'AITA for kicking my sister out even though she was trying to help my wife?'
"AITA for kicking my sister out even though she was trying to help my wife?"
My wife and I just welcomed our first and last baby in to this world 2 weeks ago. It was a complicated delivery and she ended up needing a hysterectomy. Our daughter is perfect however and we are very overjoyed that she is still with us. She's doing great.
My wife, not so much. She has postpartum depression and she cries a lot. There's been a complete lack of sleep. She's up basically all night panicking and making sure our daughter is breathing and she won't let anyone take her out of her sight.
My sister (46f), who lives with us and could never have kids of her own, has been basically hounding us to 'just let her help' by taking the baby for a few hours so we can sleep. As I said, my wife will not let the baby out of her sight. She immediately panics.
Even if she showers she has to have the baby in there (I hold her in the bathroom while my wife showers). I am more than willing to make all accomodations I need to in order for my wife to heal mentally.
She's being seen by her doctor. We meet with the therapist her doctor recommended twice a week. They don't have her on meds or anything (not sure if that's even an option?) because she's nursing and she is worried about it.
But her therapist has given me kind of a guide line to follow, I guess you could say. What to look out for. What to do/what not to do. I'm very involved with the process but it's a learning curve for all of us. We also have a visiting nurse who comes by to check on the baby AND my wife.
My sister on the other hand keeps pushing it and saying that I am enabling my wife's behavior and "making her worse" by not basically forcing her to get a break and get some sleep.
Well, I went to the store yesterday and when I got back, my wife was in a complete meltdown. Apparently she had fallen asleep and when she woke up, the baby wasn't there.
My wife found my sister holding her in her bedroom with the door closed and I guess the baby was in different clothing, with a fresh diaper and this set my wife completely off (she doesn't want anyone but us changing her- childhood trauma PTSD).
The babies diaper did NOT need to be changed. I had just changed her right before I left and round trip to the store is only 15 minutes. My sister confirmed that the diaper 'didn't look soiled'. I immediately told my sister to get the f*&^ out of our house.
She tried explaining that she was "just trying to help" but I told her I didn't give a f*&^ anymore. Leave. She has no where to go and that was argued but I told her I didn't care. Go on the streets for all I care.
My mom (in a nursing home) is saying I'm pushing this too far because she was just thinking she was being helpful. My sister is gone and I don't regret it. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA but you will be to both your wife and daughter if you dont get your wife some help NOW! Your sister is right in regards to this not being healthy. Sleep deprivation will only worsen her ppd. go to your doctor and get her help.
edit: I saw you are getting help for her and i totally understand not wanting to medicate while breastfeeding but there are some ppd medications that can be taken while breastfeeding. it might be worth a ask at the next appointment.
NTA. If your sister wanted to be helpful, she could have offered to handle the shopping or cleaning the house or the laundry. Basically any activity not directly related to caring for the baby, that still lifts some weight off your shoulders.
K I'm going to reserve judgement to say this: Your wife is far past post partum depression. This sounds like it's bordering on psychosis. People who have reacted like your wife has, have also killed their children to 'protect them.' So many parts of your story are throwing red flags. SO MANY FLAGS.
There are several medications nursing women can take to help this that are perfectly safe while breastfeeding. I urge you to discuss with her doctor whether your wife should even be left alone with the child until this is resolved, because I (a perfect stranger) have concerns.
NTA. Your sister wants to live vicariously through your wife. Your wife's fears are valid. Thanks you for being a supportive husband.
NTA the amount of hormonal flux your wife is going through is devastating. Post pregnancy with a hysterectomy, you poor things. It is likely that the doctors are holding off meds not only bc she’s breast feeding but also because her body needs time to adjust. The right type and amount of meds might be a moving target right now.
Right now routines will be very very very important, fear can be mitigated by having as much predictability as possible. Your sister’s response caused anxiety, good for you for kicking her out. Figure out healthy meals and snacks for one day.
Then that’s what she eats for the whole week. Same breakfast, same lunch, same dinner, same snack, same amount of water to drink at the same time. Go outside for 5 minutes 2-3 times a day at the same time, etc. Her whole day should be as scheduled as possible. Yes your daughter will not cooperate or be on a schedule but your wife needs her days to be predictable as possible.
You and your wife have had a traumatic experience. It seems calling it PTSD gets more sympathy than PPD so maybe start calling it that?