Wife caught 'sneaking' out for late-night pizza; husband suspects cheating. UPDATED
A different kind of 'cheat' day.
One wife was at a loss for words when her husband found dozens of reciepts from her dining out late at night. Obviously, he suspected the worst. But she insisted she could explain.
TIFU-by going out at a nearby restaurant by myself at midnight
I (36F) have a secret. I am a mother of two kids who are 5F and 8F. I barely get time for myself during the day. I work in a field where I always have to deal with kids. It can get really exhausting. My husband, Dave (35M) is an early bird.
He always goes to sleep at sharp 10pm. So does my kids. I am more of a night owl. I don't usually go to sleep till 2am. I either watch a show or read a book. That is the only relaxing time I get for myself.
About 6 months ago, I discovered a pizzeria in my town. They opened recently. The pizza was one of the best I have ever had. I have been going there after my husband and kids go to bed. It is a 5 minute walking distance.
The pizzeria is open till 3am. I have eaten there a lot but I can say during the night they make the best pizza. I always go there and order one medium pizza. They also have a dessert section where they serve cakes, ice-cream, gelatos and cheesecake.
This is the time when I feel blissful when I am eating alone and no one is around. It is my own sanctuary. I would always come home as soon as I was done eating. I don't do this more often. Just once or twice a month.
The times I would plan to go there I wouldn't eat much for dinner. My husband doesn't know. Maybe because they are heavy sleepers and don't notice that I am gone.
I know a lot of you are questioning why I don't just order it. I know I can but those 10 minute walks are very good. Plus if I ordered at home I had to hide the boxes of foods.
It would have been difficult to explain. There are hardly any people on the streets. Our neighborhood is pretty safe. I know how to defend myself so the dangers are low.
I always make sure my kids and Mr. Husband are deep asleep when I go out. I always check the windows and the doors before going out.
I always lock the doors too. So far it has just been good. I needed this time alone for myself. It's not like I always eat there. I usually eat healthy but sometimes I don't mind going full Nikocado Avocado.
I exercise a lot and keep my health in check. So today when I woke up I saw my husband in the kitchen with the bill. I forgot to throw the bill. My husband was upset. I can tell in his mind he might be thinking something else. I told him I can explain.
He said, 'Why do I have this restaurant bill from yesterday at 1am. Was I meeting someone that I shouldn't? I told him the truth. I did nothing wrong but I know hiding it from him was not a good idea at all.
I confessed everything that I have been doing for the last 6 months. He looked at me suspiciously. I don't think he bought my explanation. He said nothing and went to work. I have been calling him but he keeps ignoring me. The last message I got was that he also found other receipts and is in a dilemma if all of this is true.
He was upset that I hid something like this from him. I understand. I would never do anything to hurt him. I would never cheat on him. I love him a lot. It was just an innocent little secret of mine. I really messed up. I don't think he believes me.
I should have just told him I was going out to eat so that he doesn't have to be so suspicious. I know that my husband wouldn’t have said anything to me if I just told him earlier. I don’t know why I decided to keep it a secret.
Maybe it was because I had the thrill of “sneaking out”. But anyway, I have to think of a plan to make my husband not be upset with me.
TL;DR: I have been eating out alone at midnight all by myself. My husband found the receipts and suspects that I was cheating on him. I am so f*cked.
Here was the initial response from readers:
You could tell him to go ask the restaurant staff if you were alone, maybe that will allieviate his fears? The staff should remember their regulars, right?
I get why you did it, sometimes I want to get some alone time, but I also get why hes upset. Like someone else said, his brain is going through the worst case scenarios. He may also feel left out.
Maybe talk to him about arranging some time for you both together and get a babysitter in or a family member to watch the kids and include him in an excursion. Or if you desperately do need the alone time, talk to him about it.
Your mind would go to worst case scenario because this is an odd thing to keep secret and the lengths that were taken to keep it a secret. The risk/reward factor is heavily skewed as well.
Even in a safe neighborhood I would hope my wife would let me know if she is taking a walk at 2am so I won't freak out if I get up or worry too much. Why go through such great lengths to hide the box and receipts? It definitely screams 'something to hide* and midnight pizza for pizzas sake is a hard sell.
Well, as a husband with young kids... I wouldn't buy your explanation either. Like it's believable when you write out here. But I would not believe it if it happened with my wife and she'd tell me this story. You kinda really set yourself up for a disaster here.
Flip the script, how would you feel if this was his secret? Would you believe him? I can understand wanting space and freedom but you got married and had kids, that ship sailed. What you were doing intrinsically is not wrong however not telling your SO about it is extremely suspicious.
He’s probably just mildly butt-hurt bc remember that even if you didn’t do anything, his body and brain chemistry still went through the “what if” that all of our lizard brains go through. Give him a little time but by all means just be upfront.
Hiding 6 months worth of restaurant bills and only in the dead of night after everyone else fast asleep? Yeahhhh I'm gonna have to vote this isn't 'mildy butt-hurt' territory. This is 'I'll go stay with Billy for the time being I need to think about everything' territory. Your wife hiding a secret night life from you for 6 months is anything but 'mild' dude.
The OP returned with an update three days later for interested readers:
TIFU-by going out at a nearby restaurant by myself at midnight-UPDATE
A lot of you guys have been asking me for an update. So, I am making one and then I'll be done with it.
