Woman's 13yo sister tries to kiss her husband right after she gives birth. FINAL UPDATE
"AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth?"
ThrowawayPinkBoots
Ok so the key players in this story are Me F27, my husband Kerim 40, my little sister Tasha 13 & my mom 58. For context my mom and dad had Tasha as a last resort to fix their failing marriage. I’m nearly 9 months pregnant, like legit 3 weeks out and my husband is a second generation immigrant.
We werent trying but were excited when we found out about the baby, we waiting until we were out of the first trimester and told everyone after that.
Kerim’s family are super excited and can’t wait to bring the baby to their home country. My mom was happy when we told her but made some grumbling remarks about being to young to be a grandma. I presumed she was joking. My dad we told separately, he gets on great with my husband and he said he would help Kerim and I with anything baby related.
At first Tasha was excited talking about how shes the youngest auntie and it was cute. She is spoiled, I don’t want to call her a brat, but she can get an attitude when things don’t happen how she wants. But then once we told everyone we were having a girl she went quiet.
We didn’t do a big announcement just told people when we saw them, we both have busy jobs and I kept working until recently. Luckily I can work remotely if needed.
My dad was excited to be a girl grandad, in some ways I’ve been closer with him after the divorce. My mom put all her effort into Tasha and making sure she was ok as she was the youngest, she s a bit of a golden child for my mom.
Kerim’s family got him a T-shirt that has a joke about being a girl dad on it, I’ve always said he gives off girl dad energy so it’s funny. When I got big, around the 5 month mark I was really ill.
I had hyperemesis gravidarum and was admitted to hospital, I have a heart condition so there was always a worry about side effects during the pregnancy.
Tasha refused to visit me in hospital meaning my mom didn’t come either but I understood why a 13 y.o. might not want to come to a hospital. However she has become so standoffish and rude to myself and my husband. Scoffing when we talk about our baby girl, joking how emotional I was, saying it seems like more trouble than it’s worth with my heart.
She said we stole her favourite name when we announced it as Adley. She’s never said that name before. She also joked about how fat I had gotten.
Kerim had enough and told her to grow up but my mom defended Tasha saying she’s probably just a bit jealous about no longer being the youngest in the family anymore. I tried to talk and ask her what’s wrong but she got an attitude again and told me I made everything about my baby and myself.
We were discussing my birthing plan on a family FaceTime and how I have to have a planned c-section to reduce the stress on my heart. I’m a bit nervous but I’ve had surgery before. I was trying to get my dad to calm Kerim down and asked if he’d be in the waiting room.
He was really happy and asked if he could bring his ‘good friend’. We all know she’s his girlfriend but they won’t admit it! He thinks he’s too old for that. She’s been sweet and knitted some baby blankets so we agreed to her visiting after the birth.
I got a call from my mom and Tasha who were really angry I hadn’t invited them to the birth or told them I had to have planned c-section. I told them Tasha had complained about me only speaking about the baby and my mom told me to not be so flippant.
Tasha was rolling her eyes when mom asked about the surgery, and I know she’s 13 but something about it seems so calculated from her. My mom asked to be there and I said she could be in the waiting room if she would be nice to dad. Tasha started talking about how long it would take, but I informed her she was only invited to visit after Adley had been born.
Now her and mom are blowing me up, saying I’m cruel for letting a random friend of dad's visit but not letting my little sister be there for her niece's birth. I’m sad as I hoped the pregnancy would bring my mom and I closer but alas.
Edit: I just remembered something else that happened. Tasha walked into our garden one afternoon without any notice to tell us, and saw us making out on the swing chair. Nothing scandalous but my hormones have been all over the place ;).
She made a comment like ‘no wonder your pregnant if that’s all that you do’. She’s also been perfectly nice to Kerim throughout the pregnancy…it’s just me she has the attitude with.
