she actually eats a salad? You probably need to find something better to do with your time.
goalsecrets writes:
NTA. Roommates behavior falls under the "tell me the truth no matter what" rule and then being shocked and upset when that truth isn't what you wanted to hear. Roomate is clearly trying to minimize OPs efforts to lose weight.
Saying "we ate the same thing" when you clearly didn't is akin to saying "I wish I had a good metabolism like you and I could lose weight without even trying". One comment can be ignored, but if this is a daily comment it is unacceptably rude. Roommate demanded OP validate her delusion, and OP told her the facts.
It hurts to hear. It doesn't make Roommate feel good. These things don't make OP an AH. Roommate has been asked time and time to stop comparing their eating habits and did not stop. Sucks to suck.