Student pranks teacher, cuts her hair, mother says she owes her son an apology. + Update
"Kid cut my hair yesterday and I have to apologize to him."
pressiplainjane
My room was in single ratio all day yesterday so when my mid shift coworker clocked admin had me work in the kitchen and float. I went to one of our Pre-k classrooms and the teacher needed a potty break so I stood in and gave her one.
The kids were working some craft where they were cutting magazines. I was just walking around the table monitoring the kids when one of them wanted to show me a part of their work so I kneeled down next to them.
While the child is speaking to me I turn my head towards them and as soon as I do, the child on the other side of me takes his scissors to my hair and begins cutting a huge chunk out. I heard the sound of hair being cut but I didn’t feel it on my head so I thought someone was cutting their own hair.
I whipped my head around unknowingly and that gave leverage to the scissors. I was livid when I realized. I don’t think I’ve ever been that mad at something a child did. He was Iaughing. obviously didn’t lose my shit but I was fuming on the inside. I took the scissors away from him and silently waited for the teacher to return. I couldn’t even correct him or anything.
When the teacher returned she looked at me and was so shocked. She asked what happened and all I said was “Steven” (not his real name) and left. I went to the bathroom and looked at the damage and burst into tears.
That reaction seems dramatic and admittedly it was but I had just had such a difficult week and that was honestly my last straw. Also in my culture our hair is an extension of our identity and I had never cut my hair before. It is past my waist and the cut was up just below my shoulders.
Apparently this child (he knows me, I had him when he was in 2s) told his mom about what happened. She complained to our director that I reacted too harshly and was “bullying” her kid by taking away the scissors.
Apparently his teacher didn’t allow him to continue to participate in the craft after I left. Our director wants us both (me and the pre-k teacher) to have a conference with this child and his mom and apologize to them.
I know I didn’t handle this situation in the ideal way but I don’t think I did anything terrible. This kid is 4 btw. His mother is dead set on the fact that me and his teacher are bullying him and our director is so conflict avoidant and money hungry she will give into every parents demands. It’s so frustrating. Any advice here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
notbanana13
Don't apologize. Children are allowed to use scissors if they can be safe with them. Violating someone else's boundary and cutting their hair isn't being safe. Not being allowed to use scissors for the rest of choice is the consequence of cutting the teacher's hair. This child is in pre-k which means next year is kindergarten. That is well old enough to know that what they did was wrong.
The OP responded here:
pressiplainjane
I was thinking about that last part and that definitely contributed a lot to my anger. I’ve worked with 1s and younger 2s for the majority of my ECE career. I’ve gotten hit, kicked, bitten and screamed at and honestly none of the impulsive problematic behavior from them phases me too much anymore because I can understand it.
They lack impulse control and they have little to no words to explain their big feelings. But an almost 5 year old??? Dude why the heck did you do that.
notbanana13
imo the fact that Mom thinks these consequences are "bullying" tells us everything we need to know. most parents would be mortified that their child cut a teacher's hair.
Hopesick_2231
Email the director. Tell them unambiguously that taking the scissors away was a reasonable response to inappropriate and unsafe behavior on the part of the student and that regardless of how the parent feels, you will not be apologizing to anyone.
piggyazlea
You did nothing wrong. The boy and his parent should be apologizing to you.
2 days later, the OP returned with an update.
"[Update] Kid cut my hair yesterday and I have to apologize to him"
pressiplainjane
I told my director I would not be apologizing to the child for a reasonable consequence. That’s when she told me his mother said he told her the hair cutting was an accident and I snatched the scissors away from him and his teacher made him sit in timeout for the remainder of the crafts time.
I told her that was absolutely not true and asked if she watched the camera footage to confirm it. She said no and pulled it up. We saw the video of him giggling with another child and sneakily reaching over to cut my hair. You could also see/hear him laughing hysterically after I turned around and realized what he’d done.
I said “are you serious” and then followed up with “you’re done with those. Give me the scissors” in a serious tone and he stops laughing and I repeat myself and he hands them to me. You can also see his teacher scold him and give him a coloring sheet and crayons/colored pencils to work on instead.
My director said we’d still have the conference just to clear the air. It was me, the boys mother, his teacher, and our director. She went on a whole spiel about how he’s always been singled out and targeted and she wanted to pull him from our center but she couldn’t afford any of the others around here.
She actually started crying. When I explained the situation to her, she insisted he told her it was an accident and her first instinct is to trust her baby. Then our director showed her the footage and she got very embarrassed and uncomfortable.
She was silent so I took it as an opportunity to educate her. Our hair holds a lot of cultural significance in my tribe. There are very specific circumstances when our hair can be cut and it is not taken lightly. It must be a person with matriarchal significance (preferably your mother or your mothers mother), with clear intentions.
My mother trims a couple of centimeters off my hair once a month on the full moon and that is the only person who ever touches my hair. I am also the only person who cuts and braids my both of my daughters’ hair. The child cut 17 inches of my hair so I ended up having my mom cut all of my hair to that shoulder length and I cried for hours in her arms that night.
I am already so disconnected from my culture as it was heavily erased in American history and continues to die out. Cutting off my hair felt like severing ties with my ancestors. I explained all of this to her and I got a bit emotional while doing so.
She was slightly apologetic. She said sorry to the director for misunderstanding the situation and apologized to his teacher and the director for wasting their time. She didn’t say anything to me. Later that day his dad came to pick him up.
He brought him to me and had him apologize for cutting my hair and give me a hand made card and some flowers. It was a sweet gesture and ultimately I’m not too mad at him. I’ve known him since he was a baby and underneath all the problematic behaviors he’s a sweet kid.
That’s all. I didn’t lose my job today and I wasn’t forced to apologize to anyone. A win I guess. Thanks for all the advice and reassurance that I did nothing wrong!
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
TrrtlGrrl
I'm shocked your director called a conference without looking at the footage. What's the point of having cameras if you don't use them? I think your director owes you an apology.
llamadrama2021
I'm a little annoyed that all those comments were questioning why she had to cut her hair, or why her mom had to do it. People really need to educate themselves on other cultures.
WheresRobbieTho
I'm so glad you stood your ground and also managed to educate the mom! I am so sorry to hear about your hair and I know the damage can't be undone. I also know this will probably not rectify the situation but I think you should be proud that you refused to apologize and also carefully explained the cultural significance of your hair. That's one less ignorant person out there.
FamouslyGreen
Holy shit. I saw your post Saturday but 17 inches!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Mad respect for not losing your cool. I first thought it was 5 inches maybe. Idk why. I’m glad it was resolved. I hope your director starts doing better due diligence rather than blindly following accusations in the future.
WellSuckMe
Glad OP didn't get fired or have to apologize like some of these stories but jeez my heart breaks. My hair was butchered once by a hair stylist and I spent the entire time crying in her chair as I am bad at confrontations. And I don't even have an cultural significance to my hair other than the BS that chicks should have long hair because reasons.
Poor OP I hope their hair grows back fast and something like this never happens again. Glad the mom was at least apologetic after she realized she was wrong. It so insane that she would demand a apology in the first place. How does a kid accidently cut off someone's hair? Smh