EDIT 2: as some people can’t seem to understand I’ll reiterate, I’ve tried connecting to Tasha, I’ve tried communicating and comforting her, I’ve tried getting her excited about being an auntie.
She’s made cruel comments about my weight (I used to have an eating disorder), how I’m an attention seeker to get pregnant, she’s literally slammed a door on me causing me to hurt myself. She’s been all over my husband but ignoring me to my face and she’s made a comment about me not keeping my legs shut.
This isn’t about her being confused, she knows what child birth and pregnancy is. She also banned our mom from visiting me when I was rushed to hospital and had complained about me talking about the baby so I didn’t include her in the conversation about the birth.
She’s not angry because I’m trying to keep her away from the baby, she’s angry because I’m pregnant and she will no longer be the youngest girl. I’d like to add that the family dynamic was pretty good until I got pregnant. She was mom’s favourite but dad doesn’t do favourites.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
General-Mechanic2647
You are definitely not in the wrong. Tasha is entitled beyond belief and it’s obvious she got it from your mom unfortunately. You’re going to be in a C section you deserve to have people who love and support you there.
Tasha doesn’t support you and she’s been beyond rude with all the comments she makes. Never leave her alone with your child. Tasha has no right to try to be in the room with you.
Cryptographer_Alone
Even if Tasha wasn't being a brat, you would never be wrong for not allowing a 13 year old at your delivery. No thirteen year old is really ready to be your emotional support, and only the people who can do that for the mother belong at the delivery, even just the waiting room.
Further, a thirteen year old is likely to need emotional support themselves, especially as this is a complicated pregnancy with a complicated delivery. Yes, the C-section may be the safest way to go, but it's not without its risks. A child shouldn't be present at all, period.
Congratulations on your little one, and I wish you a simple and straightforward delivery and recovery! Surround yourself with love, and don't take any shit from anyone who can't do that over the coming weeks.
SnooWords4839
Block mom and sister for a bit.
mak_zaddy
Seconding this. I wouldn’t trust Tasha with a newborn either.
2 days later, the OP returned with an update:
ThrowawayPinkBoots
I want to address the comments saying I’m a bad sister, or I hate Tasha, or that I need to reassure and comfort her and show her sympathy. We had a normal sister relationship until I announced my baby was a girl, then she got an attitude change, but only with me.
I’ve been trying to reach out and ask her reasons for being so horrible to me, calling me names and saying things about my baby but she ignores me and won’t talk to me. So I don’t know what else I’m expected to do.
I appreciate being a 13 y.o girl is hard, I was one once, but I didn’t act like this. It’s not my place to have to parent Tasha when she has two parents, a mom that spoils her and when I’m about to have my own baby.
My pregnancy has been hard and risky and there is still a chance my daughter could be born with my heart defect. This and all of the stress caused by my mom and Tasha has meant I’ve not been able to enjoy my pregnancy.
I had hoped it would make our mom want to be involved with me more but unfortunately Tasha has done everything she can to ensure my mom has not been involved or helpful. Whilst my husband is patient and polite he doesn’t like the way they are treating me and he certainly doesn’t like the pressure it has put on me.
Tasha and mom turned up unannounced to our house today wanting another explanation as to why they couldn’t be at the hospital. I again said as long as mom was civil to dad she could be in the waiting room but Tasha would have to visit after I’ve rested and made sure baby girl is ok.
I said she had moaned throughout all of my pregnancy and that it’s all I ever talk about so surely she had to know the reasons I didn't want her to be there. She got angry and threw a mug at the wall saying she wanted to be there as that’s where everyone else would be and she shouldn’t have to be on her own and bored.
I told her it was not a fun day out, I would be having major surgery and people want to meet my daughter. She screamed saying I’m an attention wh0re for not giving birth the normal way and demanded our mom that they go home.
