Woman wants unemployed BF to get up earlier, clean more; he calls her 'condescending.'

'AITAH for telling my boyfriend to get up earlier?'

Me (37F) and my partner (35M) are at an impasse. I work a full time job in a very physically demanding environment, and my partner is unemployed (for about ~2 years now).

Recently , he has been getting up extremely late in the day and going to sleep at around 4am after playing some video games from about 12. I’ve been on night shifts this month, so I’ve been unable to get certain errands done during the day as I’m asleep.

I got upset yesterday after my partner was still asleep when I woke up for work at around 6pm. We had a major argument and he claimed that playing video games is his “decompression time.”

I asked what’s he decompressing from, and he didn’t have an answer. I told him that I’m exhausted from work and it would be nice if he could clean up a bit while I slept, since we live together and he isn’t currently working.

He got defensive and told me that I live here, too, and that I should be cleaning up more. I shot back that I’m paying the damn rent and all the bills to keep a roof over our heads and the least he could do is empty the bins that are overflowing with (his) energy drink cans. He told me that he needs the energy drinks, and that I have no idea how tired he gets.

We argued for a while before I told him that I want him up and out of bed before 12 every day and for him to tidy his own messes. He got quiet and called me condescending before going into the bedroom and turning on his Xbox. I followed him and asked him how I was being condescending, but he just ignored me.

I’m sat in the living room as I type this, and I’m honestly just so tired and want him to do something besides draw and play video games all day. AITAH?

Here's what people had to say to OP, and indirectly her BF:

Infinite_Tiger_3341 writes:

Do you want permission to break up? You have permission to break up.

This_Beat2227 writes:

NTA. But should it be his unemployment you are addressing together ? The sleep schedule and chores seem symptoms. Why is he unemployed two years ? Seems like he should be keeping the same hours as you, where his “job” is to find work ? That might include career counseling, mental health treatment, training upgrades, etc.

Ok-Needleworker-774 writes:

My ex husband had similar behaviors and it was definitely untreated depression.

WeddStrange5916 writes:

Since he's not working, he should be doing everything around the house!!

stephanielil writes:

I highly doubt this is a medical issue. It doesn't even sound like depression. It sounds like a grown ass man who is extremely entitled and is content sitting on his ass playing video games all day while having no responsibilities at all.

He's basically living like a teenager. The fact that he not only refuses to lift a finger and even clean up after himself, but then doubles down and says OP should clean more too since she lives there just screams entitlement. He's been jobless for two years, and it sounds as if he's perfectly content living like this. Poor OP.

AnxFXDHJlcome1285 writes:

Dramatic change in his behavior is the only acceptable alternative if he wants to keep a roof over his head.

Equal_Educator4745 writes:

NTA. My parents taught me 'If you can't have the job you want, take the job you can get.' It has served me well to be productive and provide for my family. He needs to grow up quickly or you should end it.