Twin disowns sister for working as a 'cam girl,' then begs to borrow money. AITA?
Just because you are twins, doesn't mean you can't have your differences.
One woman was hurt when her sister disowned her because of the tawdry nature of her employment. They completely cut off contact, until now. The OP's sister has a son who was recently diagnosed with cancer. Not knowing where to turn, she asked her twin to help them financial. This struck a painful cord with the estranged sister and she wonders if she is wrong to not help her twin after the pain she caused.
AITA for refusing to financially help my estranged twin?
I (30f) am estranged from my twin (also 30f) because she objects to my working as a 'cam girl.' Even though I have never done anything inappropriate (I'm very unassuming I look like a girl next door so people won't know unless I tell them) around her kids (12m, 9f, 5m) because of my job, she says I'd be a 'bad influence.'
Even though I would've completely kept my mouth shut about my job. It hurt that I was denied a relationship with my siblings but there was nothing I could do.
Anyway she's a single mom, the youngest has cancer (his father is not in the picture although he pays child support it's very little because he doesn't make much), and the bills have gone through the roof now her landlord is threatening to begin the eviction process as she's very behind on her rent and other bills.
She contacted me after not speaking to me for years and begged me to borrow money, I said 'you do realize this money would come from my 'camming' job right? The one you estranged with me over and wouldn't let me have a relationship with your kids?'
She said 'I know and I don't need this right now, I'm desperate and need help, he's your nephew!'
Our parents are living on social security and cannot afford to financially help, but they do babysit the two older ones frequently. My husband and I do well financially so we could afford it.
I told her, 'You disowned me as your sister, and since you're not my sister he can't be my nephew. Disowning your family is a permanent decision, and I wouldn't want you having money from a sinful source as you put it.' AITA?
INFO/UPDATE: We are fraternal twins not identical, while we bear some resemblance (much like how someone resembles an aunt/uncle, cousin, parents, or sibling who's not a twin) to each other we are very easily able to be told apart from one another.
People were very quick to provide hundreds of comments on this one but here are the top responses:
NTA. She's only come to you because she's desperate, I doubt she'd maintain the relationship once she's got your money.
I feel sorry for your nephew but as you say, he's basically a stranger as his mother hasn't let you form a relationship because you're a sinful person.
Perhaps the local church can help her with money? She's obviously big on sin and morality.
Yarp. And once she's done with OP's money, she will likely ghost. There is no borrow. It will not be paid back. Something about 'family' and her god looking down on money lending, so it was a gift, not a loan. OP is NTA.
There is no relationship here, no trust, no confidence. If OP got a lawyer to draw up a legal and enforceable loan contract, I bet sis wouldn't sign it. OP could try that if unsure about her AH status, to see if sis is 'borrowing' in good faith. But, honestly, the advice sending her to her church is the best.
Assuming that OP is in the US... There's totally a hospital that covers cancer treatment for kids, and putting the parents up while they're being treated, and I think a variety of other things while the kids are undergoing treatment.
I totally say NTA, but I also say that being like 'I don't want to give you too much money, but here's (x solution) that might work.' And then like, maybe cover a month of rent paid directly to the landlord if it's doable. 🤷♀️
I get that she disowned you but I would put it aside for an unhealthy child. I guess NAH here is the best response.
I totally understand your anger and frustration with your sister. That being said, I feel like you may actually be hurting yourself more than your sister with your decision.
As a compassionate human I can only imagine how devastated you might be in the future if it turns out your nephew with cancer ends up getting more sick because of your choice. As righteous as your anger feels now I worry that you may be setting yourself up for guilt and regret later in life.
If you have the money (which it sounds like you do) I would strongly recommend that you think about choosing a path forward based on compassion and not anger … but make that choice for you and not for her.