So they left as quickly as they had arrived. I don’t know what my mom plans on doing but yeah 🤷🏼♀️
EDIT: well those of you who said to not tell anyone when I gave birth were right in a way. Woke up to cramps and blood tinged water in our bed, so Kerim rushed me to the hospital where my OB said I was in early labour caused by all of the stress most likely.
There was too much pressure on my heart and it was causing the baby to be in distress so they put me under and gave me an emergency c-section. I woke up this morning to my husband holding our beautiful daughter in his arms.
She is perfect, with a healthy heart and a good pair of lungs. She’s so beautiful and I didn’t know I could love someone so much. She’s such a good girl and we’ve spent the morning together as a family.
We will be inviting my dad to the hospital tomorrow. Thank you for the help and wishes and sorry I could respond to many but it’s been very chaotic.
Here were the top rated comments after this first update:
TarzanKitty
I wouldn’t allow either one of them to come to the hospital at all.
DogsNCoffeeAddict
Call the hospital and lock down your hospital room, do not allow either mom or sister there. You really think mom will leave her baby girl all sad bored and alone /s? Nah. She will bring sister and sister will demand all attention and possibly hurt or insult the baby and OP.
MNConcerto
Not wrong , but your sister isn't safe to be around your child. 13 years old and jealous of a baby? Throwing a mug against a wall because you don't want her at the hospital?
These are not normal teenage behaviors, no matter what the internet trolls are saying. Sadness, yes. A bit moody, yes. Maybe crying or a yelling but temper tantrums. No. At 13 she should have more control.
5 days after their original post, the OP again returned:
ThrowawayPinkBoots
Hi guys I’m just really f*&^%ng confused right now but thank you all for following my story and giving me advice. Rest assured we won’t be leaving Adley alone with Tasha. If you want context my first two posts are on my profile.
Basically after giving birth yesterday I have to stay in for a week as it was an emergency surgery. As we had rushed to the hospital we didn’t have all the things I will need so Kerim went home to pack a bag of my things for me.
He stopped off at my dad's and apparently Tasha was with him. Kerim was polite and dad was asking lots of questions about Adley and I. He left the room to get the presents he and his girlfriend had gotten for us and Kerim was left with Tasha.
Apparently she was all over him but not asking any questions about myself or Adley. Kerim said she threw herself at him and tried to kiss him but he swerved and got up abruptly telling my dad that they needed to do something with Tasha as she was out of control.
He told me what happened as soon as he got back to the hospital. He’s really worried that people (my mother) will make him out to be a bad person. I think my dad has cameras in his house so I’m going to ask him if there are any in the hallway.
EDIT: Tasha has texted me saying she was sorry for trying to kiss Kerim but I’ve stolen everyone’s attention and apparently even our mother was asking about me yesterday (she sometimes literally refers to our mother as her mother).
She then said I had to make it all about me by having Adley early and she wanted someone to pay attention to her and felt like Kerim hadn’t spent enough time with her recently.
He’s been kind to Tasha in the past, we’ve had her at our house and taken her on trips but he’s obviously been busy making sure me and the baby have been ok during the pregnancy.
EDIT 2: thanks for the support guys. I developed a blood clot last night so I was rushed into another surgery to deal with that and Kerim called my dad's GF to stay with him as he was nervous and my dad was with Tasha.
She helped keep him calm by all accounts and showed him how to bathe Adley which I’m very thankful for. She also baked me my favourite cake for when I woke up this morning. It was so f*^%$ng good 😭.
Anyway, Kerim is fuming with my mother and Tasha and how they’ve ruined this experience for us and he wants to send my mother my hospital bill as I wouldn’t have needed the emergency surgeries without the stress. We’re going to take a trip once I’m released from the hospital to the countryside and get some distance between us and them.
Here were the top rated comments from people who were following this whole saga:
Glum_Hamster_1076
I’m confused why everyone was blaming the OP for Tasha’s behavior and making her responsible for her feelings/emotions. Children may not fully understand their actions, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t planning or calculating be it negative or positive.