First of all, those who asked how can one person eat a medium pizza. Well, I have a really big appetite. (don't judge). Also whenever I decide to go to that pizzeria I only eat a small bowl of salad that night and nothing else.
Plus they have thick crust on pizza and I don't like to eat the crust. I like the pizza because the sauce is impeccable. Also, to those who asked why I hid from him. I just didn't want him to make a fuss about me going out at night.
I don't think this is controlling like many of suggested. He just cares about me a lot and worries. Plus, I didn't want to wake him up in the middle of the night just to tell him where I am going out to eat pizza or have him being worried too much about it.
So, onto the update, I decided to tell my husband, Dave everything. I even decided that when he comes home, I will take him to that pizza place and talk to the owner, Saul (fake name).
Usually my husband comes home by 6pm but that day he texted me and said he will be late and not eat dinner without him. I was confused and scared. He came home at 9pm. He wasn't empty handed he had 3 boxes of pizza for us. One of which was meat lovers pizza which I like. It was from Saul's place.
He sat me down and told me when he found the receipt his mind went on a rampage of imagining worst possible scenarios. He went to the pizza place to see if it is true or not. He went there by himself and some of the staff recognized him.
I know some of the staff there and they know my husband too because I do talk about my family to them sometimes when they are making my pizza. He also met the owner. Saul confirmed that I would sometimes come to his shop to eat alone.
Dave and Saul chatted for a while and he also gave a discount on the pizza and gave us free cheesecake and gelatos. Now, he was a little serious. He said he doesn't mind if I go out and eat some pizza in the middle of the night. He understands that sometimes we just need some space. He is upset that I hid this from him which is understandable.
He made some valid points too. What if sometime happened to me and he gets call from the police. It would create a huge drama. What if in the middle of the night he or the girls wakes up and doesn't find me. It will obviously scare him.
What if the girls needed me and there was an emergency. I now understand it better that I should have just informed him about these nightly outings of mine.
I apologized for not telling him and putting him in a position that sounds affair-y. I also explained that I didn't want him to worry about me.
And also, I did think about telling him about it before but I just didn't know how to approach it. I mean doesn't sound weird when I say 'hey babe, when everyone goes to sleep I sneak out and eat pizza alone.' Dave and I both laughed.
He also apologized for doubting me in the first place. He said I do not have to worry so much about it. And if I ever have these midnight cravings, I can just leave a note at his nightstand. That way if he ever wakes up he knows where I am and where to find me in case of any emergency. And also told me I can order in if I want to.
Well, then we had our pizza dinner with our girls who were really happy to eat pizza. Dave bought a large one for me. A medium is good but it is hard for me to consume a large one.
Dave said he might check this pizza place alone sometimes because it is literally the second time he is eating there.
After we were done, I put my girls into bed and we adults enjoyed some of the gelatos with each other and then enjoyed each other. 😉
So that's just it. No drama, no fighting. I decided that I would order in sometimes. Though I like walking there, I also love being lazy sometimes. Also to those people who are saying that I am cheating on my husband and me going out to eat without telling him is similar to cheating, you guys really need to chill.
Yeah, I am having an affair with meat lovers pizza, Ya happy? I agree there was miscommunication from my part but you guys are really stretching this thing for absolutely no reason at all.
I am also baffled by some people thinking that just because I hid this from my husband I can hide an affair too. That is some serious accusation. Also to those who said my husband is controlling or abusive, hold your woke horses.
My husband is loving and caring. He doesn't control me or stops me from doing something I want unless it is bad or harmful. This was a mistake from my part and his reaction was normal for anyone in the situation.
Don't judge a relationship that you are not part of it. We sorted this out like an adult. I hope in future it will be one of those memories we will laugh about.
TL;DR: Talked to my husband and sorted everything out. I am still going for the pizza.
Here is what folks had to say after the full story had baked:
I'm glad it worked out but damnit, now i want pizza! I have to admit I've gone for a late drive once or twice to get a sundae or just browse kmart but i do always warn my partner.
NGL there are times I want to do something similar. Not eat a meat lovers pizza but just go have a little secret treat of my own.
Has nothing to do with being happy or unhappy with my partner. But more like wanting to have a moment to myself where I eat something tasty and I don’t have to do dishes, clean up after myself, and there’s no dog or human wanting me to share.
Is this just a sponsored ad by the pizza place? Agh now I’m hungry and it’s almost midnight.
As a mom, I knew what she was doing and I was jealous. I love my family but I also love alone. Me. Just the one of us. Off in whatever land my brain wants to be in... Add in pizza and yeah. But my husband is more shocked when I'm asleep at night then the other way around. And he would be pissed I didn't bring him pizza. Lol
These are the absolute best moments. I love my family, truly, they're my world. My SO, our daughter, there's nothing that means more to me. But that also tends to come with a lot of sacrifice and ensuring they have what they need and want, I care more about than getting taking care of myself more often than not.
So once in a while, completely and utterly indulging in something just for me, something I enjoy, doing it low-key so I don't have to share ir explain or feel had for induling in something only I'm enjoying...fucking hell it's the best thing in the world, lol.
Much like OP, that typically means some kind of over the top food indulgence XD