'AITA for avoiding my roommate after she unnecessarily said we're never sleeping together?'
Having roommates can be awkward for a variety of reasons, so it can be nice to get an outside perspective on the dynamics at play.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for avoiding his roommate after she made it clear she wouldn't cheat on her BF with him. He wrote:
"AITA (M27) for avoiding my roommate (F22) after they unnecessarily needed to assert that we are never sleeping together?"
Rm = Roommate
I want to be in the wrong here. My rm has a partner. My rm has been living in my house for a week at this point. My rm and I were alone and chatting about ourselves.
My rm brings up something one of my friends (F25) said while they were over. My rm asks if my friend was implying that I am ‘well-endowed’. We laughed it off and I managed to answer the question without implying a ‘yes or no’. My rm then asks what I think about cheating. I express my disapproval of it. Then my rm says “Just so we’re clear. We’re never sleeping together.”
This made me incredibly uncomfortable. I had already expressed my disapproval of cheating. I had described my ‘type’ a day prior, which perfectly doesn’t describe my rm. That assertion felt like it was for themselves, because they want to cheat and think they shouldn’t. Or they are trying to scrape up any attention they can get for themselves. Making it seem like I’m trying to sleep with them.
Redditors weighed in with their thoughts.
coastalkid92 wrote:
This isn't an AH situation, this is a miscommunication situation.
It sounds to be like your roommate was just trying to make it clear that their line of questioning wasn't intended to open up anything, it was just curious questions.
OP responded:
Why would you feel the need to though? After the person has just expressed their disinterest in cheating and has expressed their type being different people?
Aggravating_Drop4988 wrote:
Being curious about other people’s endowment while you are in a relationship is the AH move.
epanek wrote:
NAH. However history is full of people getting together that one claimed wouldn’t happen. In fact the fact she brought it up unprovoked is interesting. You aren’t close friends right?
OP responded:
Rm is a random that found my room on an agency site.
deathandtaxes2023 wrote:
NAH - I think your rm was just setting a clear boundary. I know you had expressed you don't condone cheating and you had outlined what your 'type' was and your rm doesn't fit that type - however, a lot of women have been in situations where a guy has said one thing (just friends, not interested etc) and then, at some point, tried to make a move.
Or they have been in situations where having an open nsfw-type discussion has been taken as an indication of interest.
OP responded:
Doesn’t that make me the AH? Because I have been avoiding my rm because of it. It made me really uncomfortable. And if you're implying that they were fine for saying it. Then that means my reaction was unreasonable.
KaliTheBlaze wrote:
Well, it means you’ve overreacted. But it’s only been a few days, so if you change your behavior now, no real harm has been done. You might’ve just had a few extra busy days or been a little socially burned out, for all your roommate knows. If you continue avoiding your roommate over a misinterpretation, then you would become TA, but right now, it’s still quite fixable.
OP responded:
Yeah. Coincidentally have something reasonable to back my antisocial behaviour for. Thank you.
deathandtaxes2023 responded:
I don't think so. Something made you uncomfortable and you took time and some space to assess it, which is completely reasonable. As long as you haven't been deliberately rude to your RM while avoiding them.
coastalkid92 wrote:
It could have been something in your tone that maybe had her thinking that you were questioning what her intentions were here. I don't think you need to be thinking about this nearly as much as you are. You laid your boundary and she re-iterated it. You're on the same page, just in different paragraphs.
OP responded:
I was writing a response about how I’m autistic and don’t understand tones. And I’ll have to think about that for a bit before giving an opinion on it. Then I think I realised what you mean. Some people may take the ‘What do you think about cheating?’ As code or something. And so my rm had to assert that it didn’t mean anything.
Formerruling1 wrote:
The amount of people pretending like there's no way this roommate was doing anything other than having a harmless conversation about your genitals (lol?) and setting a clear boundary is frightening.
Of course, it's very possible that's what is happening, and it's also possible she was playing games like you suspected. People sound like they aren't around a lot of 22yr olds and are assuming they all act like responsible adults.
Your "spidey sense" went off, and you lack social awareness to have immediately recognized why. That doesn't mean ignore the fact that the conversation made you uncomfortable. The best advice I have is don't avoid her or let it sour your roommate relationship, but also absolutely no more borderline flirty/inappropriate conversations.
Sweaty_Knee_7425 wrote:
First of all, she has a boyfriend. Her asking how endowed you are is really shitty and disrespectful to you, her BF and the relationship. Red flag on her character in my opinion. Secondly, no, I don't blame you. You weren't interested in sleeping with her.
She brought up an awkward conversation, and then made it seem like you were or could be interested. I would avoid her too. Just because I don't like people who have s$%t boundaries in their relationships. I'm not getting caught up in that mess.
OP is NTA here, this sounds like an awkward situation - even if his roomie didn't intend it to be.