'AITA for not letting my husband in the delivery room after his mom insulted my baby name?' UPDATED

"AITA For Deciding Not To Let My Husband Into The Delivery Room?"

Here's the original post:

I (29F) and my husband (30M) have been together for 8 years. I am now 8 months pregnant, almost 9 with a girl. In my husband's family, there is a tradition of naming a baby before it is born.

The name is embroidered onto a blanket that has been passed down from generation to generation, and the baby is wrapped in the blanket when it is born. I'm trying to come up with a name we both like, but some of the names he suggests do not resonate with me.

My husband has been getting annoyed with me lately and telling me to just pick a name for the baby. As his grandmother's name was Beatrice, he wants to name her that, but I just don't like it. I wanted to have a list of names so that when I see her I can name her after what I think is appropriate.

Although it can sound odd, I wanted to see her before naming her but have decided not to so that he can please his family.

In honour of my late sister, I want to name her Jessica. That was her name before she passed away from a heart attack. It means a lot to me, but I hadn't told him that particular name because I didn't want to hear any insults about it. Every time I suggest a name he'll attack it, calling it ugly in a variety of ways.

Today his mother was pressuring me to suggest a name, and I just blurted out the name Jessica. After a pause and a laugh, she said it was a name for a large girl, and it was a very unsuitable name. She went on to ask me if I wanted the baby to be ugly and if I was trying to ruin its life before it was even born.

Initially, I was overwhelmed with anger and asked her to stop talking, more harshly than I should of, as she didn't have the right to imply others are ugly when she herself is no Beyonce.

Annoyed, she told me to leave her house. Not wanting to cause a further argument I left, and when I returned home my husband explained to me that he was extremely disappointed in my actions and that he couldn’t look at me. As he is close with his sister, he struggled with his frustrations with her, which she then did to her mother.

The next day she was at my doorstep and told me that she decided on a name. and then said my decor was tacky, She said she was naming the baby Connie, after her mother. It was a name neither I nor my husband picked, and wouldn’t cause an argument between us. I told her no and asked her to leave and eventually, she did, but not after some insults were issued to me.

I asked my hubby about it, and he said I have no right to speak about any of this, as I also have not been open to the names that he suggests. He then said that I was incredibly selfish, and said I should go. I packed my things, then went to my older sister's house. She was fuming at my husband, and how they insulted our younger sister's name.

He's been trying to contact me for a few days now, apologising, but I don't want to speak to him. I’ve also decided that I’m not telling his family when I go into labour, and if I must I am not allowing them anywhere near me while I’m birthing the child. AITA?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say about the situation:

CaligoAccedito said:

NTA. This family sounds terrible. I don't understand how you've lasted 8 years interacting with them. "I can't look at you"?! Yeah, I'd be feelin' like "Good, you no longer HAVE to." It sounds like there is not going to be any common ground on the naming thing.

Not that it's my place AT ALL, but one possible olive branch might be naming her Jessica Beatrix (which is just cooler than Beatrice, imo--with apologies to folks whose parents didn't opt for the name ending in x). Then if if fam wants to call her by her middle name, they can, and you can honor your sis in a beautiful way.

PeachMangoPiRSquared said:

"I asked my hubby about it, and he said I have no right to speak about any of this." About the baby that is very well growing in your womb… NTA Your husband and his family are incredibly toxic and entitled.

The fact that you didn’t share your idea of Jessica with him cause you knew he would insult it says a lot. And no, Jessica is not an ugly or a “large” name. Is there such a thing? I hope you have a smooth and stress-free delivery, and will happily welcome Baby Jessica (or whatever you want) to the world :)

Rainbow62993 said:

NTA - I hope you divorce him so you can ultimately divorce his entire family. How insane of his mother to believe she can choose the name of YOUR child. How insane of her to insult you. Your husband kicked you, his pregnant wife, out of the house? Especially over a name choice?!

If you choose to stay in this marriage, my heart aches for you and the life you'll live going forward with this man and his family.

Waste-Phase-2857 said:

NTA, but seriously, how long of a tradition can it be of naming a baby before it's born? Sonograms that determine the baby's sex haven't really been around for multiple generations so this "tradition" of naming the baby before it's born seems a bit made up. Also sometimes they are in fact wrong so embroiding a name into a blanket before the baby is even born?

Usually I'm all for the father being allowed in the delivery room but he kicked his very pregnant partner out of their house over a disagreement about the baby's name? So yes, don't tell them when you go into labour and don't let any of that stress into your delivery room. Jessica is a lovely name, I have known Jessicas of all sizes, that comment was really mean and insulting of a name you obviously want for your baby!

DrunkThrowawayLife said:

I’m just trying to wrap my head around how Jessica is a name for a larger girl. Do nurses weigh the baby and come back in the room. ‘Sorry, this baby isn’t large enough, she doesn’t meet the requirements to be a Jessica. You need to choose another name’

A week after giving birth, she shared this sad yet hopeful update:

First off, hello, and thank you all for the support! I've been getting quite a few DMs checking up on me and my daughter, asking for an update, and just genuine kindness.

I gave birth to my child 6 days ago, and she could not be more healthy. She was born 2.8kg, and I named her Jessica Beatrix. She's quite a vocal baby, I haven't had much time to sleep as most don't with new borns, so I'm going to make this quick, though I will be answering any questions you guys have.

My husband and I are unfortunately yet fortunately going to get a divorce, and he was not in the delivery room during my birth. I made sure to inform the staff about my situation, and they handled it amazingly.

He didn't show up luckily, as he was not aware I was in labour, but I have told him now, and he's met her. He's still very annoyed at me, and his in laws are livid, but I'm going to ignore it as much as possible and focus on Jess.