Children may not always know why they are jealous, that’s doesn’t mean they aren’t jealous. Children may also not understand the full extent of their actions and the consequences they may have, but it doesn’t make it less wrong.
Also, OP is not Tasha’s mother. It’s not her responsibility to navigate Tasha through this. That was the mom’s job, which she didn’t do too well with. OP needed to be focused on her health and baby at that time, not pandering to Tasha.
Also, I hate to say, that sometimes people think throwing a baby into a relationship will save it. That’s not a dig at Tasha, that’s just the situation of why a 27 year old has a 13 year old sibling. It’s unfortunate OP wasn’t able to enjoy this time, but I hope they get the much needed break with their baby.
boringhistoryfan
That kid needs a therapist, stat. I dunno if there's trauma from something awful there, or just issues that need to be worked on. But they are waaaay past the point of dealing with this on their own. There's no way this is behavior appropriate for a child.
Also for her own health OP needs her distance. Her and her husband. Ultimately they are family, but they are not her primary guardians. And she's had a complicated, life threatening pregnancy of her own. They need time to heal and adjust. Tasha needs help to figure out whatever is going on with her. And a little distance is probably best for everyone involved.
ketodancer
I mean in OP'S EDIT 2 she said 'she's been all over my husband but ignoring me to my face' and even the EDIT 1 would be weird if the eventual reveal wasN'T that the younger sister had a crush on the husband....
jacksonlove3
Congratulations on your baby girl! Hope you are both doing well! You’re not wrong in anything here. I went back and read the prior two posts. Your sister is definitely dealing with jealousy over not being the “baby” anymore and jealous of the attention on you. She clearly seems to have a thing for your husband too which is gross. Your mom needs to get her some serious therapy.
I’m sorry this will probably not bring you and your mom closer as you had hoped. Your lil sis will alway be the golden child to her and will always get her way with your mom. I think it best that you put some distance between you and the two of them for awhile and concentrate on recovering and your new baby!
Lean on your husband and your dad for support in the meantime! Hopefully dad’s cameras daughter your sister’s promiscuous behavior!!! I’m sure you’re mom will still spin it in a way that takes the blame off your sister though. Best of luck and a quick recovery!! Keep us updated!!
10 days later, the OP returned with another update.
"AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth? (Final update)"
ThrowawayPinkBoots
Hi guys. I’ve just been busy soaking up all of the baby happiness. I’m doing well thank you all for your well wishes and to the moms giving advice on how to recover from c sections. Adley is such a sweet little girl, she’s quite and so well behaved and looks the most adorable in her little Taylor Swift cardigan that my dads ‘friend’ knit her (she was played all of the albums in utero).
We’ve sent mom the hospital bill, I’m not actually sure whether I’ll go through with making her pay as we have better salaries than she does but a little part of me would love to see her face right now. She’s sent me some annoyed texts about it but I’ve told her that perhaps Tasha’s allowance and clothes/beauty spending should be reduced to help. But we will see.
It seemed like this would be the end, but six months later, the OP returned.
"AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth? (New update)"
ThrowawayPinkBoots
Hi y’all. I’m not even sure if people want an update but people do still comment on the other posts. So three months after my last update I’d recovered from surgery and Kerim, Adley and I had been able to go on a trip to the country side to destress.
When I get a random DM on insta and when I looked she was following Tasha. Let’s call her Lily. Well Lily tells me that she needed to ask me something because Tasha has been telling their friend group something worrying. I bet you don’t know what I’m going to say…
Tasha had been going around school saying that her and my husband were a couple! I couldn’t even respond I was so livid. Never mind how weird it is for her it’s so dangerous to be saying that even among her friends.
It puts my husband at such risk to be accused of awful things. So that was it I’d had enough. I floored it to my mothers house and slammed in to find Tasha. She was sat there like nothing was happening and just smirked making my blood boil.
