Teacher braids teen girl's hair even though her mom told her not to, gets reported. AITA?
Hair is very personal, having a hairstyle that makes you feel confident can be a game-changer. Conversely, feeling bad about your hair can trigger feelings of insecurity and self-hate.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teacher asked if she was wrong for braiding one of her student's hair without her mom's consent. She wrote:
"AITA for braiding one of my student's hair without her mother's consent?"
I am an art teacher for 14 to 15-year-old students and recently I noticed that one of my students had really messy and dirty hair. I didn't say anything but the time passed by and it just seemed to get worse and worse. One day I saw her mother at the end of the class. For the record my student is a black girl. She was adopted and her parents are both white.
When I asked the mother about her daughter's hair she just responded that she wasn't going to try to learn how to style them cause there is no point. I didn't respond to that and just told her that I could do it if she gave me the product. I was already doing it for another student and it didn't bother me at all.
I am white but I learned to braid hair with my stepmother because my stepsister has a lot of hair and she needed help. She said no. I had no right to touch her daughter and if tried to, she would report me to the principal. Now last week we went on a trip to France with my students. I wasn't supposed to come but my colleague was not feeling well so I took her place.
Because I'm French and my other colleagues don't speak a word of French, I was made responsible for most of the students during the time of the trip. At the hotel my student, let's call her Tessa, saw me braiding her friend's hair and asked me if I could do the same with her.
I remembered what her mother said but she seemed really embarrassed and I noticed some students making fun of her because of her hairstyle. So I did it anyway. She was really happy and told me that her mother was always straightening her hair. One day she had enough and asked her for braids instead. She said it was not a "white hairstyle " and left her with messy hair.
When we got back, her mother actually reported me to the principal and even threatened to sue me. So am I the AH?
Commenters weighed in with all of their thoughts.
LavenderCandi wrote:
NTA - I think a 14/15 year old kid has enough agency to ask someone to do their hair, it could have just as easily been a friend or she took herself to a salon. Her mother sounds…racist, honestly. And I hope the rest of her family treats her better. I hope you don’t get reprimanded to hard for this. You or the student.
Individual_Complex_6 wrote:
NTA. The girl asked for it and it's her hair, so she has every right to do whatever she wants with it. Don't worry about her suing, there is nothing she can sue about. I just hope your principal is not an asshole and tells her to go eat sand.
Usual_Owl_5936 wrote:
NTA. The mother is an AH for adopting a black child and refusing to learn how to care for her daughter's hair. The mother sounds insecure. My daughter is mixed, and if a teacher could fix her hair, especially on a trip, I'd be happy. As a white woman, I don't really know how to do afro hair. My daughter is 3, and I'm learning.
I REFUSE to let her leave the house without her hair done. Learning how to braid is next. I also say NTA because of the child's age. If she was younger, it would be a little different.
Fuzzy-Astronaut-825 wrote:
NTA and mommy dearest is an ab*sive narcissist who’s neglecting her daughter’s hygiene. Narc moms just love to torment their daughters via their hair. Whether it’s yanking it out by brushing it too hard when they’re little, forbidding them from washing it when they’re teenagers, hacking it off, forcing them to straighten or perm it.
If there’s any way they can use their daughters’ hair to punish them for existing, they will. This is sad.
No_Mail5195 wrote:
NTA.
I think you should report your concerns to the principal & whoever is in charge of child safeguarding at your school.
Crushingtoday wrote:
NTA, but the mother sure is and is also racist. I don't understand why the mother would adopt a child who is black and then not want to raise her understanding her own roots? Even worse, seemingly whitewashing her own child. I don't doubt that it's some horribly racist reason. The mother is entirely in the wrong. That poor child, her mother doesn't seem to care at all about her.
OP it NTA here, but this mother in question sounds downright awful.