'AITA for not taking my brother's side after our parents reduced his inheritance?' UPDATED
"AITA for not taking my brother's side after our parents reduced his inheritance?"
Evil_Librarian999
First: English is not my first language, I live in Europe. Please ask for clarification if something's unclear, this is not my standard vocabulary.
My parents decided to cut my brother's portion of inheritance down to the compulsory portion. He'll only get what he's legally entitled to, nothing more. Also he won't get a say in the whole process (whereas my step sister and I get to distribute heirlooms and money that is specified in the testament towards the grandchildren, if certain conditions are met).
The reason for this is that my brother is a very unreflected, selfish and weak person who is also a very bad father to his 2 daughters. He divorced their mom (who we refer to as 'the dragon' within the family and that not without reason) and basically abandoned his daughters.
The girls have to be with their mom and that in itself is horrible (unfortunately the youth welfare office can't help since a certain amount of cruelty towards your children seems to be legal).
My parents are locking my brother out of the inheritance to protect their assets - they want THE GIRLS to have their share but they fear (rightfully so) that the dragon will take it from them.
As far as I know there is nothing comparable to a trust fund where I live, so as long as the girls are dependent on their mother, she will get the chance to steal the money.
My parents want my step sister and I to give the money to the girls when they have gained independence from the dragon. They are supposed to use the money for whatever THEY want. No other conditions need to be met.
Now my brother caught wind of this and contacted me for the first time in 3 years. He wants me to influence my parents to change their will back to how it was. I said no and now he and his ex are blowing up my phone and threatening that me or my parents will never ever see the girls again and what not.
The girls need their grandparents. They are the only adults who support them and love them unconditionally. I do not get to see the girls that often, because the dragon hates me, too (for other reasons).
I used to fight this but when my niece's have a nice time with me and my family the dragon will punish them. I can't let that happen so I pulled back. AITA if I don't let myself be blackmailed?
Here were the top rated comments after this initial post:
Honestly ... I'd just lie and say that they have changed the will back. That way the kids have contact with their Grandparents and you deal with the issue when they die.
Maybe lie, but act like bro successfully backed them into a corner so the parents came up with a compromise. They agreed to switch the will back but only conditionally, dependent on a certain level of access.
If that access is withdrawn or curtailed, the inheritance automatically goes back to you. This keeps the blackmail pressure in the other direction. Of course nobody should be allowed to see this will, since it doesn’t exist.
NTA. If You have those threats in writing or on voice mail, contact police and child protective services. It is indeed blackmail attempt. If nothing else, they can be forced to stop harassing you.
NTA. It's your parents' will, it's up to them what they want to do with it.
That being said, I would consult with a lawyer/notary/etc. to see if there is really no such thing as a trust fund, and what type of legal protections could be put on the grand daughters inheritance. Looks like your brother and the dragon could start legal procedures in the future to still take over the inheritance...
13 days later, the OP returned with an update for readers:
Hey everyone! I wanted to give you an update on the situation with my brother. I had spoken to my parents on the phone before and shared some advice I got here.
Yesterday we visited them to talk further. I actually didn't want to tell about the threats and messages I received, but my husband said my parents had the right to know. So he told them. And my mother got so furious, I was even a little scared of her.
My parents called my brother and demanded to speak to him. He usually brushes off any conversation unless he wants something.
But not yesterday - my parents gave him (a German proverb) an enema, I've never seen anything like that. They told him and held things up to him that had happened in the last 13 years, some of which I didn't even know.
First of all, how his ex keeps lying and slandering to get her will and how my brother - often a victim of these slanders himself - is just completely useless. Yes, my mother called my brother useless.
My brother didn't even get a word in, but he was visibly shocked to realize that he, too, had been lied to and manipulated by his ex (honestly, how stupid can you be?!).
In the end, my parents told him he had the choice: grow a pair (I NEVER expected to hear that phrase from my mom. Ever!) and start being a father to his kids, or live with it that he does not get a lot of inheritance and that the money for his children is divided between the remaining grandchildren.
It wasn't his money at any point, so he shouldn't whine or pretend he'll get something if his ex gets his hands on the money.
After that, my parents called his ex. In a 3 minute conversation they told her that how my parents distribute their wealth is none of her business and that if she tries to keep the kids away from them they will sue for access (grandparents rights).
'We have enough material that can be used in court' - at that moment I really thought, my mother is now opening up to us about her past as a secret agent or something. Then they hung up. The ex sat there glumly and had nothing to say.
My parents told me that they had been documenting all conversations and lies for years because sooner or later they expected this kind of behavior. They showed me some examples and apologized for putting me in this situation.
My parents told me that they still wished for the girls to get their money and that they would figure something out. I offered to keep my promise, because I love the girls and my parents.
In the end we all cried a lot but honestly I got some new kind of respect for my mother. She's a badass and I never knew.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
Wow, OP's mom is awesome!
Hopping on the top comment to say: OP I love the 'gave him an enema' saying. In the US we say 'reamed him a new asshole.' But I think I'm stealing yours.
Your mom is a beast. I see where you get your amazing genes from. You just want to do right by your nieces and so do your parents. They have made the best choice and they and I trust that you will make sure that their assets go to the right people when the time comes.
I literally have zero advice or critiques about you or your parents because you have literally and are doing your best, despite having to deal with some truly weak, spineless and plain birth givers, who want to just profit from their minor children.
Make sure your brother and his ex wife have absolutely zero control/ power/leverage over how your parents want to distribute. I am so proud of you and your mom for fighting for the poor kids and doing right for those poor kids. You will never be the A-H for that. Nta always
OP your mom is officially a venerated badass and deserves something saying so imo 😂 I'm so glad your husband had your back and you told your parents. Sounds like this was a long time coming!
Mama bear came out to play. I'm so glad to read this update OP.