'AITA for ignoring my teacher’s request for money even if I can afford it?' UPDATED
"AITA for ignoring my teacher’s request for money even if I can afford it?"
veronikaandherself
I feel horrible but I’m known for being a pushover, so I’m coming to this sub in hopes of either validation or a reality check. I (18F) play tennis regularly, and I train 3x a week, with two different teachers. One of them just started training me as my usual teacher was not available in my timeslot anymore.
My dad (we train at the same facility) wasn’t thrilled about this, as he told me people he knows don’t like working with him, however he didn’t know specific reasons. However, I didn’t have issues with him since we started our sessions in April up until a month ago.
I pay for my classes in advance, so I paid my May classes since April. My first issue was when the teacher asked me for payment mid May again, and I felt like he tried to guilt trip me by telling me he was in a rough spot financially.
I told him I already paid, and he left me alone but went to my dad and tried to get payment from him. My dad (bless him) paid him the month of June in advance for me so he’ll stop bothering me.
Yesterday he straight up just asked me for money (about 50 USD), and that he’ll repay me next class. I don’t feel comfortable lending money to ANYONE, let alone someone I have known for 3 months.
However he went again with the guilt trip about his family and his children. I ended up just ignoring him until he didn’t message me anymore. I feel terrible and can afford the money, but it’s the principle for me, as I don’t know how he feels comfortable to constantly be begging me for money.
I’m not even comfortable with having classes with him anymore, but I know he’ll take a hit financially if I don’t pay for my classes and more so, my sister also trains with him and will drop him if I do (he doesn’t ask her for money, as she is still a student). AITA? I feel terrible and conflicted.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
nerdgirl71
Request a different trainer. Tell them why. Please tell your dad.
No one should be asking a student to borrow money. Big nope. NTA.
none_of_this_is_ok
NTA. This is completely inappropriate and he should be rightly concerned about losing his employment.
MonkeyWrench
NTA. This is wildly inappropriate. He has already been paid for the sessions, his failure to budget or bring in enough income is not your responsibility. Let him know straight up, "If you continue to hit me up for money, I will change teachers and others will follow me."
jkelsey84
NTA. That is the reason he likely gets complaints, you're not the only one he hints, asks, or insinuates to about giving him money. It's the most unprofessional thing he could do in any job role, and is only creating his own mess by making potential customers wary of scheduling classes with him based off existing customers experience.
cami_sb
NTA. Find another teacher. This guy is not going to stop and, the next thing you know, he will be asking your sister for a loan. His financial problems are not your responsibility.
If there is someone you can report him to, do so. He should not be putting his students in this situation.
A few days later, the OP returned with an update:
veronikaandherself
I read all of the comments and while I still feel guilty, I want to thank everyone who took the time to reassure me in my decision. In short, I reported the teacher myself yesterday and I cancelled my classes with him.
I tried to not get my dad involved because I'm an adult after all. However, the begging teacher cornered me after my session to guilt trip me again and tried to coerce me into keeping him as my teacher, telling me it was a one time mistake and I will never understand because I'm privileged.
I escaped and called my dad, who then went there and raised hell, and basically got the teacher suspended because it was his fifth complaint in a year. He tried to tell my dad I still owed him classes but as y'all know we had our back covered. We won't be getting back the classes we paid in advance though.
I feel guilty for his family and specially his kids, as he lost two students (my dad pulled my sister from her classes with him too), but I feel reassured in my choices. I will probably look into some dance classes to fill the gap of those training sessions.
Just so you all know, the teacher has been fired. According to my dad, this guy is an alcoholic and additional to the money complaints, he had also complaints from his morning students that he was always hungover.
It was too much for the administration to look past. I hope he gets the help he needs but in the meantime he has no place as a teacher, more so when some of the complaints where parents of students who are still children. Thanks again everybody!
ETA:
Just so you all know, the teacher has been fired. According to my dad, this guy is an alcoholic and additional to the money complaints, he had also complaints from his morning students that he was always hungover.
It was too much for the administration to look past. I hope he gets the help he needs but in the meantime he has no place as a teacher, more so when some of the complaints where parents of students who are still children.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's latest update:
lpeace72584
You did the right thing, it’s really the consequences of his own actions that got him in trouble and it sounds like you’re not the only person he might have done this kind of stuff to.
Maleficent_Ad_3958
Also this follows this rule: If someone is crappy to one person, it's very likely they're crappy to so many other people. Crap people would be kicked out faster if people kept this in mind.
peter095837
This teacher is highly inappropriate and unprofessional. This teacher is clearly abusing his power and 100 percent shouldn't be working in this position or anything really. Even if the teacher is going through a rough time, it's NO excuse to guilt people into giving you money and act like this.
bissastar
Teacher here, thank you so much for reporting him. His behavior is so wildly inappropriate and is abusive, he is abusing his position of power over minors and should not be teaching under any circumstance.
twiddlywerp
Do not feel guilty. If he is ignoring that basic boundary, good bets there are many others he is choosing to skip over. Reporting someone for preying on people that they are in a position of power over is never an asshole move.
Heraonolympia123
When you rely on a job to provide for your family, you make sure you work your hardest to keep that job. Hassling clients is definitely not going to keep him in the job that pays his bills. And if it wasn’t paying, he needs a new job.
cbm984
Good for you! You should NOT feel guilty. This guy is straight up harassing you! Asking a client to lend you money (esp. after having barely met them) is incredibly inappropriate. You are paying this person for their services and in doing so expect a professional relationship, not a personal one.
The fact that he asked once was bad enough but to continue to ask and guilt you is astoundingly unprofessional and it's no wonder he was suspended. Hearing this was his fifth complaint (!) this year should also be proof you did the right thing. Now if only his manger would do the right thing and fire him!