Woman calls out roommate's BF for leaving toilet seat up, roomie says 'let it go.'

There's nothing quite like being forced to deal with the quirks of a roommate's partner. A roommate's partner who lives at the nexus of Not Paying Rent and Being Around All The Time can truly be the worst. You don't benefit from them contributing, but you still get the discomfort of living alongside them and needing to address household dynamics.

Unfortunately, a lot of times the roommate themselves makes things worse by not considering how their partner takes up space, and getting defensive around basic requests.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for demanding her roommate's BF put the toilet seat down.

She wrote:

AITA for insisting my roommate's BF put the toilet seat down?

I (23F) live with my 2 roommates, “Kyla” (25F) and “Brie” (26F). This issue involves Kyla and her BF “Jack” (30M). We all get along well and consider each other friends more than roommates. Jack comes to the house a couple times a week and NEVER remembers to put down the toilet seat.

I’d been silently dealing with it and putting the seat down whenever I noticed he’d left it up but it came to a head a couple days ago. I went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night while I was half asleep. I didn’t realize the seat was up and sat down. It was freezing and I almost fell into the toilet bowl. I finally decided I need to mention it to Jack to remind him to put the seat down.

When I brought it up he got awkward and apologized but said he only grew up with brothers and has a hard time remembering to put it down. I told him I get it but there’s 3 women that live here and it isn’t his own home. He needs to remember to put the seat down. He said he’d try. About 2 weeks later there was no change and he kept leaving it up.

The third time I saw the seat was left up I called out and said “Jack you left the toilet seat up again! Please remember to put it down we’ve talked about this” (Kyla’s room is right beside the bathroom so I knew they could hear me). Later Kyla came up to my room and said I need to stop embarrassing Jack and making him feel bad about leaving up the seat.

She told me he’s feeling really self-conscious about it and didn’t appreciate me bringing it up all the time (this is second time I’ve mentioned this since we moved in 5 months ago). She said I need to remember he’s not used to sharing space with women as he only grew up with brothers, and wants me to be more understanding.

I told her I’m not asking for a lot and putting the toilet seat down, especially when you’re at someone else’s home and all inhabitants are women, is standard practice and common courtesy. I said I actually find it disrespectful that he hasn’t even tried to make an effort to remember to put it down (it’s happened every time he’s been at the house since we had the initial conversation about it).

Kyla said I need to let it go and if it’s bothering me so much I can put the seat down myself but I really don’t think I should have to touch a dirty toilet seat every time someone who doesn’t even live here forgets to put it down. Kyla said she doesn’t want me bringing it up with Jack again but I said that’s too bad and I’m going to be mentioning it every time he does it until he starts remembering to put it down.

Kyla told me I was being a petty b*tch, and left my bedroom. She later sent me a text saying she hopes I’m happy because Jack doesn’t feel comfortable coming to the house anymore claiming I’m making him self-continuous and uncomfortable. So AITA for insisting he put the toilet seat down? I’m only wondering because now he’s refusing to come to the house and I’m starting to feel bad.

As with all posts roommate related, this inspired a bevy of responses.

1568314 wrote:

NTA He's embarrassed because he's a grown-a*s man and knows that he deserves to feel ashamed about being so inconsiderate. How exactly is he supposed to learn 'how to exist in the same space as women' if no one is going to hold him accountable? He apparently isn't capable or willing to do so himself, something he should feel embarrassed about because it's f**king lazy and gross.

'Kyla said she doesn’t want me bringing it up with Jack again.'

That's fine. You can call her to the bathroom to be his toilet maid then.

CommunicationUsed420 wrote:

The 30-year-old man can't remember to put the toilet seat now and is now too self-conscious to come back to the apartment. All I can see is good news here. NTA OP.

NotCreativeAtAll16 wrote:

NTA to set and expect guests to follow rules. In a household comprised of 3 women, it seems reasonable for one of those rules to be 'put the toilet seat down'. (In every house I've lived in, this is like my first commandment.)

If said guests are not able to follow the rule, it seems reasonable to remind them politely of the rule. If guests are still not able to follow the rules, then guests need to be asked to not be guests anymore.

Fun_Milk_4560 wrote:

NTA. You wouldn't leave a fridge door open or cabinet and expect the next person to be responsible for closing it, it's common sense that if you alter the resting state of something in a community areas you put it back the way it goes when you're done.

OP is definitely NTA, it sounds like Jack just needs to grow up and get over himself.