I’ll admit I lost it a bit and screamed at her that she was unhinged and needed to be locked up. That it wasn’t normal for a 14 year old to want her sisters husband and life. Our mum came in asking what was wrong with ME!!! I grabbed both Tasha and my mother by their shirts and said she had one week to sort herself out because we were going to charge her with defamation.
I just wanted to go home and snuggle my baby but I stopped at my dad's and filled him in and told him what I’d told mum and Tasha. He was completely floored. Lily was good, she said she didn’t think what Tasha had been saying was real and thought I needed to know and she said she told the others that Tasha was lying.
I got some messages from my mum that night about me projecting my feelings about not being a good enough mother or wife onto Tasha (I don’t breastfeed and at that time was still on maternity leave because of the c-section but I intended to not be off work too long, would be sending her to daycare, made comment on my weight knowing how I was scared of struggling with my ED again postpartum).
Tasha had told her how she had no clue what I was on about. She really knew where to hit me I won’t lie. Kerim told me to turn my phone off and rest so I did and when I woke up Adley was in the bath and Kerim had ordered us food in.
We consulted with our lawyer and made a statement about all of the abuse and lies we’d suffered from Tasha and my mum. We were told that they were both warned to stop otherwise they would try to press charges.
I’ve tried to avoid them since although I’ve heard them berating me and my parenting through others. We went to Türkiye to see Kerim’s family for Xmas and it was lovely.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this update from the OP:
ritlingit
You should ask Lily to get screen shots of what Tasha is texting. If Lily won’t do it maybe someone else will.
Particular_Disk_9904
This OP get all screenshots and proof and be sure to keep documenting everything. Do not block them just do not engage or respond, I’m sure your sister will keep sending threats and crap to get a reaction. Send everything you get to your lawyer.
FatAmyCheeks
Tasha is this unhinged at 14. I fear for people around her when she becomes an adult.
Straysmom
I read your original post/updates & can't believe Tasha is still spewing this BS. That girl needs mental help because she is living a delusional fantasy where your husband is her man. A cease & desist letter from an attorney would be a good idea. Just more of a paper trail in case you have to defend yourselves. Then you can go after her for defamation.
Six months later, the OP returned with yet another update.
"AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth? (Final update)"
ThrowawayPinkBoots
Hi guys. I’ve just been busy soaking up all of the baby happiness. I’m doing well thank you all for your well wishes and to the moms giving advice on how to recover from c sections. Adley is such a sweet little girl, she’s quite and so well behaved and looks the most adorable in her little Taylor Swift cardigan that my dads ‘friend’ knit her (she was played all of the albums in utero).
We’ve sent mom the hospital bill, I’m not actually sure whether I’ll go through with making her pay as we have better salaries than she does but a little part of me would love to see her face right now. She’s sent me some annoyed texts about it but I’ve told her that perhaps Tasha’s allowance and clothes/beauty spending should be reduced to help. But we will see.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update:
Visual-Celery69
Honestly good for you. I hope you and your family are happy and that your mom and your sister learn to back off because their behavior has been really inappropriate for the beginning.
The people around you should be nothing but supportive and loving and trying to reduce your stress as much as possible and they have done exact opposite. Honestly if I were you, I wouldn’t let either of them even meet the baby until they made legitimate amends.
mak_zaddy
Good for you! So happy to hear you all are doing well! Okay. We’ll need a FINAL final update if mom actually pays. Keep enjoying Adley + me time!
CharlotteLucasOP
At what point is an adult going to put Tasha into therapy despite her insisting she doesn’t need it? There is some dark shit happening inside her head and she’s not normal.
MakeTheThing
This reminds me of the woman whose SIL kept trying to steal her baby…
luckyladylucy
Jesus tapdancing Christ.
SilverGengar
At some point, you gotta realise that a 13-year old is dictating your life circumstances and do something, anything, to counter. Tasha is a shared achievement of all of them, with varying degrees of guilt.