Woman warns son about proposing to his GF, 'she has too many red flags.' AITA?
When this woman is concerned about her son's future, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my son to think hard about proposing to his girlfriend because of her background?"
My son has been dating a girl, let’s call her Eva. She is sweet and respectful to us. But I can tell she isn’t fully opened up to us, and is hesitant to get close to me and our family.
We’ve never had any issues, fights, and have always been on good terms. My husband and I weren’t sure how to approach her at first, because my son has explained to me her backstory as the two years have progressed. I’m not judging, just concerned.
Recently, he’s been talking about proposing to her. I’m happy for him that he’s found love finally, but my husband and I brought some concerns to him.
Before I explain my feelings, I’ll try to explain her backstory. I haven’t tried to be nosy, but my son told me and although Eva hasn’t told us directly, he says she’s pretty open about it in general.
Estranged from all of her family except her grandmother. Her grandmother is loud and struggles with her own things. But has always been there for her from what I’m told.
She is the third generation to grow up without a father in her family. Her siblings have a different dad. And I guess her mother didn’t even know who Eva’s dad was. She’s supported herself financially from a young age. Her mother struggles with mental illness and was neglectful and abusive.
Her grandmother has always lived in poverty. I admire that though because she worked three jobs to support her children as a single mother.
They’ve been together two years, and we’ve never met any of her family. My son has met her grandmother when he came over while she was still living there. He told me that she was screaming at the neighbors and on the phone all the time.
Because of her broken sense of family, I worry how this will be in the long run. When it comes to them starting a family of their own. He told me Eva’s biggest fear is “turning out like her family” and that worries me. Am I the asshole for expressing my concerns to him and telling him to “think hard”?
Let's see what readers thought.
revunclebatard writes:
YTA. This poor girl has managed to grow up sweet, respectful and financially independent in spite of having a sh&^ show of a family. There are many good reasons to talk your kid out of a relationship.
This is not one of them. Stop judging this girl by her family's behaviour and start judging her on her own. What you are doing right now is disgusting bigotry.
You apparently feel that you grew up in a better family than hers, but you turned into a disrespectful asshole, so there's proof right there that your background doesn't determine who you are.
recklessteacup writes:
YTA- she sounds like she overcame a lot with her family and you are being super judgey because she doesn’t come from a family similar to yours.
She probably hasn’t opened up to you completely because having a “normal” family or whatever you consider yours to be is very different than how she grew up.
It’s also hard to warm up to someone if you feel like you are being judged. She sounds very nice and responsible and if your son loves her that’s all that matters. Instead of punishing her for her family welcome her into yours and make her feel more comfortable.
orangecubit writes:
YTA - you really think your son shouldn’t marry a woman he clearly loves because she survived and overcame a bad family situation.
Take heart, your son turned out to be a great person despite having a cruel and judgemental parent. It proves we are all our own people who make our